I dunno what I'm feeling now...
Instead of being happy for me...
Somebody asks me juz now...
"WHY AM I SO DESPERATE TO GET MARRIED?"
Why do I really wanted to get married SO early? Is 24 too early?
Is there such a question exists in my dictionary?
And what I dun understand is... it comes from a married person...
And she is forced to be married... And don't really wanna be married...
Nowadays.. Couples are likely to be forced to be married or terpaksa married...
And I'm not in both categories...

Am I really too clueless?
She keeps on saying abt negative thgs abt marriage (mayb its what she's experiencing now)... Literally like wanted me to chg my mind?
I've done lots of thinking and I've read lots of books...
Me and him had alwayz talk thgs out together...
I've heard n seen lots of experiences...
So what am i lacking? How is it that i'm not ready for marriage?

What is MARRIAGE?
Its alwayz been something that I dream of...
Like practically everthg that I could wish for...
You wld really really really want for a guy to love & protect you...
For the rest of your life...
Start a happy family of your own... Juz continue to live life the way that you want...
Helping others... Seek fulfillment in life...

I dunno hw I got it.. But maybe its from the unhappiness that I experience during my late childhood n almost all my teens yrs and having a happy & beautiful dream is somethg that I really look forward too... (I'm crying as I write this)
Its somethg that I really want... And I hope that I could marry as early as 21...
So that the 21 yrs that I've wasted living in a life that I do not seek...
Will be compensated with the life aft the marriage... Which will be a happy one...
Now I'm already 3 yrs late... But I nvr complain...
I'm still thankful that God met me with somebody that I love and comfortable with not too late...
And the most important is to find your dream guy that you wanna get married with...
And Ridzwan Bin Salim.. He... Is the dream guy... that exists in my life.....
And if my dream guy had already appeared in front of me, is it so wrong for me to want to get married??

I'm so upset right now... I literally cannot write properly with tears in my eyes...
Ppl are making my life so difficult... And all I ever wanted is to get married to someone that I love... Its that such a hard thg to do?
Its better than living in a life of sin... Such as couples co-habiting together...

Ppl doesn't really know me.. What am i feeling? Only I, know myself well...
I really don't get it why ppl doesn't believe in me... keep on hoping to see me fail, wanting me to make a mistake, to regret my decision... But I WONT regret what I've chosen...
I will ALWAYS choose to be married over anythg else... Over career, over a modelling contract, over a celebrity status, over anythg... Provided its with the right guy...
If I'm convinced that he is the one for me, then why shld ppl worry?

There are bounds to be problems aft marriage.. Every marriage will go thru it... But I will do anythg for my marriage to be almost perfect...
I will endure practically everythg that will come in my way...
Even if one fine day, I have to face the most dreaded thg, his ex wife, I will admit to reality... that is my fate... N i won't run away from it... If his mum dun really like me, I will try to make her like me... If his relatives talk bad abt me, I cld still choose to ignore them....

If we had no money to survive, I will find a way to make money, try to control, eat rice n egg everyday... Dats fine with me...
Even if I do not know anythg, lacking in somethg, I willl try to improve myself, do almost everythg that I can do, will try my very best... To be an almost perfect wife.
Even if ppl will always talk.. I will try to close both ears.. pretend not to listen... Dun mind other people's business...

As long as I could wake up, every single day with Ridzwan Bin Salim, beside me....

*Time at 1230 am on 20th of March 2009.

I really really hate it when he make that kind of tone early in the morning.
Really spoil my mood for the day. I sms him so nicely.. And even if he's so slow to get the msg, then juz drop it till later... Nie tak, nk agitated early in the morning....
Ckp bkn2... mcm aku tk tau, dia tu cepat agitated padahal benda actually tkda pape...

N all b'coz of dat stupid ring.. N no need to bring his mum in the subject lah..
Aku pon tk tau lah mcm mana kalau both side mcm lain2 pendapat. Geram!!!
Dis is all wan's fault. Dia tk tau nk handle situation n nvr understands dats y keadaan jadi mcm gini.
Dia as the person who's getting married, hw cld he be so so blur??
At least he must initially got an idea on what to expect kan??
Stupid!! Geram sey!! Spoil the mood for everythg!!!

I'm so happy nowadays...
There's nothing more that I could wish for other than this...
It felt so blissful... Another a yr more to go before I cld become his wife...
To start a brand new life together... Is there anythg more that is missing??
I've found my other half.. And he loves me very much... It feels so blessed...
Thk you Allah...
Yippee!!