Today i've decided that i'm gonna blog abt my whole life story.. Juz in case sumthg happened n we lost our memory, at least its recorded in here.. :(

Childhood Years:
My childhood memories are basically a nice one. First lives near Tan Tock Seng Hospital. Everybody knows me. I remember being close to my dad. Alwayz followed him everywhere such as fetching my mum frm work... As what daughters are. I'm close to my mother too. In fact, I love my mum very much. She's alwayz buying me thgs. It felt normal. We felt like a normal family. I used to hate the fact that i can't be an only child.. Lolz! I dunno why.. maybe i juz enjoyed the attention of being the first child, grandchild & great grandchild of the family.. Haha.. I didn't expect that 20 yrs later, i wld have 10 more brothers and sisters to come....
I have many frenz in school.. n we alwayz played together.. I was so called in a popular clique in school. Lolz!!

Thgs started going downhill when my mum passed away a day after my birthday. We have celebrated it with my cousin coz we had the same birthday. That's the most saddest thg that could ever happened to me. I remembered that i've even been planning to buy her a present for her birthday in August.

I can't accept it that my mother is gone.. I thought that she wld come back. Even until now, i still think of her sometimes. They always said that i didn't think of my mum coz i dun like to visit her grave. But the fact is dat i dun like to imagine my mum being there.
Aft that, I didn't feel normal. I felt that there's somethg missing in my family. Ppl shld have a mum & dad. I can't stand the pity that everybody including my teachers are giving me. I hate to be different. My little bro n sisters wasnt that affected coz they have little memories of my mum.. But still, they still need a mum.

Dats y i can't accept it that my dad wanted to marry 1 n half yr later. Maybe i can't blame him n can't stop him from re-marrying, but it felt like its too early. It doesn't helped that everybody is not happy with the way that he handles thgs. N she's not even local. I can't say that she's a bad person but it juz doesn't feels right. I think my siblings deserve better so that they won't grow up like this. Terbiar.

Then there's all the quarells, fights n ppl bad-mouthing each other.. blaming each other.. the inheritance money.. everythg is a mess.

Teenage Years:
I have my first abg angkat at 13. Which is Abg Yan.
I have my first crush at 13 too with a guy from Peicai Sec.
I've alwayz dreamt of meeting my dream guy n having a perfect family since i was 13 too. Coz i hate the life that i'm living. I hate staying at Johore with them. Coz it felt like a cage.. n my stepmum can do watever she likes coz she knows that i n my siblings dunno the way out if i wanna run away..
I'm jealous of others with perfect family. I hate to see others with great, funny, kind mum. Ended up, i've alwayz stayed at other hse juz b'coz of their mum. Every mums know me.. N they like me too. Haizz.. Sounds so pathetic ryte?
As usual with secondary school life, change best friends, change group, a bit of rebelling here n there, but still........... i'm alwayz the gd gerl.. Haha. Maybe coz by being gd, ppl will like me n be nice to me.. So i enjoyed that attention too. God, i'm really an attention seeker huh? Lolz!!

Maybe to my family, i'm a rebel.. alwayz going out.. but to others, i'm a nice person n a gd gerl..

Relationship with Guys (The important ones that I can remember only):
1) The first guy that I got to know is Ashraf when i was 16 yrs old. He's a nice guy i can say (religiously) but he's a little weird. He likes me i guess but he keeps calling my hse if i didn't ans my calls which irritates me coz my family will went berserk if they know it!! N he likes punk. Which is a little diff frm me.. dats why.

2) Second guy that i got to know frm Abg Yan is his ITE Bedok classmate, Taufik. I think at dat time we like each other too... Almost everyday talked. Even Abg Yan pon fed up, kat class pon bebual.. Smp dia ckp suroh concentrate on my O Levels. But i didn't.. N ended up i failed! Me n him? We didn't get together.. Coz of some reasons dat i dun wanna remember.

3) Aft dat I got to know Shahid. I can't remember where. But dis guy likes me so very much... Really really too much. N he got posessived! He called me n msg me everyday. Said that i looked like an angel n all dat.. It was nice for ppl to compliment you.. but i juz hav the creeps. Then when his army mate got hold of my no., he was not happy abt it n they said that Shahid was obsessed with me. They kept saying that he said that i'm his, so his frenz cannot disturbed me. It pissed me off coz i'm nt his property. Then, he asked his little sister to befriend me so that i won't escape frm him n so that she can psycho me to stead wif her bro.

