The other day... Effendy tegur aku kat msn...
I was kinda shocked actually.. Coz.. i didn't expect him to do that..
Then he said knape aku mcm senyap je lately?
Aku tanya dia hari tu yg pvt no. missed kol tu dia yg kol ke?
He said yupz its him..
Then i said is it me yg senyap or it's him yg layan aku mcm nk taknak even though we've make it very clear that last time both of us have feelings towards each other?
Then dia senyap.
Dia ckp he did that coz he was afraid that we wld have a clash of interest if we ever get together..
What the hell!!
That's a stupid reason lah.. If you really love that person.. U won't hesitate b'coz of a stupid reason like that..
He really reminds me of Hasri.. which makes me more sakit hati..
Then i said that i nvr msg or call him anymore coz i juz got attached..
He said "Ouh, patutlah dah takkol.. hmm.. gd for u lah..."
He said yg dia taknak ganggu aku lage coz takut nanti guy aku marah pulak.. Eleh..
He said one word of advise for me..
Dun ever regret what i've chosen?
I was so pissed off with that sentence that i felt like crying..
So u're doubting my choice of guy?
You are not even fit to give me advise my dear..
I'm glad i've chosen him.. Coz at least i know that he loves me more than you did.
And.. u dun have to be so bitter when u knw that u've lost...
Coz the fact is that at first i dun really have any feelings for Ridzwan but i did have a feeling for you.
And the diff between Ridzwan and you is that, he works hard and makes the effort to win my heart while u, Mr Effendy, just sits ard and wait for a gerl to make the first move?
Haha. Its your lost.

Hmm...
I can't wait to take the Cert for Payroll in January..
I've already submit the application... :)
Its at Singapore Human Resource Institute...
Hope i'm accepted to enrol in the course...
Then i must really work hard to save money.. :)
Hope it will bring me a better future...

Sad & bored...
I kinda missed him a lot!~
Hmpph...

Every day.. I'm getting a little pissed off with my senior..
I dun like this type of person..
Dahlah tkda motivation to upgrade, likes to complaint, dtg lambat, slalu amek leave, kalau ada probs je, sumer org dia nk bilang.. Likes to attract attention..
Haizz...
Almost everythg suroh aku buat..
Then kalau salah, aku pulak yg kene marah...
Unfair kan?
Haizz.. Sabar jelah aku smp aku dpt that cert n kerja yg lage more better.. Hope2 aku boleh tahan.. Amin..

Yesterday.. i was so damn angry with the guys at my workplace..
I meant its okay if u wanna disturb me.. Like a lil sister kan..
But its not okay if u wanna pass sexual comments to me.

And.. I feel like.. Its not damn appropriate to me..
Esp if u're asking for sexual favors... HAiyo!!!!
Do u guys think i'm that cheap??

Hate it!! Benci.. Luckily Ridzwan(my guy) is so understanding... :(
Smlm dah lah strez psl the course then angah call tanya2 psl duit...

Then from morng the guys non-stop came in.. disturb2 me..
That Sarifie guy.. Wow! Stand so close behind me in the copier room and then can ask me some more nak peluk boleh ke tak! Ewww... Abeh.. Nak gula2 yg boleh buat aku keras if he kiss me?? Ewww....
Bobby dahlah 2-3 kali naik atas (pastu nak balik dgn aku plak tu! Uncomfortable tau.. Dahlah dia dah tunang..)

Plus Kamal, Nahar, Mali, Ah cHOy (Eww..), Lionel.. William nasib dia bz smlm kalau tak evry hr nk msk ofis aku.. Azren smlm tk kacau sgt..

Plus the sms from Syaqil (Said alih2 that i owe him a kiss) and a call from that stupid Ridhwan!!! Hate him!!
Got the cheeks to say that aku dah sombong skrg... Duh!!

Dahlah.. Malas nak layan dorg lage!! :(

I just think that.. maybe when u're poor, gullible and clueless..

U'll get look down more often.

I've always known that i can't depend on my family members.

And i don't really understand my aunt.
How much money that she really wants anyway?

I've nvr felt more alone than now.

I think that maybe its better to depend on myself than someone else.
I dunno if i'm being over sensitive again..
But i just felt betrayed & hurt.. Again.. :(

Thursday, 18th of October 2007 --> Nur Haseenah & Ridzwan.

I've finally accepted him.. And i really hope that this new relationship with him will last forever...

Amin.

I've been thinking abt it lately...
And i've come to a solution that...
The only way that i can accept Ridzwan is that for me to let go of my past.

Which is actually NorHasri...
The rest is unimportant coz they dun affect my life as much as he does...

My heart juz ache everytime i saw his pic!

So, i hope i can devote my attention to Ridzwan although he actually has been treating me like a gf all along...

