Susahlah gini.. Now is already 3.30 pm on a Friday.. and hati aku maseh tak tenang?
Why did i choose this path without thinking!!
Stupid of me... Coz maybe this ex wife is diff frm others...?
And Wan is also diff from others. Maybe coz he doesn't appreciates much that's why i'm feeling this way??
Why did i feel diff when i'm with Joe?? Dia pon ada ex wife jgk....
Now i'm dreading this Sunday. Now, i can't afford not to go coz his mum already invited me! Haizz.. serba salah pulak.....
Nie baru 2nd bro je yg kahwin sey.. nanti in future ada our wedding and his 2 more brothers, mesti dia nk sibuk2 jgk ke dtg??
Now i dun have anymore reasons to avoid her.
Only one sentence for her: "Pls get a life!".
Comment from someone: "Reading from your previous blog, can I safely assume tat u gonna be attached or berkongsi hidup bersama DUDA with anak??? pertaining to the topic, Its individuality thingy... 2nd wife MUST be tolerant and tak moh mudah melatah with wat ever tat gonna happen.. ye lah kekadang bekas janda dier mesti bengkak hati or mata merah kalau tgk ex hubby's new marriage better den last time..
IMPORTANT note: PATIENCE & TRUST.. wen it cums to kids,ex wife or maintanence shit, try not to get involved TOO much... Ada telinga dengar, ada mata melihat, ada mulut diam.. Cuz sumtimes, the other party MAY not like our presence. Unless dah melampau, juz pretend dat u dunno... sumtimes shit happens wen too many hand touch into small personal matters..."
Thanks for the comment... It doesn't really look good doesn't it? Haizz...
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I felt like giving it all up. Serious.
If i give it up today, i won't have to attend the wedding on Sunday.
I'm feeling the jitters after what he had told me.
I'm still feeling it now as I write this blog.
I'm scared of what awaits me of the future.
Everything's in a mess. And i don't think he wld understand.
He's juz a guy. He won't have that many emotions. Unlike me.
I could juz leave him anytime during this past 9 mths of our r'ship like all the heartless women.. but why oh why am i such a nice person??
Serves me right. I do not heed others advise.
I didn't know his ex wife wld be that type. Other ppl would be so embarassed to attend an ex husband's family majlis. Logically.. Other ppl also said so.
The ex wife involvement is definitely not a good news to me...
What am i supposed to do ehk?? Pls tell me what am i supposed to do now??
If i give it up today, i won't have to attend the wedding on Sunday.
I'm feeling the jitters after what he had told me.
I'm still feeling it now as I write this blog.
I'm scared of what awaits me of the future.
Everything's in a mess. And i don't think he wld understand.
He's juz a guy. He won't have that many emotions. Unlike me.
I could juz leave him anytime during this past 9 mths of our r'ship like all the heartless women.. but why oh why am i such a nice person??
Serves me right. I do not heed others advise.
I didn't know his ex wife wld be that type. Other ppl would be so embarassed to attend an ex husband's family majlis. Logically.. Other ppl also said so.
The ex wife involvement is definitely not a good news to me...
What am i supposed to do ehk?? Pls tell me what am i supposed to do now??
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Excerpt from The New Paper:
More Singaporeans are falling in love, out of love, and back in love again.
Why is it so hard to make a marriage last? To find the answer, we visit places that couples may find themselves in the course of their love story.
Our Question: What makes a marriage ticks?
THE MATCHMAKER:
The place --> Where the loveless finds love.
Most often heard phrases --> "Singaporean women are so demanding!"
The Love Guru & his thoughts--> A matchmaker, Mr Janson Ong, said "Marriage fails today would have started failing a few years ago. And when you look at the past 10 yrs, you'll see that it's not an easy time for couples. For some people, its no money, no love. We have to be realistic abt this. So matchmaking is a shortcut.
THE SOLEMNISER:
The place --> A beach, A ballroom, ROM, a place where marriage vows are exchanged - and the fairytale begins.
Most often heard phrases --> "I don't know what it means."
The Love Guru & his thoughts --> A solemniser, Mr Emmanuel, said: "Of the 900 or so couples that i have helped to marry over the past 30 years, abt one quarter of them come in with the wrong expectations.
Most of them do not know what a marriage vows really means, that it is not a vow you make to yourself or to your spouse but to your GOD.
It doesn't matter what religion are u in. A marriage vow is a promise to the supreme in your heart. A marriage is sacred, it's a vow that you should never breaks.
THE GYNAECOLOGIST:
The place --> Where love becomes complete.
Most often heard phrase --> "Is my baby normal?"
The love guru & her thoughts --> A gynaecologist, Dr Cathryn Chan, said "The birth of a baby is a critical time in a relationship.
Babies are "romance intruders" in certain ways. Caring for them may be an anti climax after the romance. To keep the love going strong, couples should not focus all their energy on the baby. They must remember to make time for each other.
But sometimes, the child keep a couple together only because of the responsibility.
So when the child is all grown up, the couple suddenly fimds themselves have grown apart. This is why in future, we see more and more older couples with grown up children divorcing.
THE LAWYERS:
The place --> Where the fairytales end.
Most often heard phrase --> "What happened to the husband/wife that I knew?"
The love guru and their thoughts --> Lawyers, Mr Ahmad said "The fact that there were fewer divorces in the past mean there were happier marriages. Women were less independent then a divorce were a taboo. While Mr Palmer said "Times have changed, and the pressure of modern life can lead to a breakdown in communication."
Mr Ahmad: "That may not seem like a problem when a couple first gets together. They have a meeting of minds and then they get married. The first year of marriage... That is critical. If they can survive it, they are good for another five or six years. These will be busy years when you hve your children, buy a flat or car. During this time, a couple may gradually grow in a different way. But they will only realise this later when thgs settle down & boredom sets in."
Mr Palmer: "Couples must remember that the communications begin before a marriage, not after."
THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR:
The place --> Where the love story ends the way it should - Till death do us apart.
Most often heard phrases --> "I see my husband/wife in my children."
The love guru & his thoughts: Funeral Director, Mr Victor Hoo said "I come in at the end of a beautiful love story and my role is to fill in the emptiness - with the memories of their love. But do we see the good, the bad & the ugly?
People say until death do us apart but what they don't say is that is it a sad parting or a happy parting?
Sometimes, the spouse is so relieved that husband or wife is gone. But i can tell whether a couple's love is true, juz by looking.
And its not from the crying. Its how much attention they pay to the details. Its like they are loving the person as if he/she is still there.
And this is what true love is: "When you can still love someone without his or her physical presence."
More Singaporeans are falling in love, out of love, and back in love again.
Why is it so hard to make a marriage last? To find the answer, we visit places that couples may find themselves in the course of their love story.
Our Question: What makes a marriage ticks?
THE MATCHMAKER:
The place --> Where the loveless finds love.
Most often heard phrases --> "Singaporean women are so demanding!"
The Love Guru & his thoughts--> A matchmaker, Mr Janson Ong, said "Marriage fails today would have started failing a few years ago. And when you look at the past 10 yrs, you'll see that it's not an easy time for couples. For some people, its no money, no love. We have to be realistic abt this. So matchmaking is a shortcut.
THE SOLEMNISER:
The place --> A beach, A ballroom, ROM, a place where marriage vows are exchanged - and the fairytale begins.
Most often heard phrases --> "I don't know what it means."
The Love Guru & his thoughts --> A solemniser, Mr Emmanuel, said: "Of the 900 or so couples that i have helped to marry over the past 30 years, abt one quarter of them come in with the wrong expectations.
Most of them do not know what a marriage vows really means, that it is not a vow you make to yourself or to your spouse but to your GOD.
It doesn't matter what religion are u in. A marriage vow is a promise to the supreme in your heart. A marriage is sacred, it's a vow that you should never breaks.
THE GYNAECOLOGIST:
The place --> Where love becomes complete.
Most often heard phrase --> "Is my baby normal?"
The love guru & her thoughts --> A gynaecologist, Dr Cathryn Chan, said "The birth of a baby is a critical time in a relationship.
Babies are "romance intruders" in certain ways. Caring for them may be an anti climax after the romance. To keep the love going strong, couples should not focus all their energy on the baby. They must remember to make time for each other.
But sometimes, the child keep a couple together only because of the responsibility.
So when the child is all grown up, the couple suddenly fimds themselves have grown apart. This is why in future, we see more and more older couples with grown up children divorcing.
THE LAWYERS:
The place --> Where the fairytales end.
Most often heard phrase --> "What happened to the husband/wife that I knew?"
The love guru and their thoughts --> Lawyers, Mr Ahmad said "The fact that there were fewer divorces in the past mean there were happier marriages. Women were less independent then a divorce were a taboo. While Mr Palmer said "Times have changed, and the pressure of modern life can lead to a breakdown in communication."
Mr Ahmad: "That may not seem like a problem when a couple first gets together. They have a meeting of minds and then they get married. The first year of marriage... That is critical. If they can survive it, they are good for another five or six years. These will be busy years when you hve your children, buy a flat or car. During this time, a couple may gradually grow in a different way. But they will only realise this later when thgs settle down & boredom sets in."
Mr Palmer: "Couples must remember that the communications begin before a marriage, not after."
THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR:
The place --> Where the love story ends the way it should - Till death do us apart.
Most often heard phrases --> "I see my husband/wife in my children."
The love guru & his thoughts: Funeral Director, Mr Victor Hoo said "I come in at the end of a beautiful love story and my role is to fill in the emptiness - with the memories of their love. But do we see the good, the bad & the ugly?
People say until death do us apart but what they don't say is that is it a sad parting or a happy parting?
Sometimes, the spouse is so relieved that husband or wife is gone. But i can tell whether a couple's love is true, juz by looking.
And its not from the crying. Its how much attention they pay to the details. Its like they are loving the person as if he/she is still there.
And this is what true love is: "When you can still love someone without his or her physical presence."
Have you ever really love a woman--Bryan Adams
To really love a woman, To understand her,
You've got to know her deep inside
Hear every thought, See every dream,
And give her wings when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms,
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman, You tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman, You tell her that she's the one
She needs somebody, to tell her that it's gonna last forever {2nd}
(She needs somebody, to tell her that you'll always be together)
So tell me have you ever really...really, really ever loved a woman
2nd VERSE To really love a woman, Let her hold you,
Till you know how she needs to be touched
You've got to breathe her, really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
And when you see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman
You've got to give her some faith,
Hold her tight, a little tenderness
You've got to treat her right She will be there for you taking good care of you
You really gotta love your woman And when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms, You know you really love a woman............
To really love a woman, To understand her,
You've got to know her deep inside
Hear every thought, See every dream,
And give her wings when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms,
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman, You tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman, You tell her that she's the one
She needs somebody, to tell her that it's gonna last forever {2nd}
(She needs somebody, to tell her that you'll always be together)
So tell me have you ever really...really, really ever loved a woman
2nd VERSE To really love a woman, Let her hold you,
Till you know how she needs to be touched
You've got to breathe her, really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
And when you see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman
You've got to give her some faith,
Hold her tight, a little tenderness
You've got to treat her right She will be there for you taking good care of you
You really gotta love your woman And when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms, You know you really love a woman............
