I will not make the same mistakes that you did.........
I will not let myself Cause my heart so much misery..........
I will not break the way you did,You fell so hard..........
I've learned the hard way.........
To never let it get that far.....

Because of you... I never stray too far from the sidewalk.....
Because of you... I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt...
Because of you... I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me...
Because of you... I am afraid......................

I lose my way...
And it's not too long before you point it out....
I cannot cry....
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes....
I'm forced to fake.. A smile, a laugh everyday of my life....
My heart can't possibly break....
When it wasn't even whole to start with....

Because of you...
I never stray too far from the sidewalk....
Because of you...
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt...
Because of you... I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me...
Because of you... I am afraid...

I watched you die.. I heard you cry every night in your sleep...
I was so young... You should have known better than to lean on me...
You never thought of anyone else... You just saw your pain...
And now I cry in the middle of the night...
For the same damn thing....

Because of you... I never stray too far from the sidewalk.....
Because of you... I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.
Because of you... I try my hardest just to forget everything.
Because of you... I don't know how to let anyone else in...
Because of you... I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty.
Because of you... I am afraid....
Because of you..........................

Its hard for me to write down my feeling now...
Coz i've got so much to say...
I'm thinking of where does all these problems arises?

The answer:
N it stems from him and his selfishness, nt to ask his parents to meet my family.

Literally, to be honest, I've been waiting since late last year. N he kept on delaying it n act like nothing had happened. Everythg that he wishes for must go on. But my wish, he doesn't care.
N then he will start to say thgs/lines that wld hurt me... Like "you lah yg nk cepat sgt..", "u tk faham my parent.." n so on... N i wld hav to keep quiet n keep everythg to myself although it pains me.

I really2 am dissapointed with that n everytime i kept on getting upset n thinking y do i get a guy like him? Dats my only hope.
Knape dia tk understand? N then just b'coz of this one prob it will lead to others and unhappiness between us. But the unspoken prob will always be this.

The thg is just simple, if he doesnt wanna remarry and his parents dun wanna accept another daughter in law, then no need to bother finding a new one. Putting all responsibilities on her.
Giving hopes and dashing it. I really am hurt by him.

That day he and me had a heart to heart talk...
Abt religion and performing our duty as a muslim...
And we both agreed that we do not perform our duty well b'coz of we r not satisfy with our lives now and keep on committing sins... So jiwa kita tk tenang...

Well, he did agree that marriage cld solve the prob...
But y did he acts like dis alwayz?
I dun gain anythg much frm the marriage...
Juz the freedom to do my thgs at my own pace...

Aku hope dia sedar yg he's wrong... his method his wrong...
I dun blame his mum, but his attitude make it worst for his mum to believe him.

Dear Blog,

First of all.. I wanted to say that I'm really happy today... I get to mit my frenz and radea...
Its enough for me... Coz I know that there r ppl out there besides him who cld make me happy.
Its already too much for me to handle.

I've also talked to Dewi and learnt that thgs cannot go on this way...
She said that she if were me, she wld have leave the guy a long time ago...
Why am I not suprised? Since a lot of ppl have already said that obviously...

N I'm really sad that what I heard, rang true to my ears.
He's really nt someone who deserves to be loved.
He cld only hurt and make empty promises...

Mayb if I let it go now... It won't be too late...
I know what his thinkings are... Everythg is fine as long as everythg is fine.

Because he everythg is fine as long as his life goes smoothly.
But he cannot think frm his point of view only.
He cannot think based on his feelings only.
Because as a couple, you are supposed to be equal.

N... It's alwayz him who's making the mistake.
He wld just nvr learn.

Why do I feel that it's all empty promises?
Why do I feel that he's not trying hard enough?
Why do I feel like hes not doing enough?

Why do I feel like he's faking it every single moment?
Why do I feel like he's lying through his teeth?
Why do I feel like he's such a failure?

Why do I feel this way?
Why am i thinking this way?
Why do I feel like he's not good enough?

Why does he question that he have to save more?
Why does he thinks that it's wrong?
Why is he being so calculative?

Why does he always feel that he's right?
Why does he always have to break my heart?

Hi Blog,
As you know... the reason why i'm here so late is because I'm upset today.
I'm very upset with him and his attitude.
He nvr cares abt my feelings...........

