Help!! I really like the new baby pink timepiece (the silver one is also nice...) from
JUICY COUTURE!!!

Very nice leh....... Hopefully somebody will buy it for me.. Lolz!!!

Hmm... i'm really worried with the thgs that i have to buy every single month... (that i'm overspending!!!)
i dont think that my current pay is sufficient enough... Here are the lists on why every end of the mth, i'm barely left with a single cents...

*Make-ups
*Skincare products
*Facial care products
*Hair products
*Entertainment (movies.. etc)
*Clothes (I've already try to limit it)
*Bags & shoes... etc.
*Occasional facials & spas treatment.
*Plus food (occasional treats like pizza hut & swensens) & transportation (inc. taxis).

I'm thinking how am i ever gonna afford to live comfortably?
How ehk? Through my own efforts or find a rich bf?

Signing off...
Natasha Fazlini

I can read your mind...
and I know your story.
I see what you're going through.
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry..
But I know it will come to you..
Don't surrender 'cause you can win...
In this thing called love..

When you want it the most there's no easy way out...
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt...
Don't give up on your faith.
Love comes to those who believe it...
And that's the way it is...
When you question me for a simple answer...
I don't know what to say, no...
But it's plain to see, if you stick together...
You're gonna find a way, yeah...
So don't surrender 'cause you can win...
In this thing called love...
When you want it the most there's no easy way out...
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt...
Don't give up on your faith...
Love comes to those who believe it...
And that's the way it is...

When life is empty with no tomorrow...
And loneliness starts to call...
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow...
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all...
When you want it the most there's no easy way out...
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt...
Don't give up on your faith...
Love comes to those who believe it...
And that's the way it is...

--> This is a good song... From Celine Dion...

I really hope that on one fine day.........
My prince will come and find me to take me away from all these troubles and pretences in this world.
My whole life has been a pretence...
With no real happiness to begin with.

Now.. I have no more willpower to survive.....
The will just evaporates.. gone like the way i failed that test yesterday.
Coz.. Its hard to survive when you're just a nobody, poor and trying to make somethg out of myself but with no moral supports...
Cannot depends on others.. when you know that with every help that they give, they will always expect somethg in return.

Duh!! When will you ever learnt!

I wanna live a happy & contented life...
Everybody wanna lives a happy life...
But sometimes it juz seems that the choice is really not in our hands.

Signing off,
NATASHA FAZLINI

Today is a really2 bad day for me... :(
Its supposed to be my exam day for my M5.
I'm kinda excited lah coz i hope to passed..
And i got to know that this guy that i know.. pernah amek exam nie dulu..
And he wants to share his notes lah watsoever...
Then he seems kinda nice lah n said he can fetch me from work since my exam kul 7 pm.
And there's no way i can make it on time unless i take a cab which i am actually got no budget at all at the moment.
Alhamdulillah....
In the morng, it all turns out well.. But the prob is during aftnoon he didn't reply my msg and i thot ok.. maybe he was sleeping...
And then smp ptg tak reply another msg.. so i called him...
Dia kata dia nak kuar umah.. Then dats not a reason for him not to call me..
I suspect that he juz woke up actually...
But i juz calm myself.. coz aft that he msg me yg he's on the way...
Then aft that i waited for him mcm tak smp2.. Then i called him many times and he didn't pick up the fone..
And i was at lost... Dunno wat to do.. Then suddenly i was crying at the bus stop..
Coz firstly, my money was not enough to take a cab (which is hard to get in the first place at tuas)..
secondly, if i were to take a bus to boon lay n then withdraw money.. it'll be too late for me to take a cab.. Dats y i'm at lost..
Luckily my colleague who got a lorry, stopped.. And ask me to go inside..
And they took me to Suntec.. But i kept crying all the way...
I juz can't describe the feeling.. coz i was dissapointed that somebody could do this to me.. As this thg is very important to me.. Esp for my future...
I was 25 mins late... Lucky they accept me in... But i was having a headache from all that crying..
And at last i FAILED it!

Sometimes........
I just felt that i miss you a lot......
I do hope that we will be together again.....
But at last, a past is still a past......
Unless if u can turn back the time......

Thanks to you. You've driven me to this state of loneliness & confusion. I can't even describe the feeling.......
No other guy can even match up to the feelings that i had for you.
After you, its hard for me to find a guy.
Coz everytime they touch me, i will think of you.

Sometimes, i still see you in one my dreams....
Sometimes, i dreamt abt you in my sleep....
Sometimes, i still see your illusions whenever i go.....
Sometimes, i still see your smile in my mind....
Sometimes, i would wonder what its like to be your wife......

