Apparently today we are nt okay because of the thgs he said to me and aft that the thgs that i said to him...
It was really dissapointing actually...
Mayb I did expect to much from him... Like what he used to be and what he is now, is million times better... But r still nt gd enough for me...
Am i too cruel to him? I knw that he was dissapointed....
He said that his dreams was shattered... i'm sorry abt it...
I didn't meant to say those hurtful thgs...
I guess he's a weak guy afterall... even before I really left him, he had already do trouble for himself.

When you feel your hearts guarded,
And you see the breaks starting,
When the clouds are far departed,
U'll be right here with me,
[Darkchild & Brandy]B rock...Darkchild..
We back..U'll be right here with me[Bridge]Y
ou'll be right here with meoh, oh [x16]You'll be right here with me[Verse 1]

When your life is going to fast,off the train tracks
I can slow it down, ohjust when you think your bout to turn back
'Stead you might crash
I'll be your ground, oh[Chorus]

Oh when you feel your hearts guarded,
And you see the brakes started,
And when the clouds above Departed,
You'll be right here with me,

And when your tears are dry from cryin,
And when the worlds turned silent,
So when the clouds above Departed,
You will be right here with me,Oh oh [Repeat x10]
I will be right here with you...
you'll be right here with me[Repeat][Verse 2]

When your trapped and there's just no key,
And you can't breathe,I breathe for you,
The fire's got you down on both knees,
And the walls are closing in but I will,
Break it through,And when you feel alone,
I'm a be at home,
Whenevers comes and go,
You know I got you,[Chorus]

Oh when you feel your hearts guarded,
And when you see the brakes started,
And when the clouds above Departed,
You'll be right here with me,
(You'll see the sun)
And when your tears are dry from crying, crying,
And when the worlds turned silent...silent,

So when the clouds above Departed,
You will be right here with me,[Bridge]
I will be here right beside you,
Every step you take (yea),
I will be your strength your shelter,
Shield you from the rain.....

he's doing it again!!
if he's nt making me mad... he's making me worried....
why can't he just let me be happy?
what does he wants in life?????
why does he gets nervous when i'm angry with him??
i do love him for god's sake! so pls dun do this to me okay..

I'm extremely sad with Ridzwan ryte now...
I've already known that this r'ship is doom from the start...
Why did i perservere? U cannot change the nature of a person...
So many ppl warn me abt it... N i refuse to listen...
I only saw the surface... I nvr saw the true colours...
The fact is that he nvr changed.

It's nearing 2009... Yippee!!
I'm so happy... It will be a new era for me.
N we r still so in love... Dats a gd sign...
I hope that we'll be together forever...

I will blog later for my resolutions and the 2008 closing.

Meanwhile, I'm on leave today so I will juz enjoy the day with him...

I love my dear coz he bought me the twilight book & the feet spa on the other day when he got his bonus... That's really nice of him...
It was an enjoyable saturday... But.. U knw that whenever he made mistakes, I wld alwayz forgives him... Mayb that I'm too generous... but I can't stay mad at him for too long and that goes the same for him... Although he told me that I rarely made him angry... Haha...
I'm truly a brilliant gerl coz any guys who were with me seldom get mad at me except those who are petty that they can't get me.. Hehe...
In a way, I think that I'm like Bella in Twilight... except that I'm less stubborn... :)

Have you ever loved somebody so much...
It makes you cry... Have you ever needed something so bad...
You can't sleep at night...

Have you ever tried to find the words...
But they don't come out right... Have you ever, have you ever...
Have you ever been in love...
Been in love so bad...
You'd do anything to make them understand...
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away...
You'd give anything to make them feel the same...
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart...
But you don't know what to say...
And you don't know where to start...
Have you ever found the one You've dreamed of all of your life...
Just about anything to look into their eyes...
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to?

I think I've already found him... But I don't wanna make it seem that it's only in the beginning that we feel this way towards each other....
To say that we light up each other's life n to stay forever this way till the end of time....

I love you, Ridzwan Bin Salim.

Dear Diary.

I dunno what's wrong with me....

I got a guy who loves me and is devoted to me.
Why did I ask him to go to another gerl? Crazy or not??
Don't I love him?? What more do I want?
I think I'm just dissapointed when I'm at my lowest and he doesn't care.
Or maybe I'm dissapointed coz he alwayz nvr do everythg that he said.
But still, that's not a reason to be that mean.