The prob is that....
I felt embarassed to admit it in front of everyone....
But my dream had always been to become somebody's wife...
I felt that it's such a great thing to be a wife. To have somebody beside you.
And maybe.. A mother too someday...
Dat will be my greatest achievement.

N i guess that he doesn't share my sentiments.
This is really a sad, sad world..
Ppl doesn't value r'ship as much.

Do they think that a partner is just a partner for plasure and sex?
Can't they think beyond that?
The emotional values that the r'ship holds?

I'm really sad do you know that.. He always take things so lightly coz he was a husband once and he didn't enjoy it.. Not with the right soulmate of course...
It really pains me. And his mum does not make thgs easier for me....
I guess he really love his life now.. So he didn't mind to take it easy.
But I have so many thgs to do, to achieved... N marriage will be a stepping stone.
But no.. He didn't understand that. He only cares abt himself.

I guess when you are couple, you have to learn not to be selfish and think of only yourself. N you must compromise and the greatest thg is for you to see your partner happy. But he doesn't see it that way..

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic. Maybe I'm delusional.
But........................

I still hope that there's somebody out there who understands my plight.

IF really there is somebody better for me out there, pls let him find me. Amin..

Why do I feel like I hate Ridzwan today?
Now everything will be like the old time.

I knw it's an entirely his fault but I can't help feel its entirely his fault.

I'm so happy to get that extra $300 from my boss.
It relieved me a lot... So I am grateful. But I still dislike the ppl.
Why do I have to work with people when I could work alone?
I hope I will be successful...

This year.. I will be 23... Seems like old...
N from what I've learnt from the recent events that's happening...
I just think that money makes the world goes around.
Ppl befriend others with money and status.
Even for such a small company like Showtec.
Mr Henry is excluded because he is the boss...

Without money, ppl will not do favours for others.
Since I'm just nothing in their eyes... like no value (money), it doesn't matter if i'm hurt, i'm tired, i'm angry, i'm sad.. So if I make it big someday, I hope these ppl are still alive to see me succeed.
Amin...

Disini, sedikit penerangan mengenai perkataan 'nusyuz' dari hukum ugama:

Nusyuz ialah isteri yang derhaka atau ingkar kepada suami tanpa alasan yang munasabah mengikut hukum syarak.

Sebab-sebab terjadinya nusyuz ialah:
· Isteri keluar dari rumah tanpa pengetahuan atau tanpa izin daripada suaminya. · Isteri menolak ajakan suami ke tempat tidur.
· Isteri bersikap kasar terhadap suaminya.
· Isteri tidak mengikut perintah suami yang tidak bertentangan dengan ajaran Islam. · Apabila disuruh menutup aurat dia enggan berbuat demikian.
· Enggan tinggal serumah dengan suami.
· Keluar rumah tanpa keizinan suami.
· Enggan menunaikan kewajipan sebagai seorang Islam, seperti mendirikan solat dan sebagainya.
· Menjauhkan diri daripada suami.
· Enggan memenuhi kemahuan suami kecuali yang ditegah dan tidak mencurahkan sepenuh kasih sayang kepada suami.
· Tidak memelihara kehormatan.
· Tidak menjaga amanah suami.
· Tidak merahsiakan perhubungan suami isteri.

Akibat daripada perbuatan nusyuz ialah:
· Isteri hilang haknya sebagai isteri.
· Suami tidak lagi bertanggungjawab memberi nafkah kepadanya.
· Isteri tidak berhak mendapat layanan dan keadilan daripada suaminya.
· Isteri tidak boleh membuat tuntutan daripada suaminya.

Enough reason for me not to feel guilty if I did nt talk/make conversation to her later part in life.
She's definitely not a role model and someone to look up to. Haha...
Too bad, she got a mum like her.

Yoohoo...
Today is my last day of sch!!!
Hopefully i will get As for my exams...
Amin...

My life is okay i guess... But it's still mundane...
I dunno when will I get my big break to achieve sumthg in this life...?
I just need a little boost... Sumthg to make me proud of myself...

Work-wise... it's still okay... But no chance to really prove myself in this Showtec.
Although life here is not so bad... but I feel like I just need sumthg more...
Esp since I'm nt even married yet.