Haizzz...
I'm still very angry and upset with him.
How could he blame me for something that is not my fault?
And some more I did make an extra effort for it.
No wonder everybody said that he does not acts like a 33 yrs old.
He don't even know how to be responsible to himself.. How could he have/start a family and be responsible to them?
Haizzz...
Now.. I will give him the peace that he wants without me membebel to him or msg2 him yg bkn2.
I think i feel more peaceful today without bothering to think of him and worrying of almost everythg abt him.. checking/calling here & there for him.. planning for him.. doing almost everythg for him.
Maybe he's not the type who appreciates what ppl had done for him but at least have the courtesy to be polite to others.
If things doesn't get better, i do not want to go to his brother's wedding.
Or maybe i'll juz go for a while.. I will see how it goes.
That's it for today... I do not want to think so much anymore.
I will juz let it be..........
Alwayz i felt like i wanted to give up but i have to read the blog below.
I'm still very angry and upset with him.
How could he blame me for something that is not my fault?
And some more I did make an extra effort for it.
No wonder everybody said that he does not acts like a 33 yrs old.
He don't even know how to be responsible to himself.. How could he have/start a family and be responsible to them?
Haizzz...
Now.. I will give him the peace that he wants without me membebel to him or msg2 him yg bkn2.
I think i feel more peaceful today without bothering to think of him and worrying of almost everythg abt him.. checking/calling here & there for him.. planning for him.. doing almost everythg for him.
Maybe he's not the type who appreciates what ppl had done for him but at least have the courtesy to be polite to others.
If things doesn't get better, i do not want to go to his brother's wedding.
Or maybe i'll juz go for a while.. I will see how it goes.
That's it for today... I do not want to think so much anymore.
I will juz let it be..........
Alwayz i felt like i wanted to give up but i have to read the blog below.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Ouh my god......... Really hard to say...
Wan must have really loves me a lot!
Gosh..... I must not forget that all my life no matter what happens.
Although i have to say that i regret knowing Hasri first.
The feelings is hard to let go.. Although i'm trying very very hard. Really.
I must learnt... Coz i'm absolutely happy with Wan (except for some thgs that can't be change) and he loves me a lots more than Hasri does. (I think)
Plus he's gonna be my future husband. :)
I muz remember all these in my heart.
Coz i love Ridzwan Bin Salim a lot & lots. I love him more than i've love anybody else in this world.
Pls remember this alwayz k. Pls don't make him upset again.
Pls do not mention abt breaking up again.
Pls do not brought up the past again.
Pls concentrate only on the wedding & the future.
He have only loves you in his life and he changes everythg for you and he tries hard to pleases you. That's more than enough.
*I must alwayz read this piece of blog whenever i'm upset with him.
Thank God for everything.
Wan must have really loves me a lot!
Gosh..... I must not forget that all my life no matter what happens.
Although i have to say that i regret knowing Hasri first.
The feelings is hard to let go.. Although i'm trying very very hard. Really.
I must learnt... Coz i'm absolutely happy with Wan (except for some thgs that can't be change) and he loves me a lots more than Hasri does. (I think)
Plus he's gonna be my future husband. :)
I muz remember all these in my heart.
Coz i love Ridzwan Bin Salim a lot & lots. I love him more than i've love anybody else in this world.
Pls remember this alwayz k. Pls don't make him upset again.
Pls do not mention abt breaking up again.
Pls do not brought up the past again.
Pls concentrate only on the wedding & the future.
He have only loves you in his life and he changes everythg for you and he tries hard to pleases you. That's more than enough.
*I must alwayz read this piece of blog whenever i'm upset with him.
Thank God for everything.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Haizz... Kdg2 kesian jgk lah tgk matair aku ehk?
Tak tau lah apa yg aku nak... It's not that i don't love him... I really do love him.
I love him more than i've loved anyone else. (including my family members)
Tapi mayb kdg2 hati sendiri yg tk tenang.. Dats funny ryte?
Could i live forever like this??
Or i could choose to forget everythg that had happened, pretend that it nvr happen & he's the first one for me & juz be happy together.
But, can't really forget coz dere's a living proof of his daughter with the ex wife.
Even worst she's so close to me.. marrying a relation of mine. What the heck?!
This muz be god's test to me ryte?
I muz say that when i'm wif him.. in real life, i won't think of these thgs.
Its juz dat when i'm somewhere else then i will think abt it.
When i told him that i dun wanna met his ex wife ever. I do really meant it.
No, of cos i'm not jealous of her.
Its a fact that he loves me more than her.
But i can't accept ppl who doesn't appreciates the little thgs in life.
She got a husband who's a virgin for god sake (although he may not be perfect husband).
N she got a nice house & family. What more could she wants?
Some more she could be so mean & give him to try unnecessary thgs in life.
And.. the one that i can't accept at all is that she consented in her husband doing such a wrong thgs. How can someone juz kept quiet abt it?
Some more she didn't asked for the divorce. It's like she's contented in living that way.
I meant like if she's a good and righteous person, even though u feel like u dun love/hate that person, u should at least give an advise to them. Nie tak..
Dunno what kind of person is this...?
Then, at last i have to clean up the mess that she created.
That is why I hope i won't meet her ever. N i hope she won't attend my wedding later.
Yeah.. I know i'm being a bitch... :( That's the bitch in me talking...
Sometimes, i feel that i create unnecessary thgs so that one day he will be fed up and he will eventually break up with me.
Better now than later ryte? But he juz won't budge..
Maybe it's true that he does loves me a lot??
Tak tau lah apa yg aku nak... It's not that i don't love him... I really do love him.
I love him more than i've loved anyone else. (including my family members)
Tapi mayb kdg2 hati sendiri yg tk tenang.. Dats funny ryte?
Could i live forever like this??
Or i could choose to forget everythg that had happened, pretend that it nvr happen & he's the first one for me & juz be happy together.
But, can't really forget coz dere's a living proof of his daughter with the ex wife.
Even worst she's so close to me.. marrying a relation of mine. What the heck?!
This muz be god's test to me ryte?
I muz say that when i'm wif him.. in real life, i won't think of these thgs.
Its juz dat when i'm somewhere else then i will think abt it.
When i told him that i dun wanna met his ex wife ever. I do really meant it.
No, of cos i'm not jealous of her.
Its a fact that he loves me more than her.
But i can't accept ppl who doesn't appreciates the little thgs in life.
She got a husband who's a virgin for god sake (although he may not be perfect husband).
N she got a nice house & family. What more could she wants?
Some more she could be so mean & give him to try unnecessary thgs in life.
And.. the one that i can't accept at all is that she consented in her husband doing such a wrong thgs. How can someone juz kept quiet abt it?
Some more she didn't asked for the divorce. It's like she's contented in living that way.
I meant like if she's a good and righteous person, even though u feel like u dun love/hate that person, u should at least give an advise to them. Nie tak..
Dunno what kind of person is this...?
Then, at last i have to clean up the mess that she created.
That is why I hope i won't meet her ever. N i hope she won't attend my wedding later.
Yeah.. I know i'm being a bitch... :( That's the bitch in me talking...
Sometimes, i feel that i create unnecessary thgs so that one day he will be fed up and he will eventually break up with me.
Better now than later ryte? But he juz won't budge..
Maybe it's true that he does loves me a lot??
Friday, July 4, 2008
I feel bored living in this kind of life.
Living in my so called house.
I feel like it's not even a home, not even a house, maybe its more to a rubbish chute. Haha.
Singapore does not have any other options to go to.
Even rental house are expensive nowadays.
I feel that i dun have a room for success as long as i live in this kind of house.
Coz i still wish my mom was here more than anythg else.
Coz he juz failed as a father.
I hope Wan will be a great father to my children later on.
I dun want them to suffer the same fate as me. :(
Living in my so called house.
I feel like it's not even a home, not even a house, maybe its more to a rubbish chute. Haha.
Singapore does not have any other options to go to.
Even rental house are expensive nowadays.
I feel that i dun have a room for success as long as i live in this kind of house.
Coz i still wish my mom was here more than anythg else.
Coz he juz failed as a father.
I hope Wan will be a great father to my children later on.
I dun want them to suffer the same fate as me. :(
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
This is an excerpt from the beautiful Jamie Yeo about selling sex online:
"There are many other ways to make money. Selling your used panties is not and should never be an option. Sex and anythg to do with it should be reserved for the one you love (Thinking back do you really love all the ppl that you have had sex with). It really should be personal.
If you treat it with such disrespect, you're going to get too jaded to experience the infinite beauty of it in the future with that special someone. Cheap sex often comes back to haunt you and I don't want you to be haunted for the rest of your lives.
There are things in live that we think we can forget later on, but we never do because i suspect some things stay with us for the rest of our lives.
Why would you want to give a little bit of yourself to these perverts? You are way too good for them. So pls stop. There's a lot of money in this world to be made through many other ways."
This is really a good article and i hope all the ppl in this world will value sex and love more. Yeah, ppl can say that they have 1 sex that they regret coz its not love but you can't have three or multiple sex partners and still consider it to be done out of love right...?
Love or lust? I hope ppl can realized that what they did are wrong and follow the examples of older generations (not all) where sex is only limited to one (wife).
"There are many other ways to make money. Selling your used panties is not and should never be an option. Sex and anythg to do with it should be reserved for the one you love (Thinking back do you really love all the ppl that you have had sex with). It really should be personal.
If you treat it with such disrespect, you're going to get too jaded to experience the infinite beauty of it in the future with that special someone. Cheap sex often comes back to haunt you and I don't want you to be haunted for the rest of your lives.
There are things in live that we think we can forget later on, but we never do because i suspect some things stay with us for the rest of our lives.
Why would you want to give a little bit of yourself to these perverts? You are way too good for them. So pls stop. There's a lot of money in this world to be made through many other ways."
This is really a good article and i hope all the ppl in this world will value sex and love more. Yeah, ppl can say that they have 1 sex that they regret coz its not love but you can't have three or multiple sex partners and still consider it to be done out of love right...?
Love or lust? I hope ppl can realized that what they did are wrong and follow the examples of older generations (not all) where sex is only limited to one (wife).
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
A few days before my 22nd birthday, in early of june.. Zali decided to msg me at friendster? Was shocked to see it coz he was quiet for some time...
He said that he's move on in life.. Found a new job as a Cisco Officer.. dah balik rumah.. N he asked me to contact him back!
Then Wan was furious and send him a msg back... Hehe..
I understand how he feels.. Its difficult to move on.. but i'm already attached. And how can he said that at that he didn't meant to break up with me at that point of time?
And that he's only joking and i'm the one who take it seriously... What the hell?
Itu dia ckp main2...
Then dia takut Wan baca msg dia lage.. he then added me and msg me at Tagged.
Then i said sumthg which makes him angry.. N he wished me a happy birthday and hope that I'll be happy with Wan..
I wished him the same too.
He said that he's move on in life.. Found a new job as a Cisco Officer.. dah balik rumah.. N he asked me to contact him back!