He's always so sweet.. that he almost melts my ice cold heart!

I took this pic last night aft a movie date with Ridzwan..

I think its already my 6th date with him and counting.. Wow!

I've never last for more than 2 dates with any guy.

Usually in that case if its more than 2 dates, then the guys will already be my boyfriend.

But, he and me haven't yet commit to each other.. Well kind of. But i think i like him.

Maybe i've fallen for him.. Hmm.. :)

Juz now... HE juz told me something so unexpected...
He's also a divorcee... Haizz... Why am i always stuck with a divorcee?

But when i think it again, maybe it's juz fated to be...
And.. he asked me again... whether we can be together...
But i am juz too afraid to give him an answer... :(
Is there such a thing as scared to be heartbroken again?

Today.. I'm meeting him yet again? Hmmm.... This definitely means something ryte?
Why am i agreeing to meet him so often if i do not have any feelings for him?
So confusing....

Dear Allah, Berikanlah aku petunjukmu sekali lage..

Mlm raya.. I went to geylang with Ridzwan...

Coz he asks me out yet again... :)

Dahlah mlm sblm tu dah pegi geylang sama2... hehe.. Dia temankan aku buat henna then he carry my bags.. So sweet!!

At first, kita gi metro je... to buy my handbag... Then we bought his clothes... And then baru gi geylang... First time gi geylang masa mlm raya... So pack!

Kat geylang, kitta jumpa radea jap.. tu pon plan mcm tak btol... Tak tau knape mcm mendak sey... Dahlah ramai org.. Abeh radea dah interrogate dia, dia mcm tak comfortable gitu...

Dahlah dia pemalu... So aku hint2 kat radea to juz drop the subject lah...

He is so sweet.. Temankan aku je mana aku nak pergi...

Panas plak tu... Org dah sesak2... tapi tis yr sumer org mcm tkda mood raya gitu.... tak tau knape.. Haizzz...

He's really a nice guy lah.. pergi & balik we took cab... Kesian dia...

Then mlm raya aft kita balik... i think he sound me again... The next morning, he msg me saying "gd morning baby.. Selamat hari raya, maaf zahir & batin.." I'm so touch lah.. coz no guy ever make that effort to even say such a sweet & simple word..

Then we discover that our baju colour really match.. coz we exchange photos afterwards... So sweet... Hehe.. I dunno why i'm happy lah... I dunno if i've fallen in love with Ridzwan...?

Btw, dats my pic on first day of hari raya... And the colour of this font is my baju raya colour.. :)

I dun have his pic to upload... but he looks handsome lah.. esp with his songkok... haha... duh!!

ANUGERAH AIDILFITRI......................

Disana apakah ertinya syawal...
Tangisan & rintihan tiada erti...
Alangkah hibanya di Aidilfitri...
Buminya bagai ambal duri...

Disini... hari ini.. Lebaran yg dinanti...
Sanubari bernyanyi suci murni...
Amalan dirahmati...

Pekerti lahir batin...
Sesuci sebersih lebaran ini...
Bersalam, bermaafan...
Keampunan keberkatan....

Berdendang sehalaman...
Bersaudara berpanjangan...
Yg malang jgn dilupa...
Ku syukurimu Rabbani...

Anugerah Aidilfitri... Indahnya hari ini...

Mari puji memuji kepada tuhan...
Titis kasihnya melimpah seluruh alam...
Mari puji memuji Tuhan yg Esa...
Insafi nikmat diberi di hari raya...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI KEPADA SEMUA... :)

Di sini... Ina ingin mengambil kesempatan ini utk mengucapkan:-

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI.....
MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN KPD SEMUA.....

Esp for..................

Norhasri Bin Yusoff.

Even though once again... we had failed to celebrate this Hari Raya together.
Maybe its juz not fated to be............

Suri Cruise gotta be the most adorable baby that i've seen.. Someday i hope to have a baby as cute as her... :)

Dear god...

Berilah.. aku petunjuk mu..

Kanan & kiri.. Bebas berlari..
Masih ku dihujani tohmah & caci..
Jgn sekali.. Aku diletak ke bawah..
Hanya krn jalan hidup yg susah..

Tak siapa diantara, kita di dunia..
Memilih jln hidup yg derita.. Aku sering dipersenda..
Dan sering dikecewa.. Oleh hati mereka..
Yg tak punya rasa....

Inginku mengecap bahagia..
Padamu kasih yg menjanjikan setia..
Namun belum sempat ku merasa...
Mimpi yg dibina..
Hati mudah berdarah semula...
Kerana dustanya...

The other day i felt like i'm willing to give a guy a chance.

His name is...

Shaizli.

But.. He's missing now.

Well, kind of.

He's in KL for a 2 mths plus business trip and the other day he come back to Singapore for a while.