But i think I've decided what I wanna do... If lets say he kept quiet and he nvr tell his family to come meet mine this March 2009, I will save my bonus and continue to take my advanced diploma... I can't just wait for him all my life.

So March will be my breaking point.. I will give him latest till April. He nvr said anythg then might I well I go ahead with it.
He juz dun get it when I ask him.. I can't be so straightforward kan.. I'm still a gerl.
He needs to give me a direction and I will know hw to plan my life.
He just cannot leave me hanging while he enjoyed his life.

And some more, he's the one yg tk tau hw to plan his life properly.. N pls dun complain when u're nearing forty and baru nk ada a child with me.
Everythg is not my fault.

God, pls show me the light... Amin...

I have sort out the probs with him on new year's eve...

And it continues that he totally depends on me.
And he don't know hw to take care of himself.
He just simply cannot live alone.

SO what can i do? I had to forgive him again no matter what happens.
It's nt really his fault lah... I dunno whose fault is it...
I just hope that he will learn more in 2009.
I will take care of him more and at the same time, i will make sure that he learn.

I just hope that he is normal and we could live a normal live together. Amin...

My New Year 2009 Resolutions:

1) To be more organize in my everyday life.
2) Be more punctual and early riser.
3) To lead live more healthily and look young alwayz.
4) To be more in love with my boyfriend and to treasure each other.
5) To have a more fulfilling great career.
6) To continue and upgrade myself.
7) To be a more respectful person.
8) To be someone's fiancee in March 2009.... hehe.

Since so much had happened this year... my ups and downs with him...
This is the final straw. You wld nvr change. I just knew it.
You really broke my heart. Coz everythg is nt going as planned.
Now, i wld let everythg go your way.

Tomorrow wld be the final day we met for 2008 and also for a long long time.
I won't stay here and sit ard and do nothing.. Just waiting for him....
I kept evrythg coz I thought since its nt long to our marriage, i will juz be good for nw and get married and be a good wife.

I've decided that since he's gonna be this way... For what do i stick to this mundane life while he do as he pleases?
I won't meet him for most of 2009, we save pelan2 and i cld just concentrate on my damn life and do the thgs that I want..
I hope that I can achieve what I want in this life... Amin...

My mood is dampened today.
Coz she's back to work today instead of 1 week of leave.. Why can't i at least have some peace for a wk?
I hate this world... its so unfair... haizzz...

Now she's making a big fuss abt boss msging her...

Sometimes i think Sharon is too evil.. she even wants to email everybody when the china gerl made a mistake and I can't believe that Joanna still wanna supports her.

I was so mad today... he actually had taken out lots of money from our joint acct...
He told me that he won't do it again...
Why did he do it? N he told me that budget lari? What kind of budget??

Apparently today we are nt okay because of the thgs he said to me and aft that the thgs that i said to him...
It was really dissapointing actually...
Mayb I did expect to much from him... Like what he used to be and what he is now, is million times better... But r still nt gd enough for me...
Am i too cruel to him? I knw that he was dissapointed....
He said that his dreams was shattered... i'm sorry abt it...
I didn't meant to say those hurtful thgs...
I guess he's a weak guy afterall... even before I really left him, he had already do trouble for himself.

When you feel your hearts guarded,
And you see the breaks starting,
When the clouds are far departed,
U'll be right here with me,
[Darkchild & Brandy]B rock...Darkchild..
We back..U'll be right here with me[Bridge]Y
ou'll be right here with meoh, oh [x16]You'll be right here with me[Verse 1]

When your life is going to fast,off the train tracks
I can slow it down, ohjust when you think your bout to turn back
'Stead you might crash
I'll be your ground, oh[Chorus]

Oh when you feel your hearts guarded,
And you see the brakes started,
And when the clouds above Departed,
You'll be right here with me,

And when your tears are dry from cryin,
And when the worlds turned silent,
So when the clouds above Departed,
You will be right here with me,Oh oh [Repeat x10]
I will be right here with you...
you'll be right here with me[Repeat][Verse 2]

When your trapped and there's just no key,
And you can't breathe,I breathe for you,
The fire's got you down on both knees,
And the walls are closing in but I will,
Break it through,And when you feel alone,
I'm a be at home,
Whenevers comes and go,
You know I got you,[Chorus]

