ANUGERAH AIDILFITRI......................

Disana apakah ertinya syawal...
Tangisan & rintihan tiada erti...
Alangkah hibanya di Aidilfitri...
Buminya bagai ambal duri...

Disini... hari ini.. Lebaran yg dinanti...
Sanubari bernyanyi suci murni...
Amalan dirahmati...

Pekerti lahir batin...
Sesuci sebersih lebaran ini...
Bersalam, bermaafan...
Keampunan keberkatan....

Berdendang sehalaman...
Bersaudara berpanjangan...
Yg malang jgn dilupa...
Ku syukurimu Rabbani...

Anugerah Aidilfitri... Indahnya hari ini...

Mari puji memuji kepada tuhan...
Titis kasihnya melimpah seluruh alam...
Mari puji memuji Tuhan yg Esa...
Insafi nikmat diberi di hari raya...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI KEPADA SEMUA... :)

Di sini... Ina ingin mengambil kesempatan ini utk mengucapkan:-

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI.....
MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN KPD SEMUA.....

Esp for..................

Norhasri Bin Yusoff.

Even though once again... we had failed to celebrate this Hari Raya together.
Maybe its juz not fated to be............

Suri Cruise gotta be the most adorable baby that i've seen.. Someday i hope to have a baby as cute as her... :)

Dear god...

Berilah.. aku petunjuk mu..

Kanan & kiri.. Bebas berlari..
Masih ku dihujani tohmah & caci..
Jgn sekali.. Aku diletak ke bawah..
Hanya krn jalan hidup yg susah..

Tak siapa diantara, kita di dunia..
Memilih jln hidup yg derita.. Aku sering dipersenda..
Dan sering dikecewa.. Oleh hati mereka..
Yg tak punya rasa....

Inginku mengecap bahagia..
Padamu kasih yg menjanjikan setia..
Namun belum sempat ku merasa...
Mimpi yg dibina..
Hati mudah berdarah semula...
Kerana dustanya...

The other day i felt like i'm willing to give a guy a chance.

His name is...

Shaizli.

But.. He's missing now.

Well, kind of.

He's in KL for a 2 mths plus business trip and the other day he come back to Singapore for a while.

He msg me once n then when i called the hp is off.

I thot we can at least buka together or somethg..

Well, he did asked me to wait for him.

But i'm not really so sure...

Effendy?

Ermm.... Its kinda hard to say.

I did like him once.

But i think he's a player.

The last time he contact me, he was with another girl.

And such a sugary sweet talker.

The most dangerous type of men.

Now, i'm not so sure... Again.

Haizz... :(

Matters of the heart are often a very complicated thing.

I'm sick & tired of ppl downgrading me and labelling me as a failure all my life.

Duh!!!

Stress!!!

I can't wait to see their faces when i became successful and throw in the money in their face!

Oklah, i know that i'm not so cruel..

But i'm realli2 sick of it. Malas nk dgr lage.

I really hope that one day ppl will take notice of my efforts & hardwork.

My Aims & Plans for the next 5 yrs:-

1) Oct 2007 onwards - Sign up for gym membership at Fitness First
2) Nov 2007-April 2008 - Take up a car license at Bukit Batok Driving Centre
3) By Dec 2007 - Must pass at least 2 financial exams
4) Jan 2008 - Get a new, improved & professional wardrobe.
5) Feb-March 2008 - Get a new job with at least $1,600.00 pay or maybe i can work first as an insurance agent? Will consider that.
6) Go holiday. Must.
7) Latest by Dec 2008 - Get a good & reliable but affordable car/Rent a house
8) Jan 2009 - Set up my own company.
9) Dec 2010 - Get married? Hahahaha... As if!

--> Plus the occassional spas, massages & facials.
Amin.......

This is what i get for WILL YOU GET RICH QUIZ??

Riches Are within Reach

No one's knocking on your door with a multimillion-pound check anytime soon, but, don't worry, you have the potential to live a prosperous life.

Life is what you make of it, which means you can't sit back and hope that wealth will find you. Instead, you have to learn to take advantage of opportunities that come your way, and even work at creating some opportunities yourself.