I don't understand.
My period is finishing.. And i'm still feeling moody and helpless..
and so very the tired!!

I'm so restless.. And i especially really hates this feeling when u are all poor and constantly thinking of when & where to get more money.
Damn.
I didn't manage to save my money again.. :(
And.. he's offering me money again.. Should i take it when i'm so in need of it right now? Even though i know that its not the ryte thg?
Coz i definitely know that money can't buy LOVE.

And i'm so damn hungry too.
Which makes me..
Kept thinking abt him. Think & think & think again.
I wonder where he is now.. what's he is doing n so on...

God pls help me!!!
Let me be a successful person for once in my life... Amin.

Yesterday..........
Something disastrous happened.

A guy called me a FUCKING BITCH.
When i did nothing wrong to him..
Except that i said that i am not interested in him.
And not interested in having a relationship.

Apart from the FUCKING BITCH, HE said that i was a LIAR, who's very UNFRIENDLY, LIKES to MANIPULATES GUY and THINKS HIGHLY OF MYSELF.

Then he said that he's not a kid that i could play with..
So fine!! Why doesn't he find another girls then?
Why keep pestering me until i have to ignore him?

DUH!!!
I really had enough of all these crazy GUYS!!

I have my own life to live!!
My own tears to wipe!!
My own dreams to fulfilled!!
And my own destiny to reached!!

15/08/07 --> I'm sick of all the unwanted attentions from guys.

Anyway, now i've been addicted to the "Beautiful Girls" Song!!

Here's the combined lyric from Jojo and Sean:

You're way too beautiful girl...
That's why it'll never work...
You'll have me suicidal, suicidal...
When you say it's over...
Damn all these beautiful girls...
They only wanna do your dirt...
They'll have you suicidal, suicidal...
When they say it's over...

See it started at the park, used to chill aft dark...
Oh, when you took my arm... That's when we fell apart...
Cause we both thought that LOVE last forever...
They say that we're too young...
To get ourselves sprung...
Oh, we didn't care... We made it very clear...
And they also said that we couldn't last forever...

I remember when i was hanging with my friends...
That's when i caught your eyes.. You thought that i was fly...
Then you wished that i would be your baby...
You try to get some game... Asking me girl whats your name...
All that ice upon ya chain... So i asked you the same...
Something tells me that we'll have fun together...

I ain't easy to find.. I'm one of a kind..
Oh when i judge your wine..
I know you're only mine.. Tonight is yours...
Tomorrow is for another guy..

See its very divine.. You're one of a kind..
But you mush up my mind...
You ought to get declined...
Oh Lord, My baby is driving me crazy...

I'm way too cool for ya boy.. Thats why it'll never work...
I'll have you suicidal, suicidal..
When i say it's over...
Damn all these beautiful girls...
We're only gonna do your dirt...
We'll have you suicidal, suicidal...
When i say it's over...

It was back in 99, watching movies all the time...
Oh when i went away.. For doing my first crime...
And i never thought that we're gonna see each other...
You've been calling me.. Leaving messages all week...
Cause your curiousity got your knees weak...
I'm not looking for a man.. So i don't want no confusion...

See it's very divine.. You're one of a kind...
But you mush up my mind...
I know you're only mine...
If you stick around...
Be careful not to fall in love...

You're way too beautiful girl...
That's why it'll never work...
You'll have me suicidal, suicidal...
When you say it's over...
Damn all these beautiful girls...
We're only gonna do your dirt...
We'll have you suicidal, suicidal...
When i say it's over...

Now we are fussing.. And now we are fighting...
Please tell me why... I'm feeling slighted...
And i don't know how to make you better...
You're dating other guys.. You're telling me lies...
Oh i can't believe what i'm seeing with my eyes...
I'm losing my mind.. And i don't think it's clever...

Now a couple of months have past..
Never thought that it would last...
Oh everybody asked.. How ya got a girl like that?
But you should've known..
That nothing lasts forever...
I've mushed up your mind... When i tell you lies..
But boy don't be surprised that i'm seeing other guys...
I'm too young to settle.. And..
You should've known better...

I'm way too cool.. For ya boy..
That's why it'll never work...
I'll have you suicidal, suicidal...
When i say it's over...
Damn all these beautiful girls...
They only wanna do your dirt...
They'll have you suicidal, suicidal...
When they say it's over.................... :)

Around early last week.. there is this one african/french foreign talent footballer wanna get to know me.. (Duh!)
He was asking me for directions when he suddenly asks me my name... And as usual.. he thought that i was not malay..