Oh when you feel your hearts guarded,
And when you see the brakes started,
And when the clouds above Departed,
You'll be right here with me,
(You'll see the sun)
And when your tears are dry from crying, crying,
And when the worlds turned silent...silent,

So when the clouds above Departed,
You will be right here with me,[Bridge]
I will be here right beside you,
Every step you take (yea),
I will be your strength your shelter,
Shield you from the rain.....

he's doing it again!!
if he's nt making me mad... he's making me worried....
why can't he just let me be happy?
what does he wants in life?????
why does he gets nervous when i'm angry with him??
i do love him for god's sake! so pls dun do this to me okay..

I'm extremely sad with Ridzwan ryte now...
I've already known that this r'ship is doom from the start...
Why did i perservere? U cannot change the nature of a person...
So many ppl warn me abt it... N i refuse to listen...
I only saw the surface... I nvr saw the true colours...
The fact is that he nvr changed.

It's nearing 2009... Yippee!!
I'm so happy... It will be a new era for me.
N we r still so in love... Dats a gd sign...
I hope that we'll be together forever...

I will blog later for my resolutions and the 2008 closing.

Meanwhile, I'm on leave today so I will juz enjoy the day with him...

I love my dear coz he bought me the twilight book & the feet spa on the other day when he got his bonus... That's really nice of him...
It was an enjoyable saturday... But.. U knw that whenever he made mistakes, I wld alwayz forgives him... Mayb that I'm too generous... but I can't stay mad at him for too long and that goes the same for him... Although he told me that I rarely made him angry... Haha...
I'm truly a brilliant gerl coz any guys who were with me seldom get mad at me except those who are petty that they can't get me.. Hehe...
In a way, I think that I'm like Bella in Twilight... except that I'm less stubborn... :)

Have you ever loved somebody so much...
It makes you cry... Have you ever needed something so bad...
You can't sleep at night...

Have you ever tried to find the words...
But they don't come out right... Have you ever, have you ever...
Have you ever been in love...
Been in love so bad...
You'd do anything to make them understand...
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away...
You'd give anything to make them feel the same...
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart...
But you don't know what to say...
And you don't know where to start...
Have you ever found the one You've dreamed of all of your life...
Just about anything to look into their eyes...
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to?

I think I've already found him... But I don't wanna make it seem that it's only in the beginning that we feel this way towards each other....
To say that we light up each other's life n to stay forever this way till the end of time....

I love you, Ridzwan Bin Salim.

Dear Diary.

I dunno what's wrong with me....

I got a guy who loves me and is devoted to me.
Why did I ask him to go to another gerl? Crazy or not??
Don't I love him?? What more do I want?
I think I'm just dissapointed when I'm at my lowest and he doesn't care.
Or maybe I'm dissapointed coz he alwayz nvr do everythg that he said.
But still, that's not a reason to be that mean.

I hope God will forgives me for not appreciating what he had given.
I should have treasure my boyfriend instead of pushing him to someone else. Gosh!!

I do really love him. And I realized that it could affect my moods whenever he acts differently. But he's nt entirely at fault. It's just his nature. So I must alwayz forgive him.
I didn't really meant what I said yesterday dear... I swear.

Don't tell me that it doesn't hurts.

It hurts like hell.. I don't deserve it.

At work and at school. Fine, u're the one who dun wanna meet up and discuss.
And you hardly pick up ur calls or reply to sms.
And the at the morning of the last you frantically try to call everyone.
And then you volunteer to edit all.

SO what gives you the rights to use all your points and skip mine?

You didn't even use my diagram for goodness sake. It's my perfectly made diagram!

Do you think it's fair to me? I didn't sleep for the whole night tau...

Luckily lesson is left with two more only. After that I won't be seeing her again.
She still acts so nicely to me... Ouh Gosh!! That's why I thot she is a nice person in the first place.

I think I'm stupid lah...
Why must I believe all his words??
Why did I ever suggest to him that idea anyway..
Coz I already knew that he's nt gonna do it??
Bodoh kan.........................
And then you still continue to be nice to him and give in to him.
Why must I stick with him anyway??
I'm not his property what...
Anyway if he really loves me, he won't do that...
So yeah... I kinda hate him right now.