Then Wan was furious and send him a msg back... Hehe..
I understand how he feels.. Its difficult to move on.. but i'm already attached. And how can he said that at that he didn't meant to break up with me at that point of time?
And that he's only joking and i'm the one who take it seriously... What the hell?
Itu dia ckp main2...
Then dia takut Wan baca msg dia lage.. he then added me and msg me at Tagged.
Then i said sumthg which makes him angry.. N he wished me a happy birthday and hope that I'll be happy with Wan..
I wished him the same too.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
21st June 2008
Its my 22nd Birthday!! I'm so happy today coz i got to celebrate it with him. Its my first time celebrating it with a special someone.. So i guess i will alwayz remember dis date.
Coz the fact that i know that he loves me a lot makes a difference. N it doesn't matter if everyone else forget my birthday as long as dat i have him.
When i meet him, its not according to plan coz he's a bit late then we go town and eat. He gives me a perfume in a pink box wrap with a ribbon.. Haha.. Dats so sweet of him...
Then there's this sweet note that he wrote for me which touched my heart. Hehe. I will frame it when i have the time to buy a frame. Hehe.
My 22nd birthday wish is dat i hope we could be together forever and get married with blessings and live happily ever after.. :)
Dats all for my birthday diary. I love you very much, Mr Ridzwan Bin Salim.
Its my 22nd Birthday!! I'm so happy today coz i got to celebrate it with him. Its my first time celebrating it with a special someone.. So i guess i will alwayz remember dis date.
Coz the fact that i know that he loves me a lot makes a difference. N it doesn't matter if everyone else forget my birthday as long as dat i have him.
When i meet him, its not according to plan coz he's a bit late then we go town and eat. He gives me a perfume in a pink box wrap with a ribbon.. Haha.. Dats so sweet of him...
Then there's this sweet note that he wrote for me which touched my heart. Hehe. I will frame it when i have the time to buy a frame. Hehe.
My 22nd birthday wish is dat i hope we could be together forever and get married with blessings and live happily ever after.. :)
Dats all for my birthday diary. I love you very much, Mr Ridzwan Bin Salim.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Today i've decided that i'm gonna blog abt my whole life story.. Juz in case sumthg happened n we lost our memory, at least its recorded in here.. :(
Childhood Years:
My childhood memories are basically a nice one. First lives near Tan Tock Seng Hospital. Everybody knows me. I remember being close to my dad. Alwayz followed him everywhere such as fetching my mum frm work... As what daughters are. I'm close to my mother too. In fact, I love my mum very much. She's alwayz buying me thgs. It felt normal. We felt like a normal family. I used to hate the fact that i can't be an only child.. Lolz! I dunno why.. maybe i juz enjoyed the attention of being the first child, grandchild & great grandchild of the family.. Haha.. I didn't expect that 20 yrs later, i wld have 10 more brothers and sisters to come....
I have many frenz in school.. n we alwayz played together.. I was so called in a popular clique in school. Lolz!!
Thgs started going downhill when my mum passed away a day after my birthday. We have celebrated it with my cousin coz we had the same birthday. That's the most saddest thg that could ever happened to me. I remembered that i've even been planning to buy her a present for her birthday in August.
I can't accept it that my mother is gone.. I thought that she wld come back. Even until now, i still think of her sometimes. They always said that i didn't think of my mum coz i dun like to visit her grave. But the fact is dat i dun like to imagine my mum being there.
Aft that, I didn't feel normal. I felt that there's somethg missing in my family. Ppl shld have a mum & dad. I can't stand the pity that everybody including my teachers are giving me. I hate to be different. My little bro n sisters wasnt that affected coz they have little memories of my mum.. But still, they still need a mum.
Dats y i can't accept it that my dad wanted to marry 1 n half yr later. Maybe i can't blame him n can't stop him from re-marrying, but it felt like its too early. It doesn't helped that everybody is not happy with the way that he handles thgs. N she's not even local. I can't say that she's a bad person but it juz doesn't feels right. I think my siblings deserve better so that they won't grow up like this. Terbiar.
Then there's all the quarells, fights n ppl bad-mouthing each other.. blaming each other.. the inheritance money.. everythg is a mess.
Teenage Years:
I have my first abg angkat at 13. Which is Abg Yan.
I have my first crush at 13 too with a guy from Peicai Sec.
I've alwayz dreamt of meeting my dream guy n having a perfect family since i was 13 too. Coz i hate the life that i'm living. I hate staying at Johore with them. Coz it felt like a cage.. n my stepmum can do watever she likes coz she knows that i n my siblings dunno the way out if i wanna run away..
I'm jealous of others with perfect family. I hate to see others with great, funny, kind mum. Ended up, i've alwayz stayed at other hse juz b'coz of their mum. Every mums know me.. N they like me too. Haizz.. Sounds so pathetic ryte?
As usual with secondary school life, change best friends, change group, a bit of rebelling here n there, but still........... i'm alwayz the gd gerl.. Haha. Maybe coz by being gd, ppl will like me n be nice to me.. So i enjoyed that attention too. God, i'm really an attention seeker huh? Lolz!!
Maybe to my family, i'm a rebel.. alwayz going out.. but to others, i'm a nice person n a gd gerl..
Relationship with Guys (The important ones that I can remember only):
1) The first guy that I got to know is Ashraf when i was 16 yrs old. He's a nice guy i can say (religiously) but he's a little weird. He likes me i guess but he keeps calling my hse if i didn't ans my calls which irritates me coz my family will went berserk if they know it!! N he likes punk. Which is a little diff frm me.. dats why.
2) Second guy that i got to know frm Abg Yan is his ITE Bedok classmate, Taufik. I think at dat time we like each other too... Almost everyday talked. Even Abg Yan pon fed up, kat class pon bebual.. Smp dia ckp suroh concentrate on my O Levels. But i didn't.. N ended up i failed! Me n him? We didn't get together.. Coz of some reasons dat i dun wanna remember.
3) Aft dat I got to know Shahid. I can't remember where. But dis guy likes me so very much... Really really too much. N he got posessived! He called me n msg me everyday. Said that i looked like an angel n all dat.. It was nice for ppl to compliment you.. but i juz hav the creeps. Then when his army mate got hold of my no., he was not happy abt it n they said that Shahid was obsessed with me. They kept saying that he said that i'm his, so his frenz cannot disturbed me. It pissed me off coz i'm nt his property. Then, he asked his little sister to befriend me so that i won't escape frm him n so that she can psycho me to stead wif her bro.
4) After that, I got to know a Bdk Pondok, Nizam which is my best fren's Sarah's Guy punya kwn. He's funny n cute. We didn't get together coz he's a bit too wild for me back then. Clubbing & Gangster.
5) Then Azmi comes along, he works at the same workplace with me n he likes me n he sound me. Azmi is like a dream guy coz he's nice, popular, handsome, in a nasyid group, suave, cool.. so generally i'm flattered that he chooses me? Dere's a lot of gerls there.. More pretty n sexy. But, everythg happens so fast n he told me that he wants to marry me. I was shocked. Of cos that its my dream to get married. But i think that its too early.. I was 17 going to 18. N at dat time, i didn't think that i love him coz the feelings haven't develop yet. I was stressed coz he kept pressuring me. I felt that he didn't get to know me as a person. I dunno why he chooses me to be his wife. So ended, i broke up with him.
6) After that, I got to know a guy that I like very much. His name is hedeir. I felt that it was true love coz.... it was love at first sight for both of us. He's my fren's Sarah's Guy fren too. N he's fren wif Nizam too. N i've heard so much abt him. Tak sangka dat time i join them for jalan raya, i finally got to see him. N he was juz waking up with his raya clothes n all... N he looks so handsome! Duh! Then the first hse dat we go is his hse! N then the parents like so funny n all.. then his dad asked me to come again.. Hehe.. But i didn't look at his direction at all coz i'm scared dat it will be too obvious... In the end we didn't talked at all.. Little did i expect 2 mths later dat he will called me!! He got my no. frm my Firzhan (Sarah's guy). He told me dat he also nk kenal2 with me at dat nyte.. but he said that i didn't looked at him.. so he thot that i'm not interested... Hehe.. We were close for more than 6 mths.. but we didn't get together b'coz of unspecific reason that cannot be stated here. Aft dat, still got a few of the bdk pondok wants to get to know me.. But.. i'm not interested.
7) Aft that i got to know my so called 2nd ex aft azmi, which i really didn't want to count actually. Lasted for a wk. He's dat stupid Ahmad Firdaus! A sweet talker. N a player. N he threatened n shouted at me in front of public. Dats humiliating enough! Aft that, he contacted me again pretending to be insaf n acted all nice n alim.. To get back together wif me.. But i'm wif someone already n i really dun hav feelings for him. So i knalkan him wif my best fren, Radea!!! N he corrupted her! I damned him for that.. till now.
8) Then got to know this guy, Zamri.. Handsome & charming.. got a bike.. N he likes me.. marriage type. But, dia dah lah tk tau agama at all, fine.. but he said dia tknak & refused to blajar agama skrg coz dat means if he do it juz b'coz he wants to marry me.. dat means niat dah tk ikhlas.. wat so ever lah. So tk jadi pape.
9) Got to know my so called third ex, Zul frm Pizza Hut. Baru je msk 2 wks n already he likes me? Lives nearby my hse so we often go back together n slalu dia fetch me even though he's nt working. Tk lama coz aft that he went NS n i heard a few rumours abt him (character differences) so i wanna break up n refused to meet him n dats when the true colours come out n he became more possesived n was stalking me. Threaten to kill himself.. mental prob lah.. Haizzz...... Nasib...
10) Stead wif Dino. Known him ryte aft dia kluar frm inside. Took a while to accept him. He's actually a sweet guy but can be hot tempered at times. Dun wanna elaborate more abt the r'ship coz dats the start of my downfall.
11) Know dis Fadly guy.. A nice & funny guy.. He likes me too i guess.. even until now.. But.. juz nt my type.. Susah kan?
12) Firdaus. A guy who joins pizza hut (he has a younger bro too) who is so damn handsome n looks like a bad guy n wif tattoos n tags (juz came out i think).. n the whole girls at Pizza Hut was like crazy over him.. n out of the whole ppl, he chooses me. He likes me so much.. dat he asks all his minahreps frenz at pizza hut to psycho me. N then he will changes shift to work wif me. Someone locks us together in the freezer also!Asks me out n all.. but.. i dun think dat we can be together.
13) Ajiz (Kebetulan pulak cousin Dino) get to know me when i dine in at the Pizza Hut where he works. Dat time of cos lah i didn't knw dat he's Dino's cousin. Then at dat pt, Dino still contact me n he didn't wanna let me go.. I still meet him if he insists dats when he got to knw abt Ajiz. He was fuming mad lah.. coz of jealousy.. what else! Then he kept on bothering me.. Dunno for fuck.. then i cannot tahan coz at dat pt Ajiz shows some sign dat he like me.. So i juz asked Ajiz to pretend dat i'm his gf so dat Dino will stop bothering me.. But dat didn't stop him.. He still sms me fucking thgs n even revealed dat Ajiz got a tattoo.. in order to make me 'break up' wif him. But... he didn't succeed. We are nt a couple in the first place.