It won't be so suprising if i were to be in a club or something(which i don't btw) but it was early in the morning while i was on the way to work...
He wanted to have breakfast with me...
But i said i was late.. and he offered to send me to work..
So i said there is no need for that.. and he insist to give me the cab fare.. I was so embarassed to create a scene there so i just took it and when i'm inside the taxi that i realized it's $50!
Then i was thinking should i return it back or not...
And he kept asking for a date.. The other day i've already agreed for a dinner.. Only as a friend...
But, i think he was hoping for something else...
Which i've make it clear that it is not possible between us!
But he did not seem to understands it.
Plus he does not seems to give up!!
Or.. maybe he just won't accept it that a normal girl like me would reject a handsome & rich footballer like him? I would never know....

Plus.. Norhasri (my ex!) ditched me again!
If he is really busy or working overtime, he could just tell me that he won't be meeting me but no, he won't reply my msg or even answer my call that day!
Luckily i did not wait him for too long...
I was super pissed off... and kinda sad & heartbroken too...
Why must he hurt me again & again? :(

HAPPY 42nd BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!!

I REALLY LOVE MY COUNTRY VERY MUCH.............

Now that you're out of my life...
I'm so much better...
You thought that i will be weak without you...
But, i'm stronger...
You thought that i will be broke without you...
But, i'm richer...
You thought that i will be sad without you...
I laugh harder...
You thought that i won't grow without you...
Now, i'm wiser...
You thought that i will be helpless without you...
But, i'm smarter...
You thought that i will be stress without you...
But i'm chilling...
You thought that i won't sell without you...
Sold 9 millions...

I'm a survivor!
I'm not gonna give up...
I'm not gonna stop...
I'm gonna work harder...
I'm a survivor!
I'm gonna make it.
I will survive... Keep on surviving...

You thought that i couldn't breathe without you...
But, i'm in heaven...
You thought that i couldn't see without you...
Perfect vision...
You thought that i couldn't last without you...
But i'm lasting...
You thought that i would die without you...
But i'm living...
Thought that i would self-destruct...
But i'm still here...
You thought that i would fail without you...
But i'm on top...
Even in my years to come...
I'm still gonna be here...

Yesterday he told me that.......
Maybe he's suffering from an illness (brain tumour or sumting).

It's not confirm yet.. But the news makes me sad...... :(
Although i did not tell him that.

Mayb he feels that i did not care for him...
But deep down inside i know that i want him back...
Its only that he's diff person from what i used to know that makes me stop.

I dunno why i felt empty inside nowadays.
Ever since you came back, my life is in a mess...
Deep down inside...............
Even if you...........
Always make mistakes............
Always dissapoints me............
Always breaking my heart.......
Always acts cold towards me....
Had some other gerls outside......
I know that i will always LOVE you................
Yesterday, tomorrow, now & FOREVER......

As of today: Gaji jalan mcm air..
The prob with me is that i'm too generous for my own good!
Kalau nak kluar dgn org yg takda duit je sumer org aku nak blanje!!
Then taxi.. I must stop taking taxis!!!
I've now resorted to leaving my atm card at home..
Haizzz........

MEMORIES OF THE PAST: Ina & Joe --> The Pure Love

Truth is the most important thing yg buat aku terpikat dkat Joe is his character.
Taat pegangan agama.. And pandai berkata2..

I can see that he got a real character for a gd husband.. and eventually i fall for him.

Then i got to know that he's a divorcee.. But i dun really mind... Coz he's actually a very gd husband. Maybe that he & his wife got diff views...

We are planning to get married... N then suddenly he creates the trouble and ignores me.

Reason: He doesn't want me to suffer with him!

I was very hurt... Coz i believe that couples should always stick together no matter how tough it is..

N in the end i could see that he's a weak person afterall...

Definitely not the guy that i thought i fall in love with...

Aft this r'ship, i've decided that this will be my LAST ever break up...

MEMORIES OF THE PAST:

From Sept 2006 until now (Break up on Dec 2006) --> Ina & Zali (The wanderer)

Got to know him through a friend.
At first meeting (he brought his fren!), i don't really quite like him.
But he touched my heart with his sweetness and his voice so i accepted him.
At first i was puzzled by his behavior.. kdg2 contact kdg2 tak..
Alasan? Hp tak top up lah, tido umah kwn lah...
Cuma kdg2 aje kalau i turun wdls (coz that time i was staying with my aunt), then i'll meet him at Takraw Court (where most of our dates are).
Ada plak he did asked for a time off...
Then at last masa bln puasa came out the truth................
Yg he actually dah brape bln tak balik umah since he quarell with his dad n he's also not werkg anymore!!