Whether that means more networking, socialising or education, you need to put in the required effort if you want to reach your goals. You also need to believe in your ability to succeed. So the next time something good happens to you, take note and ask yourself why it happened.

Chances are you did something to create that good fortune. Continue that self-propelling pattern, and that cheque with all the zeros may just land in your bank account one day.

:)

I was shy to make my move
That’s why I cried when you left my world
My life was full of loneliness
Unless I see u walking home
That’s when I started writing letters after letters after letters
It seems my papers running out faster

Gotta be gotta be my everything
You’ve got what I want
Gotta be gotta be my everything
You’ve got what I need
Gotta be gotta be my everything
Tell me what can I do
When I’m really really crazy over you

I’ve never cried like this
The words I wrote for you
I noticed you from far
But all you see is like I don’t give a damn
Boxes piling up
Are you going of
Im telling you its too tough
When I feel I almost had you but....

Part of Lyrics from Sleeq song titled "Almost But".
Such a romantic & sweet song isn't it?

COZ DESPITE EVERYTHING THAT HAD HAPPENED,
YOU ARE STILL REALLY
MY EVERYTHING.............

I just dun understand..
Y do u keep viewing my profile?
Does that shows u miss me or just trying to irritates me?
Or ur own guilt is killing u?

I've tried to keep u out of my mind aft i've deleted ur no.
Luckily i didnt store it inside my head..
Or i've probably been msging u again.
N then u will start to act all weird n starts to ignore me.
Which i really hates.

N whenever i can't sleep. I kept thinking abt u.
Thats when i'll start calling random guys.
They must think that i'm a crazy girl.
All guys must think that i'm crazy.
Coz i'm very unpredictable.
Skejap manja, skejap marah, skejap happy, skejap sedih, skejap moody, skejap nak, skejap taknak.

I dun realli understand myself too.
I do want a r'ship but not with the wrong guy.
N since i can't determine which is the right guy,
i would tend to shut myself out from all guys.
Then i will start feeling guilty.
N dats when i will tend to blame him..

But wat makes me sad again was dat...
Its the fasting mth again n Hari Raya is nearing...
I do really hope that i can c'brate Aidilfitri with him this yr..
At that point when we contact back...
But alas...

I can't move on. Coz despite everythg, u are really my everythg.
The few months that i spend with u was probably the happiest moments in all my 21 years...
Which are not a lot btw.
I dunno what to say.
I know that a lot of guys are probably hating me ryte now.
Most of them are probably puzzled with my behavior.
I dunno if i will ever get married later on...

But hopefully if i can start that business, i will definitely work at least 12-16 hrs a day so that not a minute spend will get me thinking abt u.
Even as i'm writing this, my mind is still wandering....

So i guess i'll juz finish it off ryte here...
This is only to let off the burden from my mind.
Not abt reminiscing the past or watever thgs.

The other day... I've got a really fantastic business idea........
I used to dream to open a cafe, n then a wedding catering n then a fine dining mly cuisine restaurant...
But all these requires lots of money....
So i came out with a service type of business...

But its always the same probs abt the minimum capital n there are no one to guide me through it.......

I really2 hope i can make it... If i start this business
My boss is kinda my inspiration.... He used to be normal like me....
But now he's quite rich... With a few companies...
Dat's an excellent motivation..... :)

The only option abt this business is that... I've to really2 make it in the financial advisor line...
Save a few thousands... N then i can launch this business...
But the prob is.. My heart is not into it anymore...
Coz lately there are a lot of reports on it, that i felt scared..
Furthermore, its hard to pass the exam.. it requires a lot of money n lots n lots of efforts!

These few days i can't help thinking abt the mistake.
Damn you ridhwan!
I must erase it quickly or it will affect my life.
Guys are always the same i guess...
No need for me to live in a fairytale world anymore.

Btw... Guess what?
The other day i got to know a guy thru msn...
N he turns out to be someone that i know frm the past...
Effendy!!

I kinda forget abt him.. But i refer back to my old journal/diary, now i understand why it happens...
But its okay.. Its kinda nice to have ur old frenz back...
Esp since u've change so much in these past few years that u've barely know urself...