14) Dats when i met my ex, Norhasri. Everythg was great! It felt like jodoh. Dat we r meant to be together. Everythg falls into place like it shld be. We didn't hav any major probs.. N we r in love. But, it started with a lie dat leads to another lies. So.. thgs happened. Dun wish to elaborate further. Dattime he wants to patch thgs up.. But it didn't happen.
15) Yano. He likes me but we can't be together coz of certain thgs. But dat time he alwayz fetch me from work using his bike. Caring too n a gentlemen.. Although he did expressed his desires to do more.
16) Faizal matrep. I didn't like him.. I only like his son. A player. N then he wants me to be one of his gfs. Haha. Like real.
17) Farhah introduce me to zali. I didn't know why i like him. Even though at first i found him to be a little dark.. But, i think i fall for him coz he's a sweet guy n he loves kids. N the kids like him too. I think he can be a gd father. But yeah lah.. who expects dat he will be homeless n jobless. He only rely on me. But dats the first time i've met a bf's parents. Then he broke up wif me b'coz of his frenz. Dats his loss ryte. Then he wants me back. Dun wish to elaborate more.
18) Joe. We started off discussing business. Haha. But.. maybe coz he's matured n understanding, then we hit it off. Didn't hav much probs.. He's the most gentlemen out of all the guys dat i've known......... even though he's a divorcee. But maybe he didn't want to trouble me or sumthg or dere's sumthg wrong somewhere.. So we break up. Thgs go a bit haywire aft the break up when he started drinking again. N when me n radea met him to pass his thgs, radea said that he looks diff n gaunt. N i can see that he lost a lot of weight. I dun understand why wld ppl torture themself when they r the ones who initiates the break up in the first place.
19) Eddie. Maybe i like him coz he looks like Hasri. Dats all. Found out that he got another gerl at the same time so i choose to let him go.
20) Faizal (Showtec). Its complicated. Most Showtec guys.. no need to elaborate. Coz same work is alwayz complicated. Esp if there's competition n all.
21) Effendy. Known him a long time ago but we didn't get together coz i found out that he's with someone else. Then by chance we contacted at msn n then got to know that we goes a long way back. Then he said he likes me.. blah blah blah.. Then got to know that dia dah tunang. Wat the fuck!
22) Shaizli. No chemistry n he got tattoo (tapi dah baik i think). Potentially rich. But still, no feelings towards him.
23) Lastly, I met him.. My current boyfriend. So far, this is the longest r'ship i hav ever had than the others. Emotionally? Physically? Dun wish to elaborate further... Hope my memory of this r'ship will remain as long as i live...
In between, of course i've met many many many more damn guys. But they are not worth mentioning here its either because i've no recollection of them n coz mostly many of them, they like me but in the first place i see that there's no pt in being with someone dat i don't have feelings with.. I will immediately tell them the truth. The rest r only jerks who wanted to get to know me coz they only want sexs, scandals, one night stands.. etc.
Adult:
Definitely diff lah from teenage yrs. More focus n determined. I like working. Coz it takes my mind off frm my family & guys. Focus on making money, focus on the future. Focus in making my life better, the way that i want to live it. But the prob still lies somewhere deep.................................................
I'LL BE 22 IN A FEW MORE DAYS!! HEHE... HOPEFULLY MY ADULT YRS, I CAN MAKE SOMETHG OUT OF MYSELF...
Childhood Years:
My childhood memories are basically a nice one. First lives near Tan Tock Seng Hospital. Everybody knows me. I remember being close to my dad. Alwayz followed him everywhere such as fetching my mum frm work... As what daughters are. I'm close to my mother too. In fact, I love my mum very much. She's alwayz buying me thgs. It felt normal. We felt like a normal family. I used to hate the fact that i can't be an only child.. Lolz! I dunno why.. maybe i juz enjoyed the attention of being the first child, grandchild & great grandchild of the family.. Haha.. I didn't expect that 20 yrs later, i wld have 10 more brothers and sisters to come....
I have many frenz in school.. n we alwayz played together.. I was so called in a popular clique in school. Lolz!!
Thgs started going downhill when my mum passed away a day after my birthday. We have celebrated it with my cousin coz we had the same birthday. That's the most saddest thg that could ever happened to me. I remembered that i've even been planning to buy her a present for her birthday in August.
I can't accept it that my mother is gone.. I thought that she wld come back. Even until now, i still think of her sometimes. They always said that i didn't think of my mum coz i dun like to visit her grave. But the fact is dat i dun like to imagine my mum being there.
Aft that, I didn't feel normal. I felt that there's somethg missing in my family. Ppl shld have a mum & dad. I can't stand the pity that everybody including my teachers are giving me. I hate to be different. My little bro n sisters wasnt that affected coz they have little memories of my mum.. But still, they still need a mum.
Dats y i can't accept it that my dad wanted to marry 1 n half yr later. Maybe i can't blame him n can't stop him from re-marrying, but it felt like its too early. It doesn't helped that everybody is not happy with the way that he handles thgs. N she's not even local. I can't say that she's a bad person but it juz doesn't feels right. I think my siblings deserve better so that they won't grow up like this. Terbiar.
Then there's all the quarells, fights n ppl bad-mouthing each other.. blaming each other.. the inheritance money.. everythg is a mess.
Teenage Years:
I have my first abg angkat at 13. Which is Abg Yan.
I have my first crush at 13 too with a guy from Peicai Sec.
I've alwayz dreamt of meeting my dream guy n having a perfect family since i was 13 too. Coz i hate the life that i'm living. I hate staying at Johore with them. Coz it felt like a cage.. n my stepmum can do watever she likes coz she knows that i n my siblings dunno the way out if i wanna run away..
I'm jealous of others with perfect family. I hate to see others with great, funny, kind mum. Ended up, i've alwayz stayed at other hse juz b'coz of their mum. Every mums know me.. N they like me too. Haizz.. Sounds so pathetic ryte?
As usual with secondary school life, change best friends, change group, a bit of rebelling here n there, but still........... i'm alwayz the gd gerl.. Haha. Maybe coz by being gd, ppl will like me n be nice to me.. So i enjoyed that attention too. God, i'm really an attention seeker huh? Lolz!!
Maybe to my family, i'm a rebel.. alwayz going out.. but to others, i'm a nice person n a gd gerl..
Relationship with Guys (The important ones that I can remember only):
1) The first guy that I got to know is Ashraf when i was 16 yrs old. He's a nice guy i can say (religiously) but he's a little weird. He likes me i guess but he keeps calling my hse if i didn't ans my calls which irritates me coz my family will went berserk if they know it!! N he likes punk. Which is a little diff frm me.. dats why.
2) Second guy that i got to know frm Abg Yan is his ITE Bedok classmate, Taufik. I think at dat time we like each other too... Almost everyday talked. Even Abg Yan pon fed up, kat class pon bebual.. Smp dia ckp suroh concentrate on my O Levels. But i didn't.. N ended up i failed! Me n him? We didn't get together.. Coz of some reasons dat i dun wanna remember.
3) Aft dat I got to know Shahid. I can't remember where. But dis guy likes me so very much... Really really too much. N he got posessived! He called me n msg me everyday. Said that i looked like an angel n all dat.. It was nice for ppl to compliment you.. but i juz hav the creeps. Then when his army mate got hold of my no., he was not happy abt it n they said that Shahid was obsessed with me. They kept saying that he said that i'm his, so his frenz cannot disturbed me. It pissed me off coz i'm nt his property. Then, he asked his little sister to befriend me so that i won't escape frm him n so that she can psycho me to stead wif her bro.
4) After that, I got to know a Bdk Pondok, Nizam which is my best fren's Sarah's Guy punya kwn. He's funny n cute. We didn't get together coz he's a bit too wild for me back then. Clubbing & Gangster.
5) Then Azmi comes along, he works at the same workplace with me n he likes me n he sound me. Azmi is like a dream guy coz he's nice, popular, handsome, in a nasyid group, suave, cool.. so generally i'm flattered that he chooses me? Dere's a lot of gerls there.. More pretty n sexy. But, everythg happens so fast n he told me that he wants to marry me. I was shocked. Of cos that its my dream to get married. But i think that its too early.. I was 17 going to 18. N at dat time, i didn't think that i love him coz the feelings haven't develop yet. I was stressed coz he kept pressuring me. I felt that he didn't get to know me as a person. I dunno why he chooses me to be his wife. So ended, i broke up with him.
6) After that, I got to know a guy that I like very much. His name is hedeir. I felt that it was true love coz.... it was love at first sight for both of us. He's my fren's Sarah's Guy fren too. N he's fren wif Nizam too. N i've heard so much abt him. Tak sangka dat time i join them for jalan raya, i finally got to see him. N he was juz waking up with his raya clothes n all... N he looks so handsome! Duh! Then the first hse dat we go is his hse! N then the parents like so funny n all.. then his dad asked me to come again.. Hehe.. But i didn't look at his direction at all coz i'm scared dat it will be too obvious... In the end we didn't talked at all.. Little did i expect 2 mths later dat he will called me!! He got my no. frm my Firzhan (Sarah's guy). He told me dat he also nk kenal2 with me at dat nyte.. but he said that i didn't looked at him.. so he thot that i'm not interested... Hehe.. We were close for more than 6 mths.. but we didn't get together b'coz of unspecific reason that cannot be stated here. Aft dat, still got a few of the bdk pondok wants to get to know me.. But.. i'm not interested.
7) Aft that i got to know my so called 2nd ex aft azmi, which i really didn't want to count actually. Lasted for a wk. He's dat stupid Ahmad Firdaus! A sweet talker. N a player. N he threatened n shouted at me in front of public. Dats humiliating enough! Aft that, he contacted me again pretending to be insaf n acted all nice n alim.. To get back together wif me.. But i'm wif someone already n i really dun hav feelings for him. So i knalkan him wif my best fren, Radea!!! N he corrupted her! I damned him for that.. till now.
8) Then got to know this guy, Zamri.. Handsome & charming.. got a bike.. N he likes me.. marriage type. But, dia dah lah tk tau agama at all, fine.. but he said dia tknak & refused to blajar agama skrg coz dat means if he do it juz b'coz he wants to marry me.. dat means niat dah tk ikhlas.. wat so ever lah. So tk jadi pape.
9) Got to know my so called third ex, Zul frm Pizza Hut. Baru je msk 2 wks n already he likes me? Lives nearby my hse so we often go back together n slalu dia fetch me even though he's nt working. Tk lama coz aft that he went NS n i heard a few rumours abt him (character differences) so i wanna break up n refused to meet him n dats when the true colours come out n he became more possesived n was stalking me. Threaten to kill himself.. mental prob lah.. Haizzz...... Nasib...
10) Stead wif Dino. Known him ryte aft dia kluar frm inside. Took a while to accept him. He's actually a sweet guy but can be hot tempered at times. Dun wanna elaborate more abt the r'ship coz dats the start of my downfall.