I dunno what to say.. Coz i can't accept a guy like that.
But after i think it through, i feel like it's wrong to ditch ur bf masa dia susah..
Coz afterall when u make that promise to be in a r'ship, susah senang mesti bersama ryte?
So i preservere........... waiting for him to be someone that i hope he'll be..........
And i did manage to persuade him to went back home for Hari Raya..
Tu pon memerlukan byk kesabaran...
Masa tu i asked him to buka sama2... dia buih..
Left me and his frenz aje...
Jalan raya sama2... dia buih..
Left me and his frenz aje...
Mcm matair with frenz pulak!!

Then it happens that an incident happen and we nearly broke up.. Nasib tak jadi..
N he quarell with his dad again and tak balik lage.. kerja pon blom dpt...
But i did a sacrifice that no person can do.. with the kind of family i had.
But it was kinda fun actually.. coz we feels like family...
Amy. Ina. Shasha. Mako. Zali.
and.... not forgetting... cute little Hanis!
Everywhere we're together... 24/7.
Everyone's happy.
But the question on my mind is smp bila nk mcm gini?
I'm the only one werkg.. n its hard to survive with my pay alone...

Amy did say to me yg best kan kalau me n zali get married n they can live together with us...
Its a gd idea but seeing zali's condition now.. i dun think so lah...

At last aft a few happy weeks, he BROKE UP with me.
Reason being?
He dun wanna trouble me anymore n he asked me to find a better guy than him!
I cried two times. One is on the night that he nearly broke up with me masa tgh mkn at 888 Plaza (using my money!) and second is below charley's blk the next day which i cried so hard.. i think my i almost died of sadness!!
I still remember what his fren told me.. "Ina, ina tak payah nak tunggu2 zali.. Zali 5 atau 10 thn akan dtg tetap sama.. Gaknye semua rc kat s'pore dia dah conquer... You just find someone better than him okay.."

N that night i can't sleep and my body was shivering all over.. I dunno why its worst but i just feel the lost coz me and him plus all his frenz are like family already.. N i feel like i'm losing my family members... which is a very hard and sad thing... I just feel that he's so cruel!

N after the break up, i did give him some time n to come n find me but he didn't until 2 months later when i've change into a completely new person.. n after i got to know some things from his frenz... which makes me very angry... That is why i never accepted him back.. Even though his frenz all say that he always asked abt me 24/7. I know that partly he wants me back it's b'coz of his frenz yg ckp "kau bodoh sak tglkan pompuan sebaik ina".. Haha!

Up until now also he had work n quit two jobs in like 5 months time.. Haizz!! N blom balik2 umah lage.. still lepak...
Guess a leopard nvr changes its spots huh... Hee...

At last dapat jgk gaji... After a long wait...
Thks to all the guys at Showtec Communications who have helped me a lot..
Love you all many2... :)

I really think i've got to back up.. Must not spend so much next time!! Pls keep this in ur damn mind.

When times are bad, and you feel that u've got no one to turn to.. you will know who is ur real friend and who is not. I've hav had two betrayals and not including the ones from my family.. I can't believe it that the person most close to me can do this.. :(

The other day i met with my future Prudential manager.. Mr Martin Ho.. which is a very very nice guy.. Like a counsellor u know.. Almost as nice as Abg Fadoli..

He motivates me a lot during that 2 hrs.. Only 2 hrs u know.. N i felt so motivated!

N he asked me to always be positive and to always surround myself with positive ppl.. In the 2 hrs, he could tell that i have lots of probs n comes from a un-homely home.. I nearly cried!

I really hope that i can succeed in this line. I want to prove it to all that i CAN do it!!
Amin.......

Hmm.. Was so damn tired today.. that i felt asleep almost immediately aft i went back from the kendarat.. Imagine lah.. 3000+ guests!!
Tak sempat cuci make up pon.. :(
So dissapointed today.. :(
Dunno what to say lah.. The food was nice though.

I'll be the one... Ooh oh..
I guess you were lost when I met you..
Still there were tears in your eyes.. So out of trust and I knew..
No more than mysteries and lies.. There you were, wild and free..
Reachin' out like you needed me.. A helping hand to make it right..
I am holding you all through the night..
I'll be the one.. Who will make all your sorrows undone..
I'll be the light.. When you feel like there's nowhere to run..
I'll be the one... To hold you and make sure that you'll be alright'..