I dunno if i'll ever get married... But i prefer not to think abt it...
Of course every women dreamt of having a nice home n a loving husband with adorable childrens...
But if it happens that i'm not destined to be all that, aku cuma berserah kpd tuhan...
Yg penting, i must succeed in my life despite all the probs that kept on appearing...

Signing off,
natasha fazlini

Dear God,
Please forgive me for all my sins...
Yesterday was a complete mistake.

Anyway, Ina ucapkan Selamat Berpuasa Kepada Semua umat muslimin........... :)

Semoga this month of Ramadhan yg mulia, akan membawa lebih byk manfaat kpd semua.... Amin.

Yay! I'm so happy that got my first pay raise.. :)
My boss just talk to me just now and it will start towards the end of this month...
Hehe..
Maybe i'll just stay here until end of this year or early next year before moving on to my next job. Happy!!

Last Sun.. It was so hectic in my house.

My damn of brother out of sudden hit my sister and her teeth broke.

Then he hit a drink n caused the drink to spill in my room.

I was so furious that i hit him back n said words that i didn't meant to.

Then my stepmum was juz smilling. Damn her too!

So happy to see my sibling shattered like this.

Then my auntie n uncle come down to check on her.

Luckily, it can be mended.

That's all that i can say. I hope all this nightmare will be over aft i rent an apartment.

Amin.

Aku betol2 tak faham dgn family aku...
In what way am i not a good, unfaithful daughter, granddaughter & niece yg tak mengenang jasa/budi, kacang lupakan kulit?
My ears had enough of hearing all that that rubbish!!

In what way am i so bad that they are completely ashamed of me?
I'm merely doing these coz i felt so betrayed by them..
Those who called themselves my family..
Who pretend to love & care abt me!!!

My dad.. jgn harap.. I stop depending, talking to him much last 11 yrs when he don't give a damn abt me. Don't give a damn abt an innocent child who just lost a mother & doesn't want a stepmother!!!
So he can't really blame anyone except himself that he have a huge burden on his shoulders b'coz of his mistakes & carelessness...
I really pity all my 9 younger siblings... Coz i love them the most.. They are afterall my flesh & blood. And.. They are the innocent party who's the result of ignorant adults!!!

I work hard to earn this money.. and its not as if i dun wanna give them the money. First few mths of my job, i have to pay for the various bills... and all the thgs that i have to buy... which i have been deprived off...
I did gave my grandparents some money the first few mths but i refused to give my dad coz i juz felt that he's the cause of it all.. and yes he did do 50% of his part as a dad.. but not 100%.
So i dont think that i should be the 100% loyal daughter. Furthermore its better that i gave the money to my siblings or give them a treat. He has deprived us enough of money.. being so damn stingy & all.
But of course ventually one day, i will give him money but definitely not now.
Itu pon everytime slalu nak sindir2 aku duduk pat umah dia tak bayar.
Even though i hardly touch the thgs n food n watever except for the bed & the room and electricity & water.

Then from aug last yr to this yr march when i stayed at my auntie place, my own auntie which i thought i could depend on.. Start demanding money from me... Although she did it so subtle-ly.. she did talk to everyone behind my back.. which is just so wrong and it did really hurts me a lot... Coz i felt like no one can be trusted anymore. But my grandparents nvr understands that.
EVERYTHG as what it seems are all my FAULT. Not THEM.

Then last june, my auntie (which is my uncle's wife) is even more worst.. Always targetting for ppl mistakes. I have been living in that house for 11 yrs and she, who juz came into my life, was like so damn arrogant!! Thinking that it's her house n such that i'm not allowed to do anythg to it. Kept checking the house & pointing out my mistakes as if she's the perfect one!!! And it all happen b'coz she knows my uncle is in Dubai and she acts like a mistress. She even asks her maid to spy me. Duh! What a lowly creature.

I still remember her words clearly. (With a snobbish, arrogant tone!)
"YOU LISTEN TO ME. THIS IS MY HOUSE. NOT YOUR GRANDPARENT'S HOUSE. SO YOU MUST FOLLOW WHATEVER I SAY IF YOU WANNA STAY IN THIS HOUSE. AND DON'T YOU DARE TO COMPLAINT TO YOUR GRANDPARENTS THAT I SAY THESE THG TO YOU."