11) Know dis Fadly guy.. A nice & funny guy.. He likes me too i guess.. even until now.. But.. juz nt my type.. Susah kan?
12) Firdaus. A guy who joins pizza hut (he has a younger bro too) who is so damn handsome n looks like a bad guy n wif tattoos n tags (juz came out i think).. n the whole girls at Pizza Hut was like crazy over him.. n out of the whole ppl, he chooses me. He likes me so much.. dat he asks all his minahreps frenz at pizza hut to psycho me. N then he will changes shift to work wif me. Someone locks us together in the freezer also!Asks me out n all.. but.. i dun think dat we can be together.
13) Ajiz (Kebetulan pulak cousin Dino) get to know me when i dine in at the Pizza Hut where he works. Dat time of cos lah i didn't knw dat he's Dino's cousin. Then at dat pt, Dino still contact me n he didn't wanna let me go.. I still meet him if he insists dats when he got to knw abt Ajiz. He was fuming mad lah.. coz of jealousy.. what else! Then he kept on bothering me.. Dunno for fuck.. then i cannot tahan coz at dat pt Ajiz shows some sign dat he like me.. So i juz asked Ajiz to pretend dat i'm his gf so dat Dino will stop bothering me.. But dat didn't stop him.. He still sms me fucking thgs n even revealed dat Ajiz got a tattoo.. in order to make me 'break up' wif him. But... he didn't succeed. We are nt a couple in the first place.
14) Dats when i met my ex, Norhasri. Everythg was great! It felt like jodoh. Dat we r meant to be together. Everythg falls into place like it shld be. We didn't hav any major probs.. N we r in love. But, it started with a lie dat leads to another lies. So.. thgs happened. Dun wish to elaborate further. Dattime he wants to patch thgs up.. But it didn't happen.
15) Yano. He likes me but we can't be together coz of certain thgs. But dat time he alwayz fetch me from work using his bike. Caring too n a gentlemen.. Although he did expressed his desires to do more.
16) Faizal matrep. I didn't like him.. I only like his son. A player. N then he wants me to be one of his gfs. Haha. Like real.
17) Farhah introduce me to zali. I didn't know why i like him. Even though at first i found him to be a little dark.. But, i think i fall for him coz he's a sweet guy n he loves kids. N the kids like him too. I think he can be a gd father. But yeah lah.. who expects dat he will be homeless n jobless. He only rely on me. But dats the first time i've met a bf's parents. Then he broke up wif me b'coz of his frenz. Dats his loss ryte. Then he wants me back. Dun wish to elaborate more.
18) Joe. We started off discussing business. Haha. But.. maybe coz he's matured n understanding, then we hit it off. Didn't hav much probs.. He's the most gentlemen out of all the guys dat i've known......... even though he's a divorcee. But maybe he didn't want to trouble me or sumthg or dere's sumthg wrong somewhere.. So we break up. Thgs go a bit haywire aft the break up when he started drinking again. N when me n radea met him to pass his thgs, radea said that he looks diff n gaunt. N i can see that he lost a lot of weight. I dun understand why wld ppl torture themself when they r the ones who initiates the break up in the first place.
19) Eddie. Maybe i like him coz he looks like Hasri. Dats all. Found out that he got another gerl at the same time so i choose to let him go.
20) Faizal (Showtec). Its complicated. Most Showtec guys.. no need to elaborate. Coz same work is alwayz complicated. Esp if there's competition n all.
21) Effendy. Known him a long time ago but we didn't get together coz i found out that he's with someone else. Then by chance we contacted at msn n then got to know that we goes a long way back. Then he said he likes me.. blah blah blah.. Then got to know that dia dah tunang. Wat the fuck!
22) Shaizli. No chemistry n he got tattoo (tapi dah baik i think). Potentially rich. But still, no feelings towards him.
23) Lastly, I met him.. My current boyfriend. So far, this is the longest r'ship i hav ever had than the others. Emotionally? Physically? Dun wish to elaborate further... Hope my memory of this r'ship will remain as long as i live...
In between, of course i've met many many many more damn guys. But they are not worth mentioning here its either because i've no recollection of them n coz mostly many of them, they like me but in the first place i see that there's no pt in being with someone dat i don't have feelings with.. I will immediately tell them the truth. The rest r only jerks who wanted to get to know me coz they only want sexs, scandals, one night stands.. etc.
Adult:
Definitely diff lah from teenage yrs. More focus n determined. I like working. Coz it takes my mind off frm my family & guys. Focus on making money, focus on the future. Focus in making my life better, the way that i want to live it. But the prob still lies somewhere deep.................................................
I'LL BE 22 IN A FEW MORE DAYS!! HEHE... HOPEFULLY MY ADULT YRS, I CAN MAKE SOMETHG OUT OF MYSELF...
I think zali wants me back sey.. I juz got the feelings.
Dunno why he msg me so many times. Then he wants me to contact him some more.. as in thru phone.
Coz he said that he didn't meant to broke up wif me at dat time.. Wat is dat supposed to meant? Isn't it a bit too late? Its already been one n half year.. :(
N he said that he still feel bad n guilty towards me although he told me so many times dat i've already forgiven him..
N dat time he didn't even care abt my feelings when he ikut his fren n left me below the blk, crying. He didn't care when he told his frenz dat semua dah jln terus.
He didn't care when at dat time i give him a chance to contact me back n he still have not changed. He didn't care when the guys disturbed me like hell n he juz kept quiet coz he knows dat he's not my guy anymore.
But if you really loves a person, wld you left her like dat?
I was so mad at him dat nyte.. N he can even bring up the subject dat he wants us to be together like laz time.
I dun wanna reply to his msg anymore.. but i already told him to find another girl dat really loves him..
Dunno why he msg me so many times. Then he wants me to contact him some more.. as in thru phone.
Coz he said that he didn't meant to broke up wif me at dat time.. Wat is dat supposed to meant? Isn't it a bit too late? Its already been one n half year.. :(
N he said that he still feel bad n guilty towards me although he told me so many times dat i've already forgiven him..
N dat time he didn't even care abt my feelings when he ikut his fren n left me below the blk, crying. He didn't care when he told his frenz dat semua dah jln terus.
He didn't care when at dat time i give him a chance to contact me back n he still have not changed. He didn't care when the guys disturbed me like hell n he juz kept quiet coz he knows dat he's not my guy anymore.
But if you really loves a person, wld you left her like dat?
I was so mad at him dat nyte.. N he can even bring up the subject dat he wants us to be together like laz time.
I dun wanna reply to his msg anymore.. but i already told him to find another girl dat really loves him..
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I'm upset. And that's b'coz of him.
As a guy, i think... he's not the normal type.
This is already not a normal type of r'ship.
Susah jgklah nk stead wif a divorcee nie?
Mcm tkda semangat... abeh yg terasa is aku...
Bknyya nk kata menyesal.. but its juz not fair...
Fair ke gitu? Dere's no fairness in this world i guess...
What u have chosen is what u get. Maybe the least he can do is understand my feelings. But no.. he's clueless abt everythg..
Abeh mcm mana? My hopes and dreams r diff frm him? Susahlah..
Is it juz me or everythg seems wrong? Why is this happening to me?
Then he expects more frm me.. but he didn't seem to get what i'm expecting from him at all? Is it fair?
I dun wanna brought that subject up coz it seems stupid.
HE as a guy shld automatically knows what to do. Not wait until the girl brings up the topic. Is that the correct way?
Aku mcm dah upset semacam niari.. but as usual.. I can stile smile and laugh to ppl. Dats the power of Ina.
As a guy, i think... he's not the normal type.
This is already not a normal type of r'ship.
Susah jgklah nk stead wif a divorcee nie?
Mcm tkda semangat... abeh yg terasa is aku...
Bknyya nk kata menyesal.. but its juz not fair...
Fair ke gitu? Dere's no fairness in this world i guess...
What u have chosen is what u get. Maybe the least he can do is understand my feelings. But no.. he's clueless abt everythg..
Abeh mcm mana? My hopes and dreams r diff frm him? Susahlah..
Is it juz me or everythg seems wrong? Why is this happening to me?
Then he expects more frm me.. but he didn't seem to get what i'm expecting from him at all? Is it fair?
I dun wanna brought that subject up coz it seems stupid.
HE as a guy shld automatically knows what to do. Not wait until the girl brings up the topic. Is that the correct way?
Aku mcm dah upset semacam niari.. but as usual.. I can stile smile and laugh to ppl. Dats the power of Ina.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Janganlah hanya mengukir janji
Sedangkan dikau masih mencari..Adakah benar kata kata...
Bukan ungkapan sementara...
Kaulah pancaran yang daku rasa..
Bagaikan obor yang menyinar...
Jika terpadam tiba tiba.. Sunyilah insan alam gelita..
Jika kau selam hati ini...Pastinya engkau kan mengerti..
Betapa sucinya cintaku.. Jangan diragu...
Jika kau rasa getarnya.. Debaran kasih cinta yang meronta..
Nilai kasihku padamu cukup berharga...
Bukan simpati yang aku pinta...
Kebenaranmu memutus kata...
Agar dapatku abadikan...
Untuk pedoman peniti cinta...
Jika kau selam hati ini...
Pastinya engkau kan mengerti...
Betapa sucinya cintaku..
Jangan diragu... Jika kau rasa getarnya...
Debaran kasih cinta yang meronta...
Nilai kasihku padamu.. Cukup berharga..
Now i understand my dear.. why do u kept on listening to this song so much... When i saw the lyrics then i knew hw u're feeling.. I'm so sorry dear...I know that you love me very very much... Maybe you love me so much dat even people ard you noticed dat.. But its hard for me to notice dat when i kept on thinking abt ur mixed up un-normal past.. N ur equally mixed up exs.. I'll be very upset..
Dats why i shld not have mind so much abt ur past even though u're a divorcee. :( Coz when Of cos when u said that i'm too gd for u.. U didn't meant it in a bad way... I meant to forget it of cos but its hard coz u've already told me everythg...
It's normal for couples to go thru ups & downs but i shld not hav think abt breaking up all the time when the thgs are so trivial ryte.. Humans life are already so short.. We should have treasured every single moment together...
Sedangkan dikau masih mencari..Adakah benar kata kata...
Bukan ungkapan sementara...
Kaulah pancaran yang daku rasa..
Bagaikan obor yang menyinar...
Jika terpadam tiba tiba.. Sunyilah insan alam gelita..
Jika kau selam hati ini...Pastinya engkau kan mengerti..
Betapa sucinya cintaku.. Jangan diragu...
Jika kau rasa getarnya.. Debaran kasih cinta yang meronta..
Nilai kasihku padamu cukup berharga...
Bukan simpati yang aku pinta...
Kebenaranmu memutus kata...
Agar dapatku abadikan...
Untuk pedoman peniti cinta...
Jika kau selam hati ini...
Pastinya engkau kan mengerti...
Betapa sucinya cintaku..
Jangan diragu... Jika kau rasa getarnya...
Debaran kasih cinta yang meronta...
Nilai kasihku padamu.. Cukup berharga..
Now i understand my dear.. why do u kept on listening to this song so much... When i saw the lyrics then i knew hw u're feeling.. I'm so sorry dear...I know that you love me very very much... Maybe you love me so much dat even people ard you noticed dat.. But its hard for me to notice dat when i kept on thinking abt ur mixed up un-normal past.. N ur equally mixed up exs.. I'll be very upset..
Dats why i shld not have mind so much abt ur past even though u're a divorcee. :( Coz when Of cos when u said that i'm too gd for u.. U didn't meant it in a bad way... I meant to forget it of cos but its hard coz u've already told me everythg...
It's normal for couples to go thru ups & downs but i shld not hav think abt breaking up all the time when the thgs are so trivial ryte.. Humans life are already so short.. We should have treasured every single moment together...
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sometimes i do not understand what he's thinking when he did all those thgs which hurts me?
Maybe he felt that it's the normal thgs to do? But for me its not a normal thg to do?
Sometimes i felt that he's being childish... Maybe his daughter is not as childish as he is...
Abt yesterday i was really dissapointed...
It's still okay if he didn't reply my msg that morng.. Maybe he's asleep...
It was still okay if he go to bbdc & didn't update me on anythg...
But when at 8 pm he still have not msg me... I was worried that he will not kept his promise again.
I was fidgeting in class b'coz he still have not msg me whether he's meeting me or not.. Even Hyder & James could see that i'm upset & no mood.. But they juz assume that i'm juz tired. I can't barely concentrate.
N i really dun want him to forget.. Coz i will definitely be angry but at the same time i dun wanna msg or kol him to remind.. Coz i wanna see his determination n efforts himself.
But i still keep on reminding myself that he will be dere. But when i saw dat he's not dere and dere's still no calls or sms-es by 9.45 pm.. Of cos u will be angry & dissapointed ryte...
But i still dun feel like calling him coz i dun want to discover that he's sleeping at home. Furthermore if he's dere, why didn't he call me ryte..
When he called me at 10.15 pm when i'm at Kranji already.. I already suspected 2 thgs but i was so damn angry that i'm scared i will cried inside the train if i picked up the call.
Even after i didn't picked up, dere's no msg of apologizing. I'm not sure maybe he didn't think that was his fault.
I'm not sure what to feel ryte now.. I really dunno why these thgs happened.
Its supposed to teached us somethg ryte?
1) There's a need for couples to communicate.
2) Even though the r'ship is 1 yr or 10 yrs, its still important to make efforts.
3) Realized the mistakes & learnt frm it.
I can't say that i'm not upset now.. Its like an icing in the cake since last Sunday.
I dun think we'll be meeting my auntie dis Sunday. I seriously don't think that u're ready yet.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I'm feeling a bit lethargic... No mood at all to work.
Not happy being here... Not happy being at home. :(
I'm a gerl with so much dreams... Its only the ppl who r alwayz destroying the dreams.
I think Mak Baru is the real two faced monster.. I still can rememeber the stuck up face yesterday.. Yeah fine... if org dah nk sidai kan.. why can't she juz put it there.. Obviously she hav issues with herself.
What a bitch! Dunno what she sembahyang for huh? :(
Joanna & Sharon is still consider okay... N mak busu too.
These r the types of ppl that i can't connect with... I hope my next environment will be like a family.
I felt guilty abt Wan.. the fact that he loves me very much and he could possibly makes me happy........ I shouldn't have treated him that way.
The r'ship deserves better. Coz having someone to really love you wholeheartedly is already a blessing itself.. :)
I'm glad that despite everythg, i still have him in my life. Thank you Allah.
I love you very much my dear.. Maybe i juz didn't realized it all these while.
Not happy being here... Not happy being at home. :(
I'm a gerl with so much dreams... Its only the ppl who r alwayz destroying the dreams.
I think Mak Baru is the real two faced monster.. I still can rememeber the stuck up face yesterday.. Yeah fine... if org dah nk sidai kan.. why can't she juz put it there.. Obviously she hav issues with herself.
What a bitch! Dunno what she sembahyang for huh? :(
Joanna & Sharon is still consider okay... N mak busu too.
These r the types of ppl that i can't connect with... I hope my next environment will be like a family.
I felt guilty abt Wan.. the fact that he loves me very much and he could possibly makes me happy........ I shouldn't have treated him that way.
The r'ship deserves better. Coz having someone to really love you wholeheartedly is already a blessing itself.. :)
I'm glad that despite everythg, i still have him in my life. Thank you Allah.
I love you very much my dear.. Maybe i juz didn't realized it all these while.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Lately, i've been so stressed out with my job...
So stress.. That i've been near to depression? It's not that the workload that have been stressing me out...
It's rather the ppl here who are stressing me out. You can see lots of diff ppl & diff kind of characters.. it's not consider bullying coz they act all nice in front of me.. N in general, i actually enjoyed doing more work & be in control.
But your heart will feel somethg when they are all earning more or double than you and yet you are the one who suffers. N some more they enjoy talking behind your back.
When you have someone who could do everythg for you, it's easy for you to take for granted what you have. That's human.
Always taking everythg for granted. I'm not usually a person who easily give up on thgs. I'm a fighter..always a fighter. When i failed somethg, i will feel extremely dissapointed with myself. Maybe coz i put on too much pressure on myself.
I really set high standards on myself to be perfect (inside & outside). N when ppl ard me behaves that way, it's easy to get upset when things are not going ur way. I'm already helpless abt the condition of my family, my hse, my room (wif my siblings and all) and the way they handle it.
To say that my father has failed as a father is an understatement..
But i know that tell myself when i have my own hse & family, i will make sure that it will be perfect. I will make sure that my husband is always happy and my kids will grow up to be such a courteous, happy n nice boys n gerls.
They always told me that if i don't do this, i don't do that.. I will fail as a wife & mother later on... But, what they don't know is that i have my own plans for my marriage n i won't let somethg trivial to be a hindrance to me. I will make it work.
Now, they are overreacting. Now I have to bring him to meet my family. Sometimes it's not that you purposely wants to keep it a secret. It's juz that sometimes you do want to get married early and all (i know that it's gd) but sometimes ur heart is not so sure yet... But.. if i believe in myself, n i believe in him.. N i believe that the marriage can be happy n will work out... There's nothing that can stop it ryte?
I will juz leave it to fate.
So stress.. That i've been near to depression? It's not that the workload that have been stressing me out...
It's rather the ppl here who are stressing me out. You can see lots of diff ppl & diff kind of characters.. it's not consider bullying coz they act all nice in front of me.. N in general, i actually enjoyed doing more work & be in control.
But your heart will feel somethg when they are all earning more or double than you and yet you are the one who suffers. N some more they enjoy talking behind your back.
When you have someone who could do everythg for you, it's easy for you to take for granted what you have. That's human.
Always taking everythg for granted. I'm not usually a person who easily give up on thgs. I'm a fighter..always a fighter. When i failed somethg, i will feel extremely dissapointed with myself. Maybe coz i put on too much pressure on myself.
I really set high standards on myself to be perfect (inside & outside). N when ppl ard me behaves that way, it's easy to get upset when things are not going ur way. I'm already helpless abt the condition of my family, my hse, my room (wif my siblings and all) and the way they handle it.
To say that my father has failed as a father is an understatement..
But i know that tell myself when i have my own hse & family, i will make sure that it will be perfect. I will make sure that my husband is always happy and my kids will grow up to be such a courteous, happy n nice boys n gerls.
They always told me that if i don't do this, i don't do that.. I will fail as a wife & mother later on... But, what they don't know is that i have my own plans for my marriage n i won't let somethg trivial to be a hindrance to me. I will make it work.
Now, they are overreacting. Now I have to bring him to meet my family. Sometimes it's not that you purposely wants to keep it a secret. It's juz that sometimes you do want to get married early and all (i know that it's gd) but sometimes ur heart is not so sure yet... But.. if i believe in myself, n i believe in him.. N i believe that the marriage can be happy n will work out... There's nothing that can stop it ryte?
I will juz leave it to fate.
Haizz.. so much thgs had happened for these past few weeks...
In all, i know that it will make my r'ship wif him stronger..
he's jealous b'coz of everythg (n i really meant every single guy)... so i've got no other choice?
we need to survive.. survival is important in this selfish city.
I know that.. n my hope is that if i'm gonna be wif wan together for the rest of my life... n we are not that well off, i will do everythg within my meants to make us live comfortably.
For our children to live comfortably.
For our extended families to live comfortably.
That's my hope. Helping others will come only after i have enough to cover for myself n the others.
I hope that our love will continue to be strong throughout the years. He's not a bad guy actually.. but he's just an average guy who's easily contented (diff frm me) and lacks of motivation. But that's okay... with me ard, he can be easily motivated..
Thanks dear for loving me the way that you love me.
In all, i know that it will make my r'ship wif him stronger..
he's jealous b'coz of everythg (n i really meant every single guy)... so i've got no other choice?
we need to survive.. survival is important in this selfish city.
I know that.. n my hope is that if i'm gonna be wif wan together for the rest of my life... n we are not that well off, i will do everythg within my meants to make us live comfortably.
For our children to live comfortably.
For our extended families to live comfortably.
That's my hope. Helping others will come only after i have enough to cover for myself n the others.
I hope that our love will continue to be strong throughout the years. He's not a bad guy actually.. but he's just an average guy who's easily contented (diff frm me) and lacks of motivation. But that's okay... with me ard, he can be easily motivated..
Thanks dear for loving me the way that you love me.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
I'm truly sorry that I've make him worry.
I really shouldn't do that...coz i know that he really loves me a lot and he has nvr even hurt my feelings deeply or intentionally except for the little2 thgs that can be forgiven...
So.. I shld have not make some that loves you worry ryte?
Thinking that you might leave them?? How can i do that to someone who tries hard to please me.
Maybe i'm juz stressed abt work and then makes me think abt marriage and his lack of savings...
I know that its only a plot...But he looks like very stressed out abt the matter & keeps blaming himself...
I'm really sorry baby.. I promise that I will love you more.
That's a promise. I will love you for my whole life.
I really shouldn't do that...coz i know that he really loves me a lot and he has nvr even hurt my feelings deeply or intentionally except for the little2 thgs that can be forgiven...
So.. I shld have not make some that loves you worry ryte?
Thinking that you might leave them?? How can i do that to someone who tries hard to please me.
Maybe i'm juz stressed abt work and then makes me think abt marriage and his lack of savings...
I know that its only a plot...But he looks like very stressed out abt the matter & keeps blaming himself...
I'm really sorry baby.. I promise that I will love you more.
That's a promise. I will love you for my whole life.
I will swear that those who look down on me will regret it later... Those who presevere will always be the one most successful in life. If i ever succeed one day, then... Haizz.. Wah lau weh..
Hate these type of ppl and the way they work.
Aft so long, i still feel that i can't understand them. Is it the typical chinese way of doing things like savings their own backside.
Only they both can understand each other. One thg i know.. when she say that i must learnt.. Is that i've got my own way of doing thgs and i won't do it like others do it...
