Lately, i've been so stressed out with my job...
So stress.. That i've been near to depression? It's not that the workload that have been stressing me out...
It's rather the ppl here who are stressing me out. You can see lots of diff ppl & diff kind of characters.. it's not consider bullying coz they act all nice in front of me.. N in general, i actually enjoyed doing more work & be in control.

But your heart will feel somethg when they are all earning more or double than you and yet you are the one who suffers. N some more they enjoy talking behind your back.

When you have someone who could do everythg for you, it's easy for you to take for granted what you have. That's human.
Always taking everythg for granted. I'm not usually a person who easily give up on thgs. I'm a fighter..always a fighter. When i failed somethg, i will feel extremely dissapointed with myself. Maybe coz i put on too much pressure on myself.

I really set high standards on myself to be perfect (inside & outside). N when ppl ard me behaves that way, it's easy to get upset when things are not going ur way. I'm already helpless abt the condition of my family, my hse, my room (wif my siblings and all) and the way they handle it.
To say that my father has failed as a father is an understatement..
But i know that tell myself when i have my own hse & family, i will make sure that it will be perfect. I will make sure that my husband is always happy and my kids will grow up to be such a courteous, happy n nice boys n gerls.

They always told me that if i don't do this, i don't do that.. I will fail as a wife & mother later on... But, what they don't know is that i have my own plans for my marriage n i won't let somethg trivial to be a hindrance to me. I will make it work.

Now, they are overreacting. Now I have to bring him to meet my family. Sometimes it's not that you purposely wants to keep it a secret. It's juz that sometimes you do want to get married early and all (i know that it's gd) but sometimes ur heart is not so sure yet... But.. if i believe in myself, n i believe in him.. N i believe that the marriage can be happy n will work out... There's nothing that can stop it ryte?

I will juz leave it to fate.

Haizz.. so much thgs had happened for these past few weeks...
In all, i know that it will make my r'ship wif him stronger..
he's jealous b'coz of everythg (n i really meant every single guy)... so i've got no other choice?
we need to survive.. survival is important in this selfish city.

I know that.. n my hope is that if i'm gonna be wif wan together for the rest of my life... n we are not that well off, i will do everythg within my meants to make us live comfortably.

For our children to live comfortably.
For our extended families to live comfortably.
That's my hope. Helping others will come only after i have enough to cover for myself n the others.

I hope that our love will continue to be strong throughout the years. He's not a bad guy actually.. but he's just an average guy who's easily contented (diff frm me) and lacks of motivation. But that's okay... with me ard, he can be easily motivated..

Thanks dear for loving me the way that you love me.