December.

Is such a blissful month. Coz you know that a brand new year is just around the corner.
And I got many so called "holidays" now. Coz Boss juz came back from 2 wks holiday and his mum passed away.
But money is really, really tight now.
I hate this. Why is it such a torture just to get married??
I'm looking forward to all the holidays and for classes to end.
Getting really tired with work, colleagues, classmates, people.
Onlu looking forward in meeting my dear. No stress at all. Kalau jumpa hari2 pon more better.
Can't wait for 2009.
A YEAR OF HOPE.

These past weeks life had been normal.
Just concentrating on saving money.
For him, Dec is full of hope. He's getting his bonus soon..
For me, I have to wait long. I wanted to go dentist, but I feel like my money is not enough... How?
Even though bwk bekal everyday.. Still I need to survive on watever cash I had........
Still got lots of thgs which is unpaid. Makes me worried everyday... Gosh!!
I must nt spend on unnecessary thgs. :(

It's been so long... that I haven't seen your face...
I'm trying to be strong... But the strength I have is washing away...
It won't be long... before i get you by my side...
And just to hold you, tease you, squeeze you...
Tell you what's been on my mind...

I wanna make up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
I wanna make right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...

Girl I know, mistakes were made between us two...
And we show our true selves that night...
Even said somethings weren't true...
Why'd you go and haven't seen my girl since then why can't it be the way it was?
Cause you were my homie, lover and friend...

I wanna make up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...

I can't lie I miss you much...
Watching everyday that goes by...
I miss you much... Till i get you back, I'm gonna Try...
Yes I miss you much... You are the apple of my eye...
Girl, I miss you much, I miss you much...
I can't lie... I miss you much...
Watching everyday that goes by...
I miss you much... Tell I get you back...
I'm gonna Try...
Yes, I miss you much... Yes you are the apple of my eye...
Girl, I miss you much... I miss you much...

I wanna make up... right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...
I wanna make love right now na na...
I wanna make love right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...

I want you to fly with me want you to fly...
I miss how you lie with me, miss how you lie...
Just wish you could dine with me, wish you could dine with me..
One that would grind with me, One that would grind with me...
I want you to fly with me, want you to fly...
I miss how you lie with me, Ohh miss how you lie...
Just wish you could dine with me, wish you could dine...
One that would grind with me, Ohh One that would grind...

I wanna make up right now na na...
I wanna make up right now na na...
Wish we never broke up right now na na...
We need to link up right now na na...

- I can't believe I cried when I saw this videoclip...
I hope that wherever you are right now, you will think of me this way..
I wanted you to realize that what you did is very painful for me.
I hope that you realized, when you had everything now,
What could you possibly desire anymore?
Only the one that you love most.

Boring lah... sia2 je aku amek half day hari tu.

Aku dah agak dah.. mesti it does not went well. Failure again.

Tapi, aku tknak lepaskan peluang nie coz it's an organization yg aku suka...
Dun tell me I have to be stuck at Showtec? Oh no!!

Bodoh lah. Dah waste aku nya leave.. nasib dat day dpt jumpa my dear.

Now lage a few wks to the new year... 2009.

So many thgs to do, assignments to finish, so many thgs to think of.....

I really hope that Wan and me could last till our wedding and we could become as husband and wife.
Cuma masalahnya... dia nie susah nk kumpul duit? Then bila susah nk kumpul duit, susah pulak nk ckp dgn his parents... So mcm mana tu ada gini nya probs?

Hopefully 2009 everythg will goes well... Amin...

I feel happy everyday that I got someone who loves me very much by my side...
Thanks to him.. I think it really made my life more meaningful...
At least we could support each other in this life.

But I am unhappy everyday because of the job environment...

I really wish for a change of job soon... But the economy is really bad.
And what do I have as an advantage against others??

Ouh my God.. I really dun wanna be stuck with this bunch of ppl.
Thank you God for giving me a job but I really wish for a new and better job soon.

Amin.

Bila ehk nak jadi somebody who's respected?
N not to worry anymore?
You have to earn the respect what...

Bila hidup aku nk jadi lain? Hopefully after marriage lah..
And hope my life will becomes better and not worst.

*Now on enjoy mood coz boss in on holiday! Yay!*
*I wