10th of Sept 2008

Actually,

I wanted to wear back tudung after marriage.. Coz all my previous bfs and including wan also, proves to be such difficult guys. But, I persevere and decided to make my final decision and wear because of beloved atuk and also because I believe that if Wan really loves me, he won't mind to sacrifice a lot for me n that includes everything that he had to go thru now.. He had never sacrificed anythg for anyone.. So I guess it could be special. Only then we will achieve that happiness.

I have mixed feelings regarding wearing tudung at first, feels a bit like regret coz of Wan & some others are making my life a bit difficult and also because I still feel like dressing up and I haven't achieved my dreams of being successful and trendy. But on the other hand, wearing back tudung gives me a sense of calm and peacefulness.......

Thank God!

28th Oct 2008:

Although I know that he loves me a lot... From yesterday blog. But I still have some trust issues with him. Esp when dia shift ptg. Dats y I said I dun like him msk shift ptg.
Dis is wat happens lah. Pagi & mlm, dere will nt be a prob.
It's not that I dun wanna trust him completely. But he had to admit that he got nt so gd histories and even though a guy could love a gerl so much, but then the chances of infidelity wld still be dere as long as the other party knows hw to get to his weaknesses.

Abeh mcm smlm, it clearly shows dat the first part he's nt tired and still in gd mood and then suddenly nt gd mood or seems nervous. Then knape nk kene jalan kaki kan & then mcm nk tknak je bebual? Usually he will either take LRT or Bus.. nak balik umah cepat to eat or play games. Then he dun wanna kol me bila balik.. maybe coz he felt guilty?

Then do you expect me to think good only? No right... Esp since I know that gerl will always be there. As long as she nvr went to another shop or my bf nvr pindah. Coz I knw dat when uncle drops me at CCK, I wld always see her. N i know dat she's working yesterday. Anyway, a woman's instinct is always right...

If he lied to me, then so be it.

27th Oct 2008:

Today is his real birthday but I already wish him.
At 9.20 pm he called me and we talk for 3 hrs.. hehe...

I think that he's a sweet guy. And since i've known that he's not a sweet talker and he's not prone to lying, I would believe whatever he said juz now.
He told me that I'm different from the rest of the gerls and if he had met me before, he wouldn't have gotten married with his ex wife dulu...

That's the thg that he regretted most. Anyway, she doesn't look like the good, decent type sgt. Mayb coz Wan is also not dat gd dulu. Still, mayb they see other ppl behind each other back, so the love is not true at all. So when ppl got married, insincerely, they won't last long. Pity the daughter though.
Hw could you grow up and then learnt that you r born nt because of your parents love? That'll be very sad. I've nvr doubt that mama n abah doesn't love each other. At least I could be pacified with dat fact even though I'm nt close to my father.

But it can't be helped.. he cannot meet me dulu coz... even when he's married, i'm only still in Sec 4. Still struggling for my 'O' Levels. If before that, there's no way that he could meet me coz I only got to know guys the earliest when I'm in Sec 4. And I nvr chat.
So.. where do I meet him? I guess I nvr go out a lot and I dun frequent the place dat he went dulu.

And of cos lah I know that he loves me more than anyone else. That's all that matters.

His goal: To get married to ME and lives happily ever after? :) :)
My goals: To get married, to be a good wife, a good mother, successful in life, do more charities, hold a respectable job, take up advanced diploma n mayb a degree?, have a beautiful house, start my own business... etc.

See the difference between us?
His happiness lies with me only and my happiness lies with him and a lot of other things. :)

26th Oct 2008:

Celebrated his 33th birthday today.. which actually falls tomorrow..
At first really not in good mood because of yesterday and because I got flu.
He said he was sorry.. So I'm not so mad at him anymore...
Then aft taking the flu medicine, I feel drowsy so I went to sleep for a while.
When I woke up, I gave him the present.. Hehe

And then we ordered pizza hut.. :) Watch movie. Pity the birthday boy lah.
Not much celebration going...
And then worst.. I bought the wrong present for him...
Sedih sey.. Nvr mind, I will make it up to you some other day...

Valentine's Day I will make sure I give him a nice one...