At that point of time.. my hatred towards her was to the maximum.

I swear that i won't even touch my feet into that house again if its not for my grandparents. And they really enjoyed gossiping behind my back. She's not even that perfect. Masa baru2 kahwin, ppl are talking abt her too. And how can she compared that damn pampered good life of hers to my complicated life of hell???
She doesn't even deserve to advise me apa lage to talk to me in that kind of snobbish tone (that i don't think even Victoria Beckham or Paris Hilton would have ever done)!

She can take that damn house of hers. I would buy mine some day with my own money.... Titik peluh aku sendiri... Thats a promise!
And one thg is for sure... If i have a lots & lots of money, i will surely just throw any amt of money to them... No need for them to talk & called me names again..

Now they are saying that i'm an unfaithful, tak mengenang budi girl coz i didn't visiy my auntie anymore (for the obvious reasons) and i seldom visit my grandparents anymore (for that damn auntie reasons) and they think like i was enjoying my life in my dad's house!

What do they know? When the difficulties and hard times struck? When sometimes that i don't eat, when i feel sick.. Sometimes my grandma did ask me to come over when she cook some fav dishes for me (its really a pity) but i won't go as long as that auntie is there. I am not being a bitch. She is.

My uncle would be so dissapointed if he knows abt it.

I can't even imagine what this year Hari Raya would be like... :(

Don't get me wrong, i really love my grandparents but sometimes their thinking is too old-fashioned and they don't really think that ADULTS do make mistakes too.

I don't know what they are fussing abt since its not like i spend lavishly. Its just that its a matter of bad luck & unlucky-ness of my 21 years of life... Coz afterall, i'm not born with a silver (or gold!) spoon in my mouth.

That is why sometimes i juz dont understand why some ppl got so much to complaint abt their life when theirs is not that bad at all.
Diff between & them, i dont ever complaint to my friends that i have such a sucks life. Coz i try to stay positive all the time but some of them are complaining abt their lives as if its the end of the world!!! Its hard to take it sometimes.. Coz when ur life is already full of shit, why do u still wanna surround urself with more negative thgs ryte? But alas.. what to do.. a friend is still a friend.

"I just felt that there are so many thgs that i've been deprived off since i was a kid.. the love, the unsufficient money, cannot overnite, cannot go out, cannot wear this and that, yeah i agree that its for my own good.. but its kinda suffocating sometimes.
And when i'm a bit older and started to do thgs my own way.. The kinda life that i wanted to live.. And.. I was accused of being a rebel and kurangajar.. What more can i say??
I just swear that i will work hard to change my life so that ppl won't look down on me anymore. I am a survivor coz life really teaches me how to be strong and to be more determined of a successful life."

*THIS BLOG IS PURELY OF MY PERSONAL LIFE. NOTHING GOT TO DO WITH OTHERS.

Signing off,
Natasha Fazlini

Help!! I really like the new baby pink timepiece (the silver one is also nice...) from
JUICY COUTURE!!!

Very nice leh....... Hopefully somebody will buy it for me.. Lolz!!!

Hmm... i'm really worried with the thgs that i have to buy every single month... (that i'm overspending!!!)
i dont think that my current pay is sufficient enough... Here are the lists on why every end of the mth, i'm barely left with a single cents...

*Make-ups
*Skincare products
*Facial care products
*Hair products
*Entertainment (movies.. etc)
*Clothes (I've already try to limit it)
*Bags & shoes... etc.
*Occasional facials & spas treatment.
*Plus food (occasional treats like pizza hut & swensens) & transportation (inc. taxis).

I'm thinking how am i ever gonna afford to live comfortably?
How ehk? Through my own efforts or find a rich bf?

Signing off...
Natasha Fazlini

I can read your mind...
and I know your story.
I see what you're going through.
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry..
But I know it will come to you..
Don't surrender 'cause you can win...
In this thing called love..