4) After that, I got to know a Bdk Pondok, Nizam which is my best fren's Sarah's Guy punya kwn. He's funny n cute. We didn't get together coz he's a bit too wild for me back then. Clubbing & Gangster.

5) Then Azmi comes along, he works at the same workplace with me n he likes me n he sound me. Azmi is like a dream guy coz he's nice, popular, handsome, in a nasyid group, suave, cool.. so generally i'm flattered that he chooses me? Dere's a lot of gerls there.. More pretty n sexy. But, everythg happens so fast n he told me that he wants to marry me. I was shocked. Of cos that its my dream to get married. But i think that its too early.. I was 17 going to 18. N at dat time, i didn't think that i love him coz the feelings haven't develop yet. I was stressed coz he kept pressuring me. I felt that he didn't get to know me as a person. I dunno why he chooses me to be his wife. So ended, i broke up with him.

6) After that, I got to know a guy that I like very much. His name is hedeir. I felt that it was true love coz.... it was love at first sight for both of us. He's my fren's Sarah's Guy fren too. N he's fren wif Nizam too. N i've heard so much abt him. Tak sangka dat time i join them for jalan raya, i finally got to see him. N he was juz waking up with his raya clothes n all... N he looks so handsome! Duh! Then the first hse dat we go is his hse! N then the parents like so funny n all.. then his dad asked me to come again.. Hehe.. But i didn't look at his direction at all coz i'm scared dat it will be too obvious... In the end we didn't talked at all.. Little did i expect 2 mths later dat he will called me!! He got my no. frm my Firzhan (Sarah's guy). He told me dat he also nk kenal2 with me at dat nyte.. but he said that i didn't looked at him.. so he thot that i'm not interested... Hehe.. We were close for more than 6 mths.. but we didn't get together b'coz of unspecific reason that cannot be stated here. Aft dat, still got a few of the bdk pondok wants to get to know me.. But.. i'm not interested.

7) Aft that i got to know my so called 2nd ex aft azmi, which i really didn't want to count actually. Lasted for a wk. He's dat stupid Ahmad Firdaus! A sweet talker. N a player. N he threatened n shouted at me in front of public. Dats humiliating enough! Aft that, he contacted me again pretending to be insaf n acted all nice n alim.. To get back together wif me.. But i'm wif someone already n i really dun hav feelings for him. So i knalkan him wif my best fren, Radea!!! N he corrupted her! I damned him for that.. till now.

8) Then got to know this guy, Zamri.. Handsome & charming.. got a bike.. N he likes me.. marriage type. But, dia dah lah tk tau agama at all, fine.. but he said dia tknak & refused to blajar agama skrg coz dat means if he do it juz b'coz he wants to marry me.. dat means niat dah tk ikhlas.. wat so ever lah. So tk jadi pape.

9) Got to know my so called third ex, Zul frm Pizza Hut. Baru je msk 2 wks n already he likes me? Lives nearby my hse so we often go back together n slalu dia fetch me even though he's nt working. Tk lama coz aft that he went NS n i heard a few rumours abt him (character differences) so i wanna break up n refused to meet him n dats when the true colours come out n he became more possesived n was stalking me. Threaten to kill himself.. mental prob lah.. Haizzz...... Nasib...

10) Stead wif Dino. Known him ryte aft dia kluar frm inside. Took a while to accept him. He's actually a sweet guy but can be hot tempered at times. Dun wanna elaborate more abt the r'ship coz dats the start of my downfall.

11) Know dis Fadly guy.. A nice & funny guy.. He likes me too i guess.. even until now.. But.. juz nt my type.. Susah kan?

12) Firdaus. A guy who joins pizza hut (he has a younger bro too) who is so damn handsome n looks like a bad guy n wif tattoos n tags (juz came out i think).. n the whole girls at Pizza Hut was like crazy over him.. n out of the whole ppl, he chooses me. He likes me so much.. dat he asks all his minahreps frenz at pizza hut to psycho me. N then he will changes shift to work wif me. Someone locks us together in the freezer also!Asks me out n all.. but.. i dun think dat we can be together.

13) Ajiz (Kebetulan pulak cousin Dino) get to know me when i dine in at the Pizza Hut where he works. Dat time of cos lah i didn't knw dat he's Dino's cousin. Then at dat pt, Dino still contact me n he didn't wanna let me go.. I still meet him if he insists dats when he got to knw abt Ajiz. He was fuming mad lah.. coz of jealousy.. what else! Then he kept on bothering me.. Dunno for fuck.. then i cannot tahan coz at dat pt Ajiz shows some sign dat he like me.. So i juz asked Ajiz to pretend dat i'm his gf so dat Dino will stop bothering me.. But dat didn't stop him.. He still sms me fucking thgs n even revealed dat Ajiz got a tattoo.. in order to make me 'break up' wif him. But... he didn't succeed. We are nt a couple in the first place.

