In what way am i not a good, unfaithful daughter, granddaughter & niece yg tak mengenang jasa/budi, kacang lupakan kulit?
My ears had enough of hearing all that that rubbish!!
In what way am i so bad that they are completely ashamed of me?
I'm merely doing these coz i felt so betrayed by them..
Those who called themselves my family..
Who pretend to love & care abt me!!!
My dad.. jgn harap.. I stop depending, talking to him much last 11 yrs when he don't give a damn abt me. Don't give a damn abt an innocent child who just lost a mother & doesn't want a stepmother!!!
So he can't really blame anyone except himself that he have a huge burden on his shoulders b'coz of his mistakes & carelessness...
I really pity all my 9 younger siblings... Coz i love them the most.. They are afterall my flesh & blood. And.. They are the innocent party who's the result of ignorant adults!!!
I work hard to earn this money.. and its not as if i dun wanna give them the money. First few mths of my job, i have to pay for the various bills... and all the thgs that i have to buy... which i have been deprived off...
I did gave my grandparents some money the first few mths but i refused to give my dad coz i juz felt that he's the cause of it all.. and yes he did do 50% of his part as a dad.. but not 100%.
So i dont think that i should be the 100% loyal daughter. Furthermore its better that i gave the money to my siblings or give them a treat. He has deprived us enough of money.. being so damn stingy & all.
But of course ventually one day, i will give him money but definitely not now.
Itu pon everytime slalu nak sindir2 aku duduk pat umah dia tak bayar.
Even though i hardly touch the thgs n food n watever except for the bed & the room and electricity & water.
Then from aug last yr to this yr march when i stayed at my auntie place, my own auntie which i thought i could depend on.. Start demanding money from me... Although she did it so subtle-ly.. she did talk to everyone behind my back.. which is just so wrong and it did really hurts me a lot... Coz i felt like no one can be trusted anymore. But my grandparents nvr understands that.
EVERYTHG as what it seems are all my FAULT. Not THEM.
Then last june, my auntie (which is my uncle's wife) is even more worst.. Always targetting for ppl mistakes. I have been living in that house for 11 yrs and she, who juz came into my life, was like so damn arrogant!! Thinking that it's her house n such that i'm not allowed to do anythg to it. Kept checking the house & pointing out my mistakes as if she's the perfect one!!! And it all happen b'coz she knows my uncle is in Dubai and she acts like a mistress. She even asks her maid to spy me. Duh! What a lowly creature.
I still remember her words clearly. (With a snobbish, arrogant tone!)
"YOU LISTEN TO ME. THIS IS MY HOUSE. NOT YOUR GRANDPARENT'S HOUSE. SO YOU MUST FOLLOW WHATEVER I SAY IF YOU WANNA STAY IN THIS HOUSE. AND DON'T YOU DARE TO COMPLAINT TO YOUR GRANDPARENTS THAT I SAY THESE THG TO YOU."
At that point of time.. my hatred towards her was to the maximum.
I swear that i won't even touch my feet into that house again if its not for my grandparents. And they really enjoyed gossiping behind my back. She's not even that perfect. Masa baru2 kahwin, ppl are talking abt her too. And how can she compared that damn pampered good life of hers to my complicated life of hell???
She doesn't even deserve to advise me apa lage to talk to me in that kind of snobbish tone (that i don't think even Victoria Beckham or Paris Hilton would have ever done)!
She can take that damn house of hers. I would buy mine some day with my own money.... Titik peluh aku sendiri... Thats a promise!
And one thg is for sure... If i have a lots & lots of money, i will surely just throw any amt of money to them... No need for them to talk & called me names again..
Now they are saying that i'm an unfaithful, tak mengenang budi girl coz i didn't visiy my auntie anymore (for the obvious reasons) and i seldom visit my grandparents anymore (for that damn auntie reasons) and they think like i was enjoying my life in my dad's house!
What do they know? When the difficulties and hard times struck? When sometimes that i don't eat, when i feel sick.. Sometimes my grandma did ask me to come over when she cook some fav dishes for me (its really a pity) but i won't go as long as that auntie is there. I am not being a bitch. She is.
My uncle would be so dissapointed if he knows abt it.
I can't even imagine what this year Hari Raya would be like... :(
Don't get me wrong, i really love my grandparents but sometimes their thinking is too old-fashioned and they don't really think that ADULTS do make mistakes too.
I don't know what they are fussing abt since its not like i spend lavishly. Its just that its a matter of bad luck & unlucky-ness of my 21 years of life... Coz afterall, i'm not born with a silver (or gold!) spoon in my mouth.That is why sometimes i juz dont understand why some ppl got so much to complaint abt their life when theirs is not that bad at all.
Diff between & them, i dont ever complaint to my friends that i have such a sucks life. Coz i try to stay positive all the time but some of them are complaining abt their lives as if its the end of the world!!! Its hard to take it sometimes.. Coz when ur life is already full of shit, why do u still wanna surround urself with more negative thgs ryte? But alas.. what to do.. a friend is still a friend.
"I just felt that there are so many thgs that i've been deprived off since i was a kid.. the love, the unsufficient money, cannot overnite, cannot go out, cannot wear this and that, yeah i agree that its for my own good.. but its kinda suffocating sometimes.
And when i'm a bit older and started to do thgs my own way.. The kinda life that i wanted to live.. And.. I was accused of being a rebel and kurangajar.. What more can i say??
I just swear that i will work hard to change my life so that ppl won't look down on me anymore. I am a survivor coz life really teaches me how to be strong and to be more determined of a successful life."
*THIS BLOG IS PURELY OF MY PERSONAL LIFE. NOTHING GOT TO DO WITH OTHERS.
Signing off,
Natasha Fazlini