When you want it the most there's no easy way out...
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt...
Don't give up on your faith.
Love comes to those who believe it...
And that's the way it is...
When you question me for a simple answer...
I don't know what to say, no...
But it's plain to see, if you stick together...
You're gonna find a way, yeah...
So don't surrender 'cause you can win...
In this thing called love...
When you want it the most there's no easy way out...
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt...
Don't give up on your faith...
Love comes to those who believe it...
And that's the way it is...

When life is empty with no tomorrow...
And loneliness starts to call...
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow...
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all...
When you want it the most there's no easy way out...
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt...
Don't give up on your faith...
Love comes to those who believe it...
And that's the way it is...

--> This is a good song... From Celine Dion...

I really hope that on one fine day.........
My prince will come and find me to take me away from all these troubles and pretences in this world.
My whole life has been a pretence...
With no real happiness to begin with.

Now.. I have no more willpower to survive.....
The will just evaporates.. gone like the way i failed that test yesterday.
Coz.. Its hard to survive when you're just a nobody, poor and trying to make somethg out of myself but with no moral supports...
Cannot depends on others.. when you know that with every help that they give, they will always expect somethg in return.

Duh!! When will you ever learnt!

I wanna live a happy & contented life...
Everybody wanna lives a happy life...
But sometimes it juz seems that the choice is really not in our hands.

Signing off,
NATASHA FAZLINI

Today is a really2 bad day for me... :(
Its supposed to be my exam day for my M5.
I'm kinda excited lah coz i hope to passed..
And i got to know that this guy that i know.. pernah amek exam nie dulu..
And he wants to share his notes lah watsoever...
Then he seems kinda nice lah n said he can fetch me from work since my exam kul 7 pm.
And there's no way i can make it on time unless i take a cab which i am actually got no budget at all at the moment.
Alhamdulillah....
In the morng, it all turns out well.. But the prob is during aftnoon he didn't reply my msg and i thot ok.. maybe he was sleeping...
And then smp ptg tak reply another msg.. so i called him...
Dia kata dia nak kuar umah.. Then dats not a reason for him not to call me..
I suspect that he juz woke up actually...
But i juz calm myself.. coz aft that he msg me yg he's on the way...
Then aft that i waited for him mcm tak smp2.. Then i called him many times and he didn't pick up the fone..
And i was at lost... Dunno wat to do.. Then suddenly i was crying at the bus stop..
Coz firstly, my money was not enough to take a cab (which is hard to get in the first place at tuas)..
secondly, if i were to take a bus to boon lay n then withdraw money.. it'll be too late for me to take a cab.. Dats y i'm at lost..
Luckily my colleague who got a lorry, stopped.. And ask me to go inside..
And they took me to Suntec.. But i kept crying all the way...
I juz can't describe the feeling.. coz i was dissapointed that somebody could do this to me.. As this thg is very important to me.. Esp for my future...
I was 25 mins late... Lucky they accept me in... But i was having a headache from all that crying..
And at last i FAILED it!

Sometimes........
I just felt that i miss you a lot......
I do hope that we will be together again.....
But at last, a past is still a past......
Unless if u can turn back the time......

Thanks to you. You've driven me to this state of loneliness & confusion. I can't even describe the feeling.......
No other guy can even match up to the feelings that i had for you.
After you, its hard for me to find a guy.
Coz everytime they touch me, i will think of you.

Sometimes, i still see you in one my dreams....
Sometimes, i dreamt abt you in my sleep....
Sometimes, i still see your illusions whenever i go.....
Sometimes, i still see your smile in my mind....
Sometimes, i would wonder what its like to be your wife......

I don't understand.
My period is finishing.. And i'm still feeling moody and helpless..
and so very the tired!!

I'm so restless.. And i especially really hates this feeling when u are all poor and constantly thinking of when & where to get more money.
Damn.
I didn't manage to save my money again.. :(
And.. he's offering me money again.. Should i take it when i'm so in need of it right now? Even though i know that its not the ryte thg?
Coz i definitely know that money can't buy LOVE.

And i'm so damn hungry too.
Which makes me..
Kept thinking abt him. Think & think & think again.
I wonder where he is now.. what's he is doing n so on...

God pls help me!!!
Let me be a successful person for once in my life... Amin.