Friday, 18/01/08:

I've already know that its a bad sign if i've been sick for so long.

There is something bothering me.. and i can't just let it go.

And now to add to the list of ppl against my r'ship with him is Auntie!
I thought she supported him but aft she met him... It seems that she changes her mind.

I'm more worried coz...
Old ppl must know more than us... And she already said that when she met him at Bobby's wedding the other day, she can see that our face doesn't match as husband & wife (as in tkda iras that meants kita tkda jodoh..).
She only told me that's what she can see coz she already experience her 2 children going thru divorce n she told me that when at that pt of time she also told them the same thg and they still insist to get married and now they end up in a divorce.

But, she did told me to bring him to see my grandma and if my grandma is okay with him, she won't say anythg coz she insists that old ppl knows the best.

And why my 2nd sis is so against it...
My auntie is also against it... (Although she does not express it)...

Even his ex wife told him that she pity his FUTURE WIFE for marrying a guy like him. Somethg is definitely fishy here ryte?

As for me...
I kept feeling that i'm so stupid if i stay in a r'ship that doesn't makes me happy at all.. (Yeah, i'm definitely truly feels unhappy now!)
I'm bothered abt his past. I'm scared of the future.

Yeah its true that ppl can accept a divorcee.. And be happy with them.
But not:
A divorcee with lots of missing pieces in his life.
A divorcee with lots of things to clear and lots of probs to settle ryte.
A divorcee who somedays acts normal but other days acts weirdly.

And he doesn't even bother to convince me AT ALL that everythg is not true.
Doesn't even bother to reply to my anniversary wish. Yg the 2nd wish tu i can at least forgive him for not replying coz he's still sick.
But last nyte? There is no excuse ryte...

I have made a decision that i won't marry him as long as i'm not convince that he's the one for me.

I really hope Allah will give me a sign. Please... Just a sign.
I do not want to make a decision that i will regret all my life.
To be stuck in an unhappy marriage... that's the worst!!

Aft i've let out my feelings, i hope i will feel much more better.