I came across some meaningful words today.....

Tak perlu mencari teman secantik BALQIS,
Jika diri tak seindah SULAIMAN,

Mengapa mengharap teman setampan YUSUF,
Jika kasih tak setulus ZULAIKHA,

Tak perlu mencari diri yang seteguh IBRAHIM,
Jika tak sekuat SITI SARAH,

Mengapa didamba teman seistimewa KHADIJAH,
Jika diri tak sesempurna RASULULLAH S.A.W,

“Tak guna Ada MATA kalau tak dapat MELIHAT, Tak guna Ada HATI kalau tak tau MENILAI….. “

Haizz..
Oklah today i cried first time b'coz of him.
It's a stupid matter actually.
And.. i didn't meant to hurt your feelings, honey.
Its juz that maybe i can't think properly at that point of time.
And it felt so helpless without a hp.
Nonetheless, i hope u dun need to force urself to meet me everyday.
Coz sometimes i know that u're tired & need ur rest too.
Plus u also hav ur own life to live.. to go out with ur frenz & family.. So i can't possibly be with you 24/7 ryte?
And.. anyway it feels so weird not to be able to sms or received ur calls..
Haizz..

MARRIAGE?

It is kinda a big word.

AM I READY FOR IT?

That's a big question too.

I can't afford to have a failed marriage.

But he actually assured me that there won't be any such things.

But is just an assurance enough to make the marriage lasts?

Maybe i'm just being extra PARANOID.

But its been on my mind ever since he brought up this topic.

I can understand that he do not wanna wait too long.

But...

Dunno lah.

Get Married?

Or not?

Or maybe we can get married first but don't have children first?

Haizzz......

Haizz....

Monday morning:-

Asal lah hp boleh rosak?

Merana sey... That hp.. It's my life okay..

Without it, nak contact mana2 org pon susah..

My guy, my frenz, my sis, uncle leong yg fetch aku pagi2...

I do not understand this world sometimes...

Why do u wanna bitch behind my back juz because of a $100 increment?

Duh! It makes me so upset.

Guess ppl likes to talk so much.. When they are conscious abt their own selves.

I actually just got to know that my senior wants to delay our pays coz some guys offended her the other day.
And she was pissed off.
Astaghfirullah... :(

See i've told you?
I've long seen her true colours.

*Feeling Stressed*
When he seldom & rarely sleeps.
Sometimes he every few hrs called me when he cannot sleep.
Then i will sometimes wonder, what did he do if he can't sleep?

SO UPSET!!

PERVERT AGAIN.
AT WORK.
NO NEED TO SAY WHO LAH.
JUST WANNA SAY THAT I'M UPSET!

"A heart is a fragile thing. That's why we protect them so vigorously, gives them away so rarely and why it means so much when we do..."

When i turn 21, i have a different perspective in life..
But still, whatever kesusahan aku, ppl can nvr know..
Except for those who are really2 close to me.

Itu pon u can't really expect ppl to understand ur problems 100%.
SO.. conclusion is u will always have to depend on urself only.
Coz u noe urself better than anyone else..
And i'm sure everybody only wants happiness in their life ryte...

Plus after i've reach the age of 21, i have resolved to have only happiness & prosperity for every single day that i live until the day that i'm gone.

*Just enjoy the moments.
*Avoid any conflicts.
*Be happy always.
*Take the day as it is.
*Learn to be happy always.
*Be more forgiving.
*Give them a smile everytime ppl de-motivates u.
*Learn to accomodate diff types of behavior.

I really hope that aft this there won't be anymore sadness in my life except if its unavoidable sadness such as death.

Ever wonder why i nvr wrote much abt my family?
Coz.. dere is really nothing much to write abt. My family is not that close.
Because of my dad.
But whatever happens, i won't let my siblings be separated.
Esp my fav sister, Ummu Aiman.
We, siblings are generally more closer to each other. :)
In future, when we all have our own families,
then maybe we can have gathering more often at each other's hse... :)
That's my dream for my family future..

The other day,
A fren told me indirectly that i usually tend to stead with guys because of their money?
What happens to morals & behaviors?
I'm actually so shocked that she could say that coz deep down inside me, i know that it's not like that.
My ex boyfriends are all not that loaded.
They all don't even own a bike or a car.
I still buy my own things.
I do not ever ask any of my exs or bfs to buy for me things.. or any expensive branded items.
If i ever want it, i could just find myself a SUGAR DADDY ryte?
Or i could just take that Billy footballer guy. I know that he's loaded.
He got an aura of arrogance when he walk & when he flash his credit card when he pays for the dinner that time.

I think she's just jealous coz she has a good for nothing guy who expects her to pay everything.