14) Dats when i met my ex, Norhasri. Everythg was great! It felt like jodoh. Dat we r meant to be together. Everythg falls into place like it shld be. We didn't hav any major probs.. N we r in love. But, it started with a lie dat leads to another lies. So.. thgs happened. Dun wish to elaborate further. Dattime he wants to patch thgs up.. But it didn't happen.

15) Yano. He likes me but we can't be together coz of certain thgs. But dat time he alwayz fetch me from work using his bike. Caring too n a gentlemen.. Although he did expressed his desires to do more.

16) Faizal matrep. I didn't like him.. I only like his son. A player. N then he wants me to be one of his gfs. Haha. Like real.

17) Farhah introduce me to zali. I didn't know why i like him. Even though at first i found him to be a little dark.. But, i think i fall for him coz he's a sweet guy n he loves kids. N the kids like him too. I think he can be a gd father. But yeah lah.. who expects dat he will be homeless n jobless. He only rely on me. But dats the first time i've met a bf's parents. Then he broke up wif me b'coz of his frenz. Dats his loss ryte. Then he wants me back. Dun wish to elaborate more.

18) Joe. We started off discussing business. Haha. But.. maybe coz he's matured n understanding, then we hit it off. Didn't hav much probs.. He's the most gentlemen out of all the guys dat i've known......... even though he's a divorcee. But maybe he didn't want to trouble me or sumthg or dere's sumthg wrong somewhere.. So we break up. Thgs go a bit haywire aft the break up when he started drinking again. N when me n radea met him to pass his thgs, radea said that he looks diff n gaunt. N i can see that he lost a lot of weight. I dun understand why wld ppl torture themself when they r the ones who initiates the break up in the first place.

19) Eddie. Maybe i like him coz he looks like Hasri. Dats all. Found out that he got another gerl at the same time so i choose to let him go.

20) Faizal (Showtec). Its complicated. Most Showtec guys.. no need to elaborate. Coz same work is alwayz complicated. Esp if there's competition n all.

21) Effendy. Known him a long time ago but we didn't get together coz i found out that he's with someone else. Then by chance we contacted at msn n then got to know that we goes a long way back. Then he said he likes me.. blah blah blah.. Then got to know that dia dah tunang. Wat the fuck!

22) Shaizli. No chemistry n he got tattoo (tapi dah baik i think). Potentially rich. But still, no feelings towards him.

23) Lastly, I met him.. My current boyfriend. So far, this is the longest r'ship i hav ever had than the others. Emotionally? Physically? Dun wish to elaborate further... Hope my memory of this r'ship will remain as long as i live...

In between, of course i've met many many many more damn guys. But they are not worth mentioning here its either because i've no recollection of them n coz mostly many of them, they like me but in the first place i see that there's no pt in being with someone dat i don't have feelings with.. I will immediately tell them the truth. The rest r only jerks who wanted to get to know me coz they only want sexs, scandals, one night stands.. etc.

Adult:
Definitely diff lah from teenage yrs. More focus n determined. I like working. Coz it takes my mind off frm my family & guys. Focus on making money, focus on the future. Focus in making my life better, the way that i want to live it. But the prob still lies somewhere deep.................................................

I'LL BE 22 IN A FEW MORE DAYS!! HEHE... HOPEFULLY MY ADULT YRS, I CAN MAKE SOMETHG OUT OF MYSELF...

I think zali wants me back sey.. I juz got the feelings.
Dunno why he msg me so many times. Then he wants me to contact him some more.. as in thru phone.
Coz he said that he didn't meant to broke up wif me at dat time.. Wat is dat supposed to meant? Isn't it a bit too late? Its already been one n half year.. :(
N he said that he still feel bad n guilty towards me although he told me so many times dat i've already forgiven him..
N dat time he didn't even care abt my feelings when he ikut his fren n left me below the blk, crying. He didn't care when he told his frenz dat semua dah jln terus.
He didn't care when at dat time i give him a chance to contact me back n he still have not changed. He didn't care when the guys disturbed me like hell n he juz kept quiet coz he knows dat he's not my guy anymore.
But if you really loves a person, wld you left her like dat?
I was so mad at him dat nyte.. N he can even bring up the subject dat he wants us to be together like laz time.
I dun wanna reply to his msg anymore.. but i already told him to find another girl dat really loves him..