Cause my faith is gone.. And I want to take you from darkness to light..
There you were, wild and free..
Reachin' out like you needed me.. A helping hand to make it right..
I am holding you all through the night.. I'll be the one..
Who will make all your sorrows undone.. I'll be the light..
When you feel like there's nowhere to run.. I'll be the one...
To hold you and make sure that you'll be alright..
You need me.. like I need you..
We can share our dreams comin' true..
I can show you what true love means..
Just take my hand, baby please..

--> This is such a romantic song.. If a guy were to sing to her gerl.. :)

You had my heart. And we'll never be world apart.
They be in magazines.
But you'll still be my star.. Baby, cause in the dark.
You can see shiny cars.
And that's when you need me there. With you I'll always share.
Because…

When the sun shines, we'll shine together.
Told you I'll be here forever.
Said I'll always be a friend. Took an oath, Ima stick it out till the end.
Now it's raining more than ever.
Know that we'll still have each other.
You can stand under my umbrella.
You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, ey, ey, ey.
Under my umbrella, ella, ella, ey, ey, ey.......

These funky things. Will never come in between.
You're part of my entity..
If for infinity.
When the world has took its part.
When the world has done its cause.
If the hand is hard.Together we'll mend your heart...

MEMORIES OF THE PAST:

July-Aug 2006 --> Ina & Yanoz (The Caring Guy)

This is not really my guy.. Its just something that developed feelings between us.
He's really a nice & sweet guy.. Always fetching me back home. N he nvr took advantaged of me.. But at last he and me can't be together due to some unspecified reasons.. :)

MEMORIES OF THE PAST:

From Dec 2005 to June 2006 --> Ina & Hasri (The True (Or Fake?) Love)

We know each other from the Internet. Had to say that this is my first real "love" and also the first that i got into a relationship with someone from the internet. But alas sad to say, relationships which are based on lies are usually hard to survive & last long. You'll alwayz be part of the memories.. good or bad.

Known her from Primary School.

Been my best friend for 5 years.

Siti Radhiah and Natasha = FRIENDS FOREVER.

I have a couples of other close frenz but their pics are not uploaded.

1) Maisarah

2) Dewi

3) Farhah

4) Epah

5) Fifi

6) Yaya

7) Sheikhah

8) Dayah

9) Khamelia

Even though we did not communicate alwayz... N some of you are engaged and maried.. I still treasure u guys as my true frenz.... Hope our friendship will last forever.. LOVE U GUYZ!!

I just hate it when ppl makes me sad or angry in the morng.. It seems like almost everyday, HE (my dear ex) is affecting my emotions n moods. :( I dunno why... N it will turns up i will be so emotionally depressed that i tend to resent guys... N this is affecting my personal life.. I hardly had anymore dates nowadays.......

Like today's morning for example.. He asked me what time did i go back yesterday frm work, what time i reached wdls mrt n what time i reached home.. and it turns out that he SAW me at wdls mrt.. N yesterday i coincidently went back with Faizal (Itu pon coz he said he's not meeting me), the technician at my werkplace.. N he just assumes things!!!!! If he's jealous, he can just says so.. Why does he need to accuse me that i've got a bf n everythg?? I never LIE abt all these thgs okay?
Doesn't he knows that i'm actually longing to meet him too? I even cancelled the plan to visit my fren who had an accident just b'coz of him!! N at last, he said that he's meeting his cousin at wdls.. SO what can i say?
It's purely coincidental that i met Faizal at the bus stop n we went back home together!!
Why must he blames me when he himself are hiding SECRETS from me??
Does he thinks that i just imagine the testimonial from the gerl to be there?
N does he thinks that i'm stupid enough not to know that he deleted all the testimonials before approving me? Like Duh!!!

You are such a DISSAPOINTMENT, NORHASRI BIN YUSOFF!!!

MEMORIES OF THE PAST:

May 2005-Dec 2005 --> Ina & Dino (The Monkey Love)

I got to know him ard early March 2005. Through a fren's fren. At that point of time he just came out from (you know where ryte).
Of course my first impression of him is not gd lah.. who wants a guy like that ryte.
But my first impression of him (as in looks) was quite okay lah.. U know this type of guys always have the looks ryte..
But our first meeting is at Causeway Point with my fren and his fren (my fren's fren also). Then he walked me home..
We barely talked coz inside my mind i was thinking.. What the hell do i talk to him? Like i know how to talk to an ex convict?

Thats my first time tau knal2 with a guy like him.. After that he says that he will call me when he's free.
Coz he dun hav a hp.. Then suddenly a few mins later he called. So fast ryte.. He said why i action just now? Mcm taknak layan dia.. He also that i look sweet.. :)
Duh.. Then he said he's staying kat umah nenek dia in wdls 600+.. coz his real hse is at Whampoa. That is the beginning for me and him.. We met a few times. He sound me a total of 3 times from March until 12th of May. I hesitated coz i dunno if i can have a future with him. Then at last, i decide to accept him and give him a chance. Coz he touched my heart by doing sumting.. :)

But on three conditions.. i did asked him to continue studies, find a job n dun fight2 anymore lah.. then he said he will try to do it.. But in the end of course he did not do it.. Which makes me very dissapointed. I decide to end the r'ship ard early september because of an undisclosed reasons and also because he's posessive of me but at the same time i found out that he's been in a romantic contact with a gerl. But we did continue to msg each other and sumtimes he will insist to meet me (like bln puasa).

Later on, its fated that his cousin wanted to get to know me at Pizza Hut Lucky Plaza. I actually didn't know that was his cousin. It was only later on did i know abt it because Dino always talked abt his cousin. He was quite angry abt it. But he can't say anythg because he n me is officially not together. N dats when i get to know that the gerl he's been contacting is also his cousin's ex!! N the gerl yg msg him cozz his cousin alwayz used his hp to msg his then gf.. N yg peliknya.. Dino can layan her some more. Which makes me more angry!!

I decided to call it quits for real when ard Dec he asked me for money (again!) even though i'mnot his gf anymore.. So i asked his cousin to pretend to be my bf. Haha!! He was damn mad.. Coz in his thinking.. i chose his cousin out of all ppl.. just to spite him.. I just knew it. He kept on sending abusive msges to me. But yg peliknya he didn't msg anythg to his cousin. The last straw was when he told me that his cousin got a tattoo at a body part which i dunno of (coz i'm not his gf wat). I know that he's hoping we will fight b'coz of this (coz he knows that i dun really favour tattoo guys!).. Haha..

He can't really win this time lah.. Clever of me ryte?

MEMORIES OF THE PAST:

March 2005 --> Ina & Zul (The Gay)

This one is just someone that i know from Pizza Hut last time.. At first sight, i think he looks normal and kinda cute you see.. We grew closer coz we stay very near to each other so we usually go back together.. when he's not werking also he will fetch me.
Then after we stead, i heard from my colleagues that they were shocked that i stead with him since they said that he were a gay.. Then, i was shocked!! I immediately asked for a break up and he said if i do that, he threatened to kill himself!! What a loser ryte.. At first i thought he was serious.. but when i consult my frenz n sis they all say it was just a way for him to threaten me.. Haha!!
So stupid lah aku nie!!!
I just heck care and terus ignore him. Cuma kdg2 rasa takut je if he stalked me..

I know that he deleted all the messages first before approving me. :(

I can't describe what i'm feeling now.................................................

I'm just feeling so moody that it affects my mood towards others.. :(

The other day i met a very very nice abang..
Abg Fadoli.. He intoduce me to the world of Insurance..
Prudential company.. No. 1 insurance in Singapore..
The prospect is very gd.. Although i still doubt my credibility..
Its kinda funny coz in my 21 yrs of living.. i've nvr ever think of joining an insurance company as a career.. But aft he explains it, i kinda change my mind..
I told him i'm scared that i can't get clients... But he assured me that he n his manager will help me..
As long that i believe in it n have that drive to succeed..
I'm sick and tired of ppl downgrading me anymore lah..
Its purely my choice as wat i do in life to upgrade myself...
So dun ever criticize me or watever i do..
If it is my mistake that i've done, i will gladly admit it.. But if its not,
then i won't ever take the blame..
Should i forever be nice & sweet to people who are not kind to me?
Should i always be blame for everything even though its not my fault?

"Do not let today's dissapointment cast a shadow on tomorrow's dreams!"

With the way that u're treating me.. I do think i have a change of heart alreadi.....
Sumone told me that maybe u're just not sincere enough.......
But, why are we so alike in features and characters?
Why do i feel a LOVE so strong towards you?
Diff from what i feel from the others?
Why do i feel the bond that is so strong.....sumtimes i can feel it in my HEART?
After so long.... I've cried again.. and i just can't sleep thinking of YOU.

I just dun understand why guys always treat me like i'm the scandal, i'm the timer,
i'm the other women, i'm the symbol of lust.......
Is it because of me? The way i acts?
I don't think so.....
Where else i've always yearn for something called LOVE not LUST!

I have to say that i'm very dissapointed in you.