Haha... Only someone like J will think it that way and only a person like her who will look up to somebody like S. Thanks anyway.. The only lesson that I've learnt her is that ppl can be selfish and egoistical. The world is full of these ppl. I hope i will meet somebody truly nice later on and share my sentiments in life.....
Hate these type of ppl and the way they work.
Aft so long, i still feel that i can't understand them. Is it the typical chinese way of doing things like savings their own backside.
Only they both can understand each other. One thg i know.. when she say that i must learnt.. Is that i've got my own way of doing thgs and i won't do it like others do it...
Haha... Only someone like J will think it that way and only a person like her who will look up to somebody like S. Thanks anyway.. The only lesson that I've learnt her is that ppl can be selfish and egoistical. The world is full of these ppl. I hope i will meet somebody truly nice later on and share my sentiments in life.....
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I really hates it when Nadyia said that i shld just forget it abt the cpf thingy...
But i'm not her... Its not abt the money issue... its abt the moral & integrity of a mly muslim boss/employer who did not conduct a proper business and even wants to hold back a meager sum of money from his employee cpf which he had already deducted frm the employee's pay...
Furthermore it's my first full time job.. n i dun think he shld do that to me. :(
I really admire this Azren guy (my colleague) same like how i admire Abg Fadoli.
That is how a true man has to acts. Must plan everythg for the future & work hard to save money. I cans see that he's working hard towards his future & saving harder. Even just now he was already enquiring with hdb for a flat & taking up loans n bank loans. He knows that he's gonna get married in 2 yrs time and he was planning for everythg... everythg... His fiancee shld be lucky to get a husband like him. :)
Even Kamal & Sham is working hard & saving hard for their upcoming marriage. N they r all younger than Wan. Why r they thinking maturely but Wan is not?
That's the prob with my bf that will arise when you r being too pampered by your parents n everythg in your first marriage is being sponsored by your parents except for the duit hantaran. It means trouble for the second marriage. Really big trouble.
Its very diff with my bf. He nvr plans n nvr do anythg for the future. He said that we're gonna get married in 2 yrs time. Its not a long time for a couple n what he only knows is to talk.
I'm not saying that he's a bad guy.. But sometimes i find it dissapointing if the only thg that he thinks n talks abt is sex. N when i meant planning abt the future is not planning abt just the sex thg!
Sometimes i think & think whether did i get the right guy??
I shld think that sex is the only thg in his mind n everytime what's on his mind is that the planning on when to meet me so that he can do that things n aft that it's all back to square one.
I do give him hints & scenarios sometimes but he just doesn't get it.
I dunno what did he do with his first marriage (n who planned it). But all i can say is that for an experience guy in this marriage thg, he does not looks so experience at all.
I can see that Bobby is going thru what my bf is going thru in his first yr of marriage. But maybe Bobby's situation is a bit diff coz Bobby is more patience type of guy so they didn't quarell often like Wan & his ex wife.
I really dunno wat to say.. I'm kind of sick & tired of it actually.. but i just kept quiet.
Maybe its not the right thg to do..but i really dunno how to bring up the subject. I dun want him & other ppl to think that i'm so desperate.
I'm really not desperate to get married coz i'm still young but i just dun think that this is the right way for a guy to behave when he knows that he wanna get married in 2 yrs or less n he's always sakit & all.. It's not wrong for him to feel that way but it is just appropriate for him to feel that way aft we r married so that there r no more restrictions.
Such a dilemma. :(
Pls dun make me give up this r'ship.
But i'm not her... Its not abt the money issue... its abt the moral & integrity of a mly muslim boss/employer who did not conduct a proper business and even wants to hold back a meager sum of money from his employee cpf which he had already deducted frm the employee's pay...
Furthermore it's my first full time job.. n i dun think he shld do that to me. :(
I really admire this Azren guy (my colleague) same like how i admire Abg Fadoli.
That is how a true man has to acts. Must plan everythg for the future & work hard to save money. I cans see that he's working hard towards his future & saving harder. Even just now he was already enquiring with hdb for a flat & taking up loans n bank loans. He knows that he's gonna get married in 2 yrs time and he was planning for everythg... everythg... His fiancee shld be lucky to get a husband like him. :)
Even Kamal & Sham is working hard & saving hard for their upcoming marriage. N they r all younger than Wan. Why r they thinking maturely but Wan is not?
That's the prob with my bf that will arise when you r being too pampered by your parents n everythg in your first marriage is being sponsored by your parents except for the duit hantaran. It means trouble for the second marriage. Really big trouble.
Its very diff with my bf. He nvr plans n nvr do anythg for the future. He said that we're gonna get married in 2 yrs time. Its not a long time for a couple n what he only knows is to talk.
I'm not saying that he's a bad guy.. But sometimes i find it dissapointing if the only thg that he thinks n talks abt is sex. N when i meant planning abt the future is not planning abt just the sex thg!
Sometimes i think & think whether did i get the right guy??
I shld think that sex is the only thg in his mind n everytime what's on his mind is that the planning on when to meet me so that he can do that things n aft that it's all back to square one.
I do give him hints & scenarios sometimes but he just doesn't get it.
I dunno what did he do with his first marriage (n who planned it). But all i can say is that for an experience guy in this marriage thg, he does not looks so experience at all.
I can see that Bobby is going thru what my bf is going thru in his first yr of marriage. But maybe Bobby's situation is a bit diff coz Bobby is more patience type of guy so they didn't quarell often like Wan & his ex wife.
I really dunno wat to say.. I'm kind of sick & tired of it actually.. but i just kept quiet.
Maybe its not the right thg to do..but i really dunno how to bring up the subject. I dun want him & other ppl to think that i'm so desperate.
I'm really not desperate to get married coz i'm still young but i just dun think that this is the right way for a guy to behave when he knows that he wanna get married in 2 yrs or less n he's always sakit & all.. It's not wrong for him to feel that way but it is just appropriate for him to feel that way aft we r married so that there r no more restrictions.
Such a dilemma. :(
Pls dun make me give up this r'ship.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Its really sad & heartbreaking to see and it's really bothering me a lot on people with low moral issues such example is Wan, his EX WIFE and his first EX... Being 32, 33, 34.. they are all much more older than me but the thgs that they had learnt in life is so limited.. Sumthg which i cannot connect at all. Why is there such things happening in our malay society??
I still find that his ex wife is still okay compared to his ex. Even though the role as a wife is not acceptable to me but to compare her with his ex which obviously targets a married man such as Wan so that she could have free housing, FREE SEX, free money n even free assistant to help her sell the pills.. Hahaha what a joke!
Why ppl get married in the first place if marriage vows are not taken seriously and when its obvious that there is no intention of settling down yet.
Should at least give consideration on the emotional pain and fustration inflicted on both parties and esp to the children, when both parties are out fooling around.
Parents should be a role model to their child.What will it be like if on one hand you are teaching your children about moral values, while on the other, you are doing the exact opposite...
Upset lah wif this kind of ppl.. when i see his daughter face, i felt so guilty n pitied her for having such parents. I hope they both had changed for the better with a better partners to guide them... Amin.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
I pray that i will be a beautiful successful woman one day with a caring & loving husband and a happy family of her own...
Can do some charity works, donations, holidays... n everthg that i can ever dream of... Like Angelina Jolie...
To have a fulfilling life in such a short life of a human being...
To enjoy life as it is..
To take each day as it is...
That's basically what i wish for the future...
Can do some charity works, donations, holidays... n everthg that i can ever dream of... Like Angelina Jolie...
To have a fulfilling life in such a short life of a human being...
To enjoy life as it is..
To take each day as it is...
That's basically what i wish for the future...
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I came across this blog entry at anakmelayu today:
"If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she couldn't take it anymore...
If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of your life; if you let her go, she couldn't go back to being herself anymore... (VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, Except in front of the person who she love the most, she becomes weak.. (VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, only when she loves you the most, she put down her ego. Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you please hold her hands firmly, she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please dont give her up, maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life. When she cry rite in front of you, when she cry bcoz of you, Look into her eyes, Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?
Think... . Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity, Infront of you, And bcoz of you? She cry not because she is weak, She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity, She cry, Because crying silently is no longer possible, the pain, hurt, n agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside..."
It makes me think of an incident ard March 2006 when i was still a very stupid & silly girl so blindly in love and that's the only time that I've ever cried in front of a guy (So badly pulak tu..).
At that time.. We are on the verge of a breaking up and i dunno why i was so very very sad and i cannot even slept the night before when he told me he wanna broke up with me and the tears really cannot stop from falling.. After that, every single day i juz continue wif my life.. N i dun even feel like meeting/kenal2 wif other guys.
It juz feels weird when guys wanna get to know you and u r still hung up over one particular guy. Am i crazy or wat?
A week later, he suddenly said that he wanna meet up wif me and to finish some unsettle business.. Suddenly, when we meet up, it felt strange as if we r some kind of strangers.. I dun really know what to talk to him n what to expect...
But out of sudden, he hug me and starts to kiss me at his fav spot and we r sitting at our fav spot and it juz seems so familiar n i starts thinking that hw am i gonna live without him.. n i really felt like crying when he said that he really missed me a lot this 1 wk.. I was so happy n so sad at that time that the tears start flowing a little by little and when he noticed that his shoulders r wet and he asked me whether i'm crying or not...
I was so embarassed n tried to cover but i failed terribly and started to cried uncontrollably like a baby!!!
I was really so overwhelmed by emotions coz I really do love him a lot at that time.
And i really can't imagine myself being with somebody else... So we patch up...
But its no use coz less that two months later we broke up completely and i was me who give him the FINAL ans.
When i give him the final sms, i didn't feel anythg coz i really thot that he's gonna explains himself.. but turns up that he's so cruel and the reality starts to sink in later at nyte when i realised that he's really gonna break up.
I cried myself to sleep and all the days after.. I was suffering for months...
Everytime my friends (guys & gerls) called me and we brought up the topic, i will cry. It was like so bad.. I dunno why he had that effects on me!! Stupid!!
Up until from that moment, until now... I dun think i have ever loved/cried for anybody else as much as i does it for him.
And gradually, dats why i began to hate him so much coz he's making me suffer by making me love him so much.
I must learnt to let go of all these memories n accept the reality that me and him r not meant to be together and there r really someone who loves me a lot too.. More than him?
Pls, pls haseenah... wake up n come back to reality.
"If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she couldn't take it anymore...
If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of your life; if you let her go, she couldn't go back to being herself anymore... (VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, Except in front of the person who she love the most, she becomes weak.. (VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, only when she loves you the most, she put down her ego. Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you please hold her hands firmly, she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please dont give her up, maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life. When she cry rite in front of you, when she cry bcoz of you, Look into her eyes, Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?
Think... . Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity, Infront of you, And bcoz of you? She cry not because she is weak, She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity, She cry, Because crying silently is no longer possible, the pain, hurt, n agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside..."
It makes me think of an incident ard March 2006 when i was still a very stupid & silly girl so blindly in love and that's the only time that I've ever cried in front of a guy (So badly pulak tu..).
At that time.. We are on the verge of a breaking up and i dunno why i was so very very sad and i cannot even slept the night before when he told me he wanna broke up with me and the tears really cannot stop from falling.. After that, every single day i juz continue wif my life.. N i dun even feel like meeting/kenal2 wif other guys.