I hope God will forgives me for not appreciating what he had given.
I should have treasure my boyfriend instead of pushing him to someone else. Gosh!!

I do really love him. And I realized that it could affect my moods whenever he acts differently. But he's nt entirely at fault. It's just his nature. So I must alwayz forgive him.
I didn't really meant what I said yesterday dear... I swear.

Don't tell me that it doesn't hurts.

It hurts like hell.. I don't deserve it.

At work and at school. Fine, u're the one who dun wanna meet up and discuss.
And you hardly pick up ur calls or reply to sms.
And the at the morning of the last you frantically try to call everyone.
And then you volunteer to edit all.

SO what gives you the rights to use all your points and skip mine?

You didn't even use my diagram for goodness sake. It's my perfectly made diagram!

Do you think it's fair to me? I didn't sleep for the whole night tau...

Luckily lesson is left with two more only. After that I won't be seeing her again.
She still acts so nicely to me... Ouh Gosh!! That's why I thot she is a nice person in the first place.

I think I'm stupid lah...
Why must I believe all his words??
Why did I ever suggest to him that idea anyway..
Coz I already knew that he's nt gonna do it??
Bodoh kan.........................
And then you still continue to be nice to him and give in to him.
Why must I stick with him anyway??
I'm not his property what...
Anyway if he really loves me, he won't do that...
So yeah... I kinda hate him right now.

December.

Is such a blissful month. Coz you know that a brand new year is just around the corner.
And I got many so called "holidays" now. Coz Boss juz came back from 2 wks holiday and his mum passed away.
But money is really, really tight now.
I hate this. Why is it such a torture just to get married??
I'm looking forward to all the holidays and for classes to end.
Getting really tired with work, colleagues, classmates, people.
Onlu looking forward in meeting my dear. No stress at all. Kalau jumpa hari2 pon more better.
Can't wait for 2009.
A YEAR OF HOPE.

These past weeks life had been normal.
Just concentrating on saving money.
For him, Dec is full of hope. He's getting his bonus soon..
For me, I have to wait long. I wanted to go dentist, but I feel like my money is not enough... How?
Even though bwk bekal everyday.. Still I need to survive on watever cash I had........
Still got lots of thgs which is unpaid. Makes me worried everyday... Gosh!!
I must nt spend on unnecessary thgs. :(

It's been so long... that I haven't seen your face...
I'm trying to be strong... But the strength I have is washing away...
It won't be long... before i get you by my side...
And just to hold you, tease you, squeeze you...
Tell you what's been on my mind...

I wanna make up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
I wanna make right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...

Girl I know, mistakes were made between us two...
And we show our true selves that night...
Even said somethings weren't true...
Why'd you go and haven't seen my girl since then why can't it be the way it was?
Cause you were my homie, lover and friend...

I wanna make up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...

I can't lie I miss you much...
Watching everyday that goes by...
I miss you much... Till i get you back, I'm gonna Try...
Yes I miss you much... You are the apple of my eye...
Girl, I miss you much, I miss you much...
I can't lie... I miss you much...
Watching everyday that goes by...
I miss you much... Tell I get you back...
I'm gonna Try...
Yes, I miss you much... Yes you are the apple of my eye...
Girl, I miss you much... I miss you much...

I wanna make up... right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...
I wanna make love right now na na...
I wanna make love right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...

I want you to fly with me want you to fly...
I miss how you lie with me, miss how you lie...
Just wish you could dine with me, wish you could dine with me..
One that would grind with me, One that would grind with me...
I want you to fly with me, want you to fly...
I miss how you lie with me, Ohh miss how you lie...
Just wish you could dine with me, wish you could dine...
One that would grind with me, Ohh One that would grind...

I wanna make up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...

- I can't believe I cried when I saw this videoclip...
I hope that wherever you are right now, you will think of me this way..
I wanted you to realize that what you did is very painful for me.
I hope that you realized, when you had everything now,
What could you possibly desire anymore?
Only the one that you love most.

Boring lah... sia2 je aku amek half day hari tu.

Aku dah agak dah.. mesti it does not went well. Failure again.