He msg me once n then when i called the hp is off.

I thot we can at least buka together or somethg..

Well, he did asked me to wait for him.

But i'm not really so sure...

Effendy?

Ermm.... Its kinda hard to say.

I did like him once.

But i think he's a player.

The last time he contact me, he was with another girl.

And such a sugary sweet talker.

The most dangerous type of men.

Now, i'm not so sure... Again.

Haizz... :(

Matters of the heart are often a very complicated thing.

I'm sick & tired of ppl downgrading me and labelling me as a failure all my life.

Duh!!!

Stress!!!

I can't wait to see their faces when i became successful and throw in the money in their face!

Oklah, i know that i'm not so cruel..

But i'm realli2 sick of it. Malas nk dgr lage.

I really hope that one day ppl will take notice of my efforts & hardwork.

My Aims & Plans for the next 5 yrs:-

1) Oct 2007 onwards - Sign up for gym membership at Fitness First
2) Nov 2007-April 2008 - Take up a car license at Bukit Batok Driving Centre
3) By Dec 2007 - Must pass at least 2 financial exams
4) Jan 2008 - Get a new, improved & professional wardrobe.
5) Feb-March 2008 - Get a new job with at least $1,600.00 pay or maybe i can work first as an insurance agent? Will consider that.
6) Go holiday. Must.
7) Latest by Dec 2008 - Get a good & reliable but affordable car/Rent a house
8) Jan 2009 - Set up my own company.
9) Dec 2010 - Get married? Hahahaha... As if!

--> Plus the occassional spas, massages & facials.
Amin.......

This is what i get for WILL YOU GET RICH QUIZ??

Riches Are within Reach

No one's knocking on your door with a multimillion-pound check anytime soon, but, don't worry, you have the potential to live a prosperous life.

Life is what you make of it, which means you can't sit back and hope that wealth will find you. Instead, you have to learn to take advantage of opportunities that come your way, and even work at creating some opportunities yourself.

Whether that means more networking, socialising or education, you need to put in the required effort if you want to reach your goals. You also need to believe in your ability to succeed. So the next time something good happens to you, take note and ask yourself why it happened.

Chances are you did something to create that good fortune. Continue that self-propelling pattern, and that cheque with all the zeros may just land in your bank account one day.

:)

I was shy to make my move
That’s why I cried when you left my world
My life was full of loneliness
Unless I see u walking home
That’s when I started writing letters after letters after letters
It seems my papers running out faster

Gotta be gotta be my everything
You’ve got what I want
Gotta be gotta be my everything
You’ve got what I need
Gotta be gotta be my everything
Tell me what can I do
When I’m really really crazy over you

I’ve never cried like this
The words I wrote for you
I noticed you from far
But all you see is like I don’t give a damn
Boxes piling up
Are you going of
Im telling you its too tough
When I feel I almost had you but....

Part of Lyrics from Sleeq song titled "Almost But".
Such a romantic & sweet song isn't it?

COZ DESPITE EVERYTHING THAT HAD HAPPENED,
YOU ARE STILL REALLY
MY EVERYTHING.............

I just dun understand..
Y do u keep viewing my profile?
Does that shows u miss me or just trying to irritates me?
Or ur own guilt is killing u?

I've tried to keep u out of my mind aft i've deleted ur no.
Luckily i didnt store it inside my head..
Or i've probably been msging u again.
N then u will start to act all weird n starts to ignore me.
Which i really hates.

N whenever i can't sleep. I kept thinking abt u.
Thats when i'll start calling random guys.
They must think that i'm a crazy girl.
All guys must think that i'm crazy.
Coz i'm very unpredictable.
Skejap manja, skejap marah, skejap happy, skejap sedih, skejap moody, skejap nak, skejap taknak.

I dun realli understand myself too.
I do want a r'ship but not with the wrong guy.
N since i can't determine which is the right guy,
i would tend to shut myself out from all guys.
Then i will start feeling guilty.
N dats when i will tend to blame him..

But wat makes me sad again was dat...
Its the fasting mth again n Hari Raya is nearing...
I do really hope that i can c'brate Aidilfitri with him this yr..
At that point when we contact back...
But alas...

I can't move on. Coz despite everythg, u are really my everythg.
The few months that i spend with u was probably the happiest moments in all my 21 years...
Which are not a lot btw.
I dunno what to say.
I know that a lot of guys are probably hating me ryte now.
Most of them are probably puzzled with my behavior.
I dunno if i will ever get married later on...

But hopefully if i can start that business, i will definitely work at least 12-16 hrs a day so that not a minute spend will get me thinking abt u.
Even as i'm writing this, my mind is still wandering....

So i guess i'll juz finish it off ryte here...
This is only to let off the burden from my mind.
Not abt reminiscing the past or watever thgs.