It juz feels weird when guys wanna get to know you and u r still hung up over one particular guy. Am i crazy or wat?
A week later, he suddenly said that he wanna meet up wif me and to finish some unsettle business.. Suddenly, when we meet up, it felt strange as if we r some kind of strangers.. I dun really know what to talk to him n what to expect...
But out of sudden, he hug me and starts to kiss me at his fav spot and we r sitting at our fav spot and it juz seems so familiar n i starts thinking that hw am i gonna live without him.. n i really felt like crying when he said that he really missed me a lot this 1 wk.. I was so happy n so sad at that time that the tears start flowing a little by little and when he noticed that his shoulders r wet and he asked me whether i'm crying or not...
I was so embarassed n tried to cover but i failed terribly and started to cried uncontrollably like a baby!!!
I was really so overwhelmed by emotions coz I really do love him a lot at that time.
And i really can't imagine myself being with somebody else... So we patch up...
But its no use coz less that two months later we broke up completely and i was me who give him the FINAL ans.
When i give him the final sms, i didn't feel anythg coz i really thot that he's gonna explains himself.. but turns up that he's so cruel and the reality starts to sink in later at nyte when i realised that he's really gonna break up.
I cried myself to sleep and all the days after.. I was suffering for months...
Everytime my friends (guys & gerls) called me and we brought up the topic, i will cry. It was like so bad.. I dunno why he had that effects on me!! Stupid!!
Up until from that moment, until now... I dun think i have ever loved/cried for anybody else as much as i does it for him.
And gradually, dats why i began to hate him so much coz he's making me suffer by making me love him so much.
I must learnt to let go of all these memories n accept the reality that me and him r not meant to be together and there r really someone who loves me a lot too.. More than him?
Pls, pls haseenah... wake up n come back to reality.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I'm so happy that i got my first bonus... N i will try hard not to spend it in one shot...
I'm still thinking whether i should just save it for my marriage, take up a driving license, do my braces or just shop a lot?
Hmm... must think carefully... I wanted to do braces but seems like very painful like that...
But they say that it can make the face/jawline more sharper leh...
Maybe i could try losing some weight first and see how.. but still having a nice teeth beats all...
Yeah.. i'm a very vain gerl & a perfectionist.. so i want everythg nice in life...
But still, i won't forget the poor & unfortunate..
I'm still thinking whether i should just save it for my marriage, take up a driving license, do my braces or just shop a lot?
Hmm... must think carefully... I wanted to do braces but seems like very painful like that...
But they say that it can make the face/jawline more sharper leh...
Maybe i could try losing some weight first and see how.. but still having a nice teeth beats all...
Yeah.. i'm a very vain gerl & a perfectionist.. so i want everythg nice in life...
But still, i won't forget the poor & unfortunate..
Virginity:
Saving oneself for one's husband is considered one of the most traditional values in the olden days and i believe this still holds today, especially more so when promiscuity is so rampant and ONS and numerous sex partners is common.
In fact, i feel that being virgin is a strong belief that one have to holds to, when most ppl around are non-Vs.
Choosing to give up one's virginity is a major turning point of a girl's life hence it does tell a lot about the girl and for a guy who they are marrying to.
Coz a virginity is something special, a gift you bequeath upon someone special whom you decide worthy.
Saving oneself for one's husband is considered one of the most traditional values in the olden days and i believe this still holds today, especially more so when promiscuity is so rampant and ONS and numerous sex partners is common.
In fact, i feel that being virgin is a strong belief that one have to holds to, when most ppl around are non-Vs.
Choosing to give up one's virginity is a major turning point of a girl's life hence it does tell a lot about the girl and for a guy who they are marrying to.
Coz a virginity is something special, a gift you bequeath upon someone special whom you decide worthy.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I've learnt that sometimes in life... you have to be contented with what you have and not dwell on the past for a person's mistake.
Yeah i have to admit that I cannot accept his past.
But I must learnt to forget and be thankful that I found someone who loves me so very much amidst all his past mistakes...
I just hope that he won't repeat the same things and treasure his life more rather than leave it wasted doing wasted thgs...
Maybe It's God wishes for him to meet me.. someone so diff yet similar in some ways. As long as we can live happily ever after... I can learnt to love him more day by day... Amin...
Yeah i have to admit that I cannot accept his past.
But I must learnt to forget and be thankful that I found someone who loves me so very much amidst all his past mistakes...
I just hope that he won't repeat the same things and treasure his life more rather than leave it wasted doing wasted thgs...
Maybe It's God wishes for him to meet me.. someone so diff yet similar in some ways. As long as we can live happily ever after... I can learnt to love him more day by day... Amin...
Monday, March 10, 2008
Monday, 10/03/2008:
I feel really bad that i think so badly of him & accuse him of taking the pills... I feel bad that i am feeling this way... Whereas, i know that he's an emotionally unstable person... N we always argue abt the pill nowadays...
But, i really can't help it... Coz whenever something like this happens, i can't help but feel that why am i the one who have to pick up the pieces of his past?
Yeah lah... coz when he already had his fun with all the girls (his exs) or the other way round, i'm the one who have to bear all these consequences.
Plus, i kept on thinking on why do i have to lead the way that he is used to (like going to the hotel)... N when they (his exs) all had their fun n leave him with no money n debts (his exs & ex wife), i am still the only one girl who sticks with him despite him having absolutely nothing in his life?
But i know that he's trying really hard for me... I know that he's working so hard for me too... N i know that he loves me.
Am i stupid or what to stick by him? No? Or... Maybe coz i pity him so much? Or.. Maybe coz i did love him? I dun really know the answer....
I kept on thinking... All the money that was spend when he go to the hotels in the past(which is a lot), i think will be enough for my hantaran sey... :(
So now, whenever i'm facing somethg like this... I assure myself that God has written the fates for me to meet him so that i can help him and set his life straight...
Maybe true love is all abt making sacrifices ryte? So i have to sacrifice my whole life for him.
But, sometimes i feel that i'm not strong enough and ppl will always want a husband who can guide & cares for them ryte? Not the other way round.....
Now i have to pity myself before i pity him. But still i won't give up and will live my life to the fullest and hoping that i can achieve something in my life.
THE END.
I feel really bad that i think so badly of him & accuse him of taking the pills... I feel bad that i am feeling this way... Whereas, i know that he's an emotionally unstable person... N we always argue abt the pill nowadays...
But, i really can't help it... Coz whenever something like this happens, i can't help but feel that why am i the one who have to pick up the pieces of his past?
Yeah lah... coz when he already had his fun with all the girls (his exs) or the other way round, i'm the one who have to bear all these consequences.
Plus, i kept on thinking on why do i have to lead the way that he is used to (like going to the hotel)... N when they (his exs) all had their fun n leave him with no money n debts (his exs & ex wife), i am still the only one girl who sticks with him despite him having absolutely nothing in his life?
But i know that he's trying really hard for me... I know that he's working so hard for me too... N i know that he loves me.
Am i stupid or what to stick by him? No? Or... Maybe coz i pity him so much? Or.. Maybe coz i did love him? I dun really know the answer....
I kept on thinking... All the money that was spend when he go to the hotels in the past(which is a lot), i think will be enough for my hantaran sey... :(
So now, whenever i'm facing somethg like this... I assure myself that God has written the fates for me to meet him so that i can help him and set his life straight...
Maybe true love is all abt making sacrifices ryte? So i have to sacrifice my whole life for him.
But, sometimes i feel that i'm not strong enough and ppl will always want a husband who can guide & cares for them ryte? Not the other way round.....
Now i have to pity myself before i pity him. But still i won't give up and will live my life to the fullest and hoping that i can achieve something in my life.
THE END.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Closed off from LOVE...
I didn't need the pain...
Once or twice was enough... And it was all in vain...
Time starts to pass...
Before you know it, you're frozen...
But something happened... For the very first time with you...
My heart melts into the ground...
Found something true...
And everyone's looking around...
Thinking that I'm going crazy...
But I don't care what they say...
I'm in LOVE with you... They try to pull me away...
But they don't know the truth...
My heart's crippled by the vein...
That i keep on closing... You cut me open and I......
Keep bleding.. Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
I keep bleeding.. I keep, keep, bleeding LOVE...
Keep bleeding... Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
You cut me open...
Trying hard not to hear.. But they talk so loud...
Their piercing sounds fill my ears...
Try to fill me with doubt... Yet i know that the goal...
Is to keep me from falling...
But nothing's greater... Than the rush that comes with your embrace...
And in this world of loneliness...
I see your face.. Yet everyone around me...
Thinks that i'm going crazy... Maybe, maybe...
But I don't care what they say... I'm in LOVE with you...
They try to pull me away... but they don't know the truth...
My heart's crippled by the vein... That I keep on closing...
You cut me open and I....
Keep bleeding.. Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
I keep bleeding... I keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
And it's draining all of me...
Oh, they find it hard to believe...
I'll be wearing these scars... For everyone to see...
I didn't need the pain...
Once or twice was enough... And it was all in vain...
Time starts to pass...
Before you know it, you're frozen...
But something happened... For the very first time with you...
My heart melts into the ground...
Found something true...
And everyone's looking around...
Thinking that I'm going crazy...
But I don't care what they say...
I'm in LOVE with you... They try to pull me away...
But they don't know the truth...
My heart's crippled by the vein...
That i keep on closing... You cut me open and I......
Keep bleding.. Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
I keep bleeding.. I keep, keep, bleeding LOVE...
Keep bleeding... Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
You cut me open...
Trying hard not to hear.. But they talk so loud...
Their piercing sounds fill my ears...
Try to fill me with doubt... Yet i know that the goal...
Is to keep me from falling...
But nothing's greater... Than the rush that comes with your embrace...
And in this world of loneliness...
I see your face.. Yet everyone around me...
Thinks that i'm going crazy... Maybe, maybe...
But I don't care what they say... I'm in LOVE with you...
They try to pull me away... but they don't know the truth...
My heart's crippled by the vein... That I keep on closing...
You cut me open and I....
Keep bleeding.. Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
I keep bleeding... I keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
And it's draining all of me...
Oh, they find it hard to believe...
I'll be wearing these scars... For everyone to see...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY:
What makes people happy?
1) Having purpose - which means doing something in your life that has meaning for you.
2) Having hope - which means you have something to look forward to.
Even if your current circumstances are difficult, if you have hope that your effort will be rewarded and that thgs will improve, you can find happiness.
Happy ppl accept themselves as they are, so they can have a peace of mind.
And last but not least... Having someone to love...
"Happy people make a decision to be happy in spite of their problems..." :)
What makes people happy?
1) Having purpose - which means doing something in your life that has meaning for you.
2) Having hope - which means you have something to look forward to.
Even if your current circumstances are difficult, if you have hope that your effort will be rewarded and that thgs will improve, you can find happiness.
Happy ppl accept themselves as they are, so they can have a peace of mind.
And last but not least... Having someone to love...
"Happy people make a decision to be happy in spite of their problems..." :)
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