Ya Allah..
I thank you for giving him back to me, and for giving us a chance to be together.
Yeah of course i was afraid of losing him...
But you must know that i am just a normal human being afterall and i'm not that strong if u kept giving me more ujian yg i'm afraid that i'm not able to take.
I will continue to be strong to live my life but i've gone thru so much and i'm afraid that one day will be weak and gonna lose it..
Ya Allah,
Berikanlah hambamu ini kekuatan utk menempuhi segala cabaran ini.
Berikanlah aku kebahagiaan di dalam alam perkahwinan nanti.
Dun let this love fades away & dun let him change.
And.. pls block all my ears, heart & thoughts from ppl that likes to complicate and hurt my r'ship with him.
Amin.

Friday. 141207. 2130.

Dunno how to describe my feelings ryte now.

Sad.
Confused.
Angry.
Dissapointed.
Stressed.
Unhappy.
Moody.
Tired.

I dun understand why you're suddenly so different frm the guy that i used to know.

Like suddenly so weird u know. I felt so weird.

N.. I dun understand why out of the sudden you got this some kind of illness that came out of nowhere.

N, i've asked you before abt this and you've said no u dun have any..

SO.. WHY so sudden?

N furthermore u're always scaring me and sumtimes i can't barely understand what u're talking abt.

N mostly the only thg that i understand was that u always said that i'm gonna leave you.

Which is like unreasonable.. I've got no reasons to leave unless u're the one who's making the reason for me to leave you ryte...........

You're making me so stress dear... n i can't concentrate on my work at all.

Haizz..
You should have known why i cried yesterday...
Coz it hurts me a lot to see you in pain. :(
Then u kept saying that i'm gonna leave you and if somethg happens to you.. that i have to forgive you..
I don't understand that & i dun wanna understand that.
I really hope you'll get well soon...

WEDNESDAY 12.12.07 14.30:

I called NUH just now..

He's inside the EMERGENCY AGAIN!

God.. why do i have to bear all this torture?

Why can't i just have a calm & peaceful life without any pain & worries?

Please dun let anythg happen to him.

I wanted to cry again... :(

11/12/07:

Yesterday, i was on mc.

During evening, i was really frantic for nearly 5 hours coz my bf was suddenly hospitalized...

Dunno where to find him.. Dunno whom to call... Decided to call NUH and they said that he's in Emergency..

Dunno how many boxes of tissue i've used.. (Okay, that's a bit exagerating..)

Luckily, everythg was okay coz i was imagining the worst thg possible...

Thank god for everythg! I've prayed so hard for his safety and.. he has given us another chance to be together.

I was thinking if God were to take him away from me, i will not find another guy anymore coz i'm tired of starting a new relationship again.

I will leave everything to fate. Thanks again to you Allah.

I may not be a gd follower.. but.. i still have the faith & i still believe in you.

08/12/07

I really had a wonderful day today with my dear coz i've missed him so much...

But it kind of ended up in a bad way.. Coz i felt kinda hurt by what he said...

N in the end..... he cried on the phone b'coz of me.. :(

Felt really bad abt it.. Coz.. It's really not worth his tears to cry for me.. But i'm deeply touched by it..

Maybe coz no one ever cried for me before...

I think if there's ever a guy who ever cried that bad because of you.. That means he really truly loves you from the bottom of his heart...

I'm so sorry that i ever doubt your love, baby.................................