The other day... Effendy tegur aku kat msn...
I was kinda shocked actually.. Coz.. i didn't expect him to do that..
Then he said knape aku mcm senyap je lately?
Aku tanya dia hari tu yg pvt no. missed kol tu dia yg kol ke?
He said yupz its him..
Then i said is it me yg senyap or it's him yg layan aku mcm nk taknak even though we've make it very clear that last time both of us have feelings towards each other?
Then dia senyap.
Dia ckp he did that coz he was afraid that we wld have a clash of interest if we ever get together..
What the hell!!
That's a stupid reason lah.. If you really love that person.. U won't hesitate b'coz of a stupid reason like that..
He really reminds me of Hasri.. which makes me more sakit hati..
Then i said that i nvr msg or call him anymore coz i juz got attached..
He said "Ouh, patutlah dah takkol.. hmm.. gd for u lah..."
He said yg dia taknak ganggu aku lage coz takut nanti guy aku marah pulak.. Eleh..
He said one word of advise for me..
Dun ever regret what i've chosen?
I was so pissed off with that sentence that i felt like crying..
So u're doubting my choice of guy?
You are not even fit to give me advise my dear..
I'm glad i've chosen him.. Coz at least i know that he loves me more than you did.
And.. u dun have to be so bitter when u knw that u've lost...
Coz the fact is that at first i dun really have any feelings for Ridzwan but i did have a feeling for you.
And the diff between Ridzwan and you is that, he works hard and makes the effort to win my heart while u, Mr Effendy, just sits ard and wait for a gerl to make the first move?
Haha. Its your lost.

Hmm...
I can't wait to take the Cert for Payroll in January..
I've already submit the application... :)
Its at Singapore Human Resource Institute...
Hope i'm accepted to enrol in the course...
Then i must really work hard to save money.. :)
Hope it will bring me a better future...

Sad & bored...
I kinda missed him a lot!~
Hmpph...

Every day.. I'm getting a little pissed off with my senior..
I dun like this type of person..
Dahlah tkda motivation to upgrade, likes to complaint, dtg lambat, slalu amek leave, kalau ada probs je, sumer org dia nk bilang.. Likes to attract attention..
Haizz...
Almost everythg suroh aku buat..
Then kalau salah, aku pulak yg kene marah...
Unfair kan?
Haizz.. Sabar jelah aku smp aku dpt that cert n kerja yg lage more better.. Hope2 aku boleh tahan.. Amin..

Yesterday.. i was so damn angry with the guys at my workplace..
I meant its okay if u wanna disturb me.. Like a lil sister kan..
But its not okay if u wanna pass sexual comments to me.

And.. I feel like.. Its not damn appropriate to me..
Esp if u're asking for sexual favors... HAiyo!!!!
Do u guys think i'm that cheap??

Hate it!! Benci.. Luckily Ridzwan(my guy) is so understanding... :(
Smlm dah lah strez psl the course then angah call tanya2 psl duit...

Then from morng the guys non-stop came in.. disturb2 me..
That Sarifie guy.. Wow! Stand so close behind me in the copier room and then can ask me some more nak peluk boleh ke tak! Ewww... Abeh.. Nak gula2 yg boleh buat aku keras if he kiss me?? Ewww....
Bobby dahlah 2-3 kali naik atas (pastu nak balik dgn aku plak tu! Uncomfortable tau.. Dahlah dia dah tunang..)

Plus Kamal, Nahar, Mali, Ah cHOy (Eww..), Lionel.. William nasib dia bz smlm kalau tak evry hr nk msk ofis aku.. Azren smlm tk kacau sgt..

Plus the sms from Syaqil (Said alih2 that i owe him a kiss) and a call from that stupid Ridhwan!!! Hate him!!
Got the cheeks to say that aku dah sombong skrg... Duh!!

Dahlah.. Malas nak layan dorg lage!! :(

I just think that.. maybe when u're poor, gullible and clueless..

U'll get look down more often.

I've always known that i can't depend on my family members.

And i don't really understand my aunt.
How much money that she really wants anyway?

I've nvr felt more alone than now.

I think that maybe its better to depend on myself than someone else.
I dunno if i'm being over sensitive again..
But i just felt betrayed & hurt.. Again.. :(

Thursday, 18th of October 2007 --> Nur Haseenah & Ridzwan.

I've finally accepted him.. And i really hope that this new relationship with him will last forever...

Amin.

I've been thinking abt it lately...
And i've come to a solution that...
The only way that i can accept Ridzwan is that for me to let go of my past.

Which is actually NorHasri...
The rest is unimportant coz they dun affect my life as much as he does...

My heart juz ache everytime i saw his pic!

So, i hope i can devote my attention to Ridzwan although he actually has been treating me like a gf all along...

He's always so sweet.. that he almost melts my ice cold heart!