That day he and me had a heart to heart talk...
Abt religion and performing our duty as a muslim...
And we both agreed that we do not perform our duty well b'coz of we r not satisfy with our lives now and keep on committing sins... So jiwa kita tk tenang...

Well, he did agree that marriage cld solve the prob...
But y did he acts like dis alwayz?
I dun gain anythg much frm the marriage...
Juz the freedom to do my thgs at my own pace...

Aku hope dia sedar yg he's wrong... his method his wrong...
I dun blame his mum, but his attitude make it worst for his mum to believe him.

Dear Blog,

First of all.. I wanted to say that I'm really happy today... I get to mit my frenz and radea...
Its enough for me... Coz I know that there r ppl out there besides him who cld make me happy.
Its already too much for me to handle.

I've also talked to Dewi and learnt that thgs cannot go on this way...
She said that she if were me, she wld have leave the guy a long time ago...
Why am I not suprised? Since a lot of ppl have already said that obviously...

N I'm really sad that what I heard, rang true to my ears.
He's really nt someone who deserves to be loved.
He cld only hurt and make empty promises...

Mayb if I let it go now... It won't be too late...
I know what his thinkings are... Everythg is fine as long as everythg is fine.

Because he everythg is fine as long as his life goes smoothly.
But he cannot think frm his point of view only.
He cannot think based on his feelings only.
Because as a couple, you are supposed to be equal.

N... It's alwayz him who's making the mistake.
He wld just nvr learn.

Why do I feel that it's all empty promises?
Why do I feel that he's not trying hard enough?
Why do I feel like hes not doing enough?

Why do I feel like he's faking it every single moment?
Why do I feel like he's lying through his teeth?
Why do I feel like he's such a failure?

Why do I feel this way?
Why am i thinking this way?
Why do I feel like he's not good enough?

Why does he question that he have to save more?
Why does he thinks that it's wrong?
Why is he being so calculative?

Why does he always feel that he's right?
Why does he always have to break my heart?

Hi Blog,
As you know... the reason why i'm here so late is because I'm upset today.
I'm very upset with him and his attitude.
He nvr cares abt my feelings...........

The prob is that....
I felt embarassed to admit it in front of everyone....
But my dream had always been to become somebody's wife...
I felt that it's such a great thing to be a wife. To have somebody beside you.
And maybe.. A mother too someday...
Dat will be my greatest achievement.

N i guess that he doesn't share my sentiments.
This is really a sad, sad world..
Ppl doesn't value r'ship as much.

Do they think that a partner is just a partner for plasure and sex?
Can't they think beyond that?
The emotional values that the r'ship holds?

I'm really sad do you know that.. He always take things so lightly coz he was a husband once and he didn't enjoy it.. Not with the right soulmate of course...
It really pains me. And his mum does not make thgs easier for me....
I guess he really love his life now.. So he didn't mind to take it easy.
But I have so many thgs to do, to achieved... N marriage will be a stepping stone.
But no.. He didn't understand that. He only cares abt himself.

I guess when you are couple, you have to learn not to be selfish and think of only yourself. N you must compromise and the greatest thg is for you to see your partner happy. But he doesn't see it that way..

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic. Maybe I'm delusional.
But........................

I still hope that there's somebody out there who understands my plight.

IF really there is somebody better for me out there, pls let him find me. Amin..