6th of September 2008:

Today is the day my grandfather had passed away.
It was just after midnight. It was on a fasting month.
It was a truly sad, sad day. I was hoping to break fast with him.
I wanted to buy something for him.
I wanted to celebrate his birthday later on Oct.
I didn't know that he was that sick. I still look at him like he was a healthy man.
He alwayz ate like he was a healthy man.
It's because I had nvr once accompanied him to the hospital.
That I didn't know that maybe his condition has worsen.
Tak selalu jenguk2 dia after I've started working. I was too engrossed in making money, making a name out of myself, making sure I had a good future, doing my diploma, making sure i accomplished somethg before i was 25. Too engrossed with Wan too.
In the end I neglected my grandfather.
I really love him very much. He was my favourite person on earth.
He was so funny although he could get angry at times.
I really hope that he's peaceful there now.
I really really thinks that you're the best grandfather ever. U're the only grandfather that I hav ever had.
I could still lead on my life as usual but the fact remains I was missing Atuk badly.
Coz I was crying badly when I wrote this.
So many people turn out at his funeral and I was proud that my atuk had touches many lives.. So many people remembered him.
But I'm ashamed that I failed as the eldest grand daughter.
People are all looking at me like they were expecting somethg more from me. N I can't even provide that something to them.
At that point of time I felt like I was a complete failure. I just wanted my Atuk back.
I wanted him to be at my wedding. I wanted him to see his first cicit.
I had so many hopes for the family in the future. N everythg was gone when Atuk was gone. I would forever live with this regret.
I didn't have regrets when my mom died coz at that point I was little and I didn't felt like I didn't do her much. But this was diff.. He was waiting everyday for me to come..........
N I failed him coz of certain circumstances. Nobody could understand the sadness, but for me he was my only hope.

Alwayz in memory: My dearest datuk, Mohammad Bin Amat.