Friday, 21/12/07, 11.30 pm:

I felt like that i've missed him very much.. but i have to be really strong.
I must see if he failed this test or not.
Only 2 short mths & our r'ship had became the sort of r'ship like a 20 yrs old r'ship.
It has lost its touched & romance and its not getting stronger.
I really can't live a life full of sins,stressed,feeling of unloved,lack of trust..
When i saw him doing all the thgs that he have been doing since the illness, i could just see the traces & imagine what his life had been in the past.
So full of.......... sins & lowly life.
I don't care abt his past. As long as he did not repeat the same mistakes again.
But.. i just felt like...
The sweet & respectable part of him that i fell in love with is gone....................
He kept saying that i can't expect him to be the same all the time.. that his perangai at diff2 places are not the same.. but, ppl dun juz change in a blink of eyes ryte?
Does not even bother to make an effort to call or msg me anymore...
I really hope that i didn't make the wrong choice in life.
For me, marriage is a life long commitment.. and to pick the wrong guy as a husband is as gd as killing myself now.
Maybe you thought that i dun really love you..
But some thgs are just not meant to be said..
Maybe if aft this, we are not meant to be together, i will not find anyone anymore.
Unless if my family finds soeone for me then i will have to accept it.

This will be the last blog that i will write for this year.
Wishing you all a happy new year and i hope that 2008 will brings me so much more happiness rather than sadness.
That's my one & only wish that as long as i live in happiness... everythg that i've experienced, every pain & sadness that i felt will go away.