Tapi, aku tknak lepaskan peluang nie coz it's an organization yg aku suka...
Dun tell me I have to be stuck at Showtec? Oh no!!

Bodoh lah. Dah waste aku nya leave.. nasib dat day dpt jumpa my dear.

Now lage a few wks to the new year... 2009.

So many thgs to do, assignments to finish, so many thgs to think of.....

I really hope that Wan and me could last till our wedding and we could become as husband and wife.
Cuma masalahnya... dia nie susah nk kumpul duit? Then bila susah nk kumpul duit, susah pulak nk ckp dgn his parents... So mcm mana tu ada gini nya probs?

Hopefully 2009 everythg will goes well... Amin...

I feel happy everyday that I got someone who loves me very much by my side...
Thanks to him.. I think it really made my life more meaningful...
At least we could support each other in this life.

But I am unhappy everyday because of the job environment...

I really wish for a change of job soon... But the economy is really bad.
And what do I have as an advantage against others??

Ouh my God.. I really dun wanna be stuck with this bunch of ppl.
Thank you God for giving me a job but I really wish for a new and better job soon.

Amin.

Bila ehk nak jadi somebody who's respected?
N not to worry anymore?
You have to earn the respect what...

Bila hidup aku nk jadi lain? Hopefully after marriage lah..
And hope my life will becomes better and not worst.

*Now on enjoy mood coz boss in on holiday! Yay!*
*I wanna do braces!!!*

Kadang2 aku pelik lah dgn diri aku...
Apa lage rahsia Wan yg aku nk korek2 nie?
Apa lage benda buruk yg aku expect nk terkeluar?
Smp kdg2 ntah kat mana2 aku alih2 search kan nama dia...
In hope for what?
For more dirty secrets?
Then what?
I could safely asks for a break up?
Even though it's really in front of my eyes dat i'm the one who's doing the bad thgs in dis r'ship? Is it because I dun feel secure wif him?
So is it my fault or his?

Aku pon tk tau apa yg aku nak nie sebenarnya?
I'm lucky enough to hav a guy who loves me wholeheartedly.
Point blank ckp, he really loves me. The whole world could see dat.
N he won't ever, ever leave me... ever.
So I could live happily ever after n no divorce.
So.. apa lage yg aku nak? Apa lage yg aku tk happy psl dia?
Apa lage yg aku carik?
Lelaki mcm mana yg aku nak?
Jodoh apa yg aku really hope kan dtg?
Org mana yg aku still waiting?

Kalau tk happy, asal aku gi accept dia?
Asal aku memandai ckp aku leh accept duda anak satu?
Apa yg aku nampak in him dat time?
Then.. is it dat i'm lying to myself n to him?
Do I really love him?
Could I bear dissapoint somebody who loves me?
Does he deserves all these after what he's gone thru?
Do I deserve all these after wat I've gone thru?

From young... Or teenagers I had alwayz known that I'm special.
I'm got a different set of thinking from others.
I've alwayz wanted a different kind of life, a different kind of dreams, somthing that is untouchable but I still tried to reach it.

I wanted to touch ppl lives, do something meaningful, not the kind of way normal ppl live their life. But alas, I've got a normal family so I guess it's kind of unreachable and wan's family is also kind of the same with my family so I guess my life would kinda be the same. Unless, if Wan's agree to make some changes in his life with me.

That'll be great isn't it? Hehehe....

I just hope that I will have a happy & meaningful life.
And even though others doesn't believe in me, I will still strive very hard to achieve what I dreamt of.

Last wk had been a bad week... Alwayz crying when I talk to him.
Dunno wats wrong wif me.. Juz felt so dissapointed wif him. Even salah kecik pon boleh jadi besar?? Knape sey.. Susah lah... Rindu mmg tetap rindu especially klau dh tk jumpa for a long long time... Haizz?? Ntahlah...

People alwayz think that I dream too much.
But dere's nothing wrong in dreaming ryte??

Anyway who said that a dream could not become reality??
Who told you that dreams should alwayz be a dream.

I've alwayz seek inspirations from ppl who are successful with their own efforts.
N I inspire to be like them some day.

I hate it when ppl doesn't believe in me. Its the same as my dad, nenek and all the others.