Coz you've lied to me 3 times (n god noes hw many more?).
Coz you nvr show me an effort at all.
Coz you have shown ur symbol of weakness.
Coz i know that u've still got sumting to hide.
Coz you pretended to love me.

There is no need for you to come back just for you to break my heart all over again. You can spare me all the heartaches..
But i have to say that you've teach me a lot in my life.
Which is not to trust a guy ever again.

Tomorrow will be your birthday.. but i have decided not to send you that stupid card that i had made...........
Whatever it is.. Happy Advance Birthday to you. May u be happy alwayz forever.

Miss Natasha Fazlini...

Heartbroken by a few.
Wanted by many.
Taken by none.
Looking at some.
Still waiting for the one...............

18/07/07 --> Today i'm a bit emotional and cranky coz of what i had just known.. but its ok.. Life still goes on.. I sometimes wonder.. why guys cant just concentrate on one? Why wld they say that they like/love you but still gets to know other gerls? Why must they lie to you everytime? Why must they come back and breaks your heart?

Sometimes... God Breaks Our Spirit To Save Our Soul...
Sometimes... He Breaks Our Heart To Make it Whole...
Sometimes... God Send Us Pain So We Could Be Stronger...
Sometimes... He Send Us Failure So That We Could Be Humble...
Sometimes... God Sends Us Illness So That We Can Take Care Of Ourselves Better... Sometimes... He Takes Sumthing From Away From Us So That We Can Learn The Value Of Everything That He Had Given Us..
Everything happens for a reason. Even though life might be hard and the going get toughs for you.. You must still stand proud and face up to the world.

MEMORIES OF THE PAST:

Sept 2005 --> Ina & Ahmad F (The terror)

My 2nd (So called steady).. haha.. Was a disaster.
Pandai sweet talk aje at fone.. But turns out to be the worst ever.

Likes to threaten gerls with his gangster ways and he even involved my innocent mother (which has passed away)!!
Lasted only for a week.. haha!! Not what i called serious.

After that he did call me back at ask for forgiveness (action2 je rupenye!!) and oleh kerana i believed his sweet words (again!), i did knal2 kan him with my bestfren.. N he did the unforgivable with her!!
Worst guy ever..

• Romance is when your partner wakes up before you in the morning and lets you be the one to sleep that extra 5 mins.
• Romance is getting used to good night kisses.
• Romance is when your heart misses a beat as you wait for him to step out from the arrival hall after his trips.
• Romance is when you anxiously wait for his calls everynight like a teenager.
• Romance is sharing with each other about the day over dinner.
• Romance is when he tries to co-ordinate the colour of his shirt with what you're wearing yet vehemently denies it when asked.
• Love is getting your hands and face all greasy as you whip up a feast for him.
• Love is not relying on one person to be the pillar of strength at all times. Instead he is able to find the strength in you.
• Love is being able to see each other's point of view.
• Love is about talking proudly abt him and his achievements to your family and friends.
• Love is when you become chummy with his friends too.
• Love is when he finally understands your fear of animals/insects and be able to spot it and kills it for you.
• Love is resolving every conflicts before going to bed every night.
• Love is when you feel happy that you've finally found the one.. and spending the rest of your life with him.................

:) Nice and sweet ryte?

BIRTHDAY CARD

Since his birthday is this Saturday..

I dunno what to buy for him and since we are not officially get back together..

I have decided to just make for him a card..

So nice and pretty.. But looks a bit childish lah.. Paisey..

Scared if his mum opens the letter.. Then i think i'll just die!!

I wanna scan and put it here.. but unfortunately i dun have a scanner..

Maybe next time k.. Hehe.. I hope he likes it.

MEMORIES OF THE PAST:

From Nov 2003 --> Azmi & Ina (The Trauma)

This is so called my first stead lah.. Even though its a few weeks aje..
He's actually a nice and handsome guy.
Got to know when i'm werking at my first job at CSC Toa Payoh.

First met him ard September but unfortunately its my last day b4 i went on 1 month leave for my exams.
After i got back, i think he was searching for me.. and we chatted again and exchange no.

Then we get into a r'ship.
Reason why we're not together?
He wants us to get engaged by January and get married on December that year.
Haizz.. AND I'm only 17 sia!!

I'm so traumatized that i asked for a break up..
Scared leh coz i'm not ready to be a wife yet. Furthermore its only my first relationship..

MEMORIES OF THE PAST:

From May 2003 --> Ina & Hedeir (The fairytale)

My first love at first sight.
During jalan raya that year with Tamp bdk pondok.
I follow my best fren, Sarah, with her then bf's frenz..

He also said that he also fall in love at first sight with me.

He said he wanna talk to me.. but he was shy..
Then he said he kept looking at me..
But i never look at him.. even once!!

That is b'coz.. i thought that he was the "action" type of guy lah..
Coz i did hear a lotz abt him even b4 i met him..
But i did find him very2 cute!!

Then 2 months later he at last got my no. and picked up the courage to msg me..
From then, began the story..

Why we're not together?
Coz he just said that to Firzhan that "Our pendirian tak sama".
Full stop.

MEMORIES OF THE PAST:

From Sec 1 to Sec 3 --> Ina & Izad (Just a nick coz he looks like Ezad Exist)

My first crush is a guy from Peicai Secondary.
Slalu naik mrt sama2 at 6.20 am at wdls mrt.
Dunno why i like him.. but maybe b'coz he's always so calm and collected.

My friends pernah sanggup wait for him at AMK mrt masa balik skola just to get his no. for me tau (Sanggup sak kwn2 tak btol aku nie.. smp ez link kene deduct coz we wait for almost 1 hour tapi org yg ditunggu tak muncul2..).. Hehe.. Maybe coz they see me like mcm angau tak psl si Izad nie.. Haha!!

Thats all.

Dear me..

To accept him back or not to accept?

I've got 1 week to think about it. :(

I know that deep in my heart.. I do still love him.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever............

12th July 2007: Met you for the first time after a year and 3 months.

Why do you have to come back into my life??

Why do my heart still beats faster when i met u again after more than a year?

Why do my heart still feel the pain?

Why do the tears still fall from my eyes??

I can't barely sleep last night after the meeting.

Coz i was thinking about you.

* Bila u say u nak we get back together, i was quite shocked.. But in reality, you are still the one i love most. Coz after we broke up, all my r'ships after that is not quite the same as what we ever had.

This is getting worst.. almost everyday i will tend to take taxi to work.. Mcm mana lah nak save duit nie!! Tapi it is so very convenient and i will tend not to be late.. Kan best.. cuma part duit jelah yg tak best!! I really really hope i can kick out this bad habit..

I dun mind the travelling but i hate the bus from boon lay mrt..

#1: No aircon.

#2: Too many foreign workers.

#3: Very slow and too many corners.

#4: Makes me dizzy alwayz.

But.. i know it is still not a reason for me to take taxis!!

Please no more taxis from now on...

Tadi sempat ada org nak knal2 with me before i met my ex, Hasri..
I was so blur2 and confused and scared to meet my ex..
When this one guy holding a helmet approached me...
We didn't talk much coz my ex called ckp dah sampai.. but he did take down my no. lah..
Initially he was curious coz he said that i looked confused.
And i was wondering alone at bt gombak.
Whereas he knows that i live in wdls.
His name? Faizal. Duh. Not that name again..

The sweet part? He actually offered to send me home at night even though i said that i've board the taxi n he's all the way from bishan..
When my own ex didn't even bother to... Haizz.. :(
It upsets me so much...

Today i bought the new 5th Harry Potter movie for 9 tickets for Next Tuesday.. So very the kiasu of me hor? But its also good for family bonding too..
But i can't wait to catch it lah.. Will dream of it tonight.. I'm sure of it!! Hehe..
I wonder what it is like to live in a magical world of magics? Mesti best kan..

See the pic? This is my lovely half sister.. Ummu Aiman.. So cute ryte?

Love her to the max!! Now she's 3 yrs old.

Even though my relationship with my dad n stepmom is not that good, i still love all my 10 siblings to pieces. Esp this cute little gerl. :)

Hmm.. another 1 more week to the SIA air stewardess walk in interview.
Thought of trying my luck. Very the nervous.

I've tried to control my eating, cut and wash my hair, scrub, masque and wash my face and body properly, do body stretching exercise..

But,
I still kept on re-thinking my decisions. Tak tau nak pergi ke tak..

The reasons being:

#1: I dun have an 'A' Levels Cert.
#2: Feels like i'm a bit fat.
#3: I have a bit of acne scars at my back & face.
#4: Dun really know how to swims.
#5: Not really that tall.. only ard 1.60.

The reason why i so suddenly wants this job after so many years i kept it in my heart only:

#1: I want to get out of my house asap since my dad already says so.
#2: The pay will allow me to rent a house asap and save for the course that i wanta and also car license.
#3: Wants to make sumting out of my life.
#4: Interest in travelling.
#5: With that kind of pay, i can afford to give my dad, grandparents, siblings.. etc some money every month.

I'll think again abt my decision.. Hope it'll turn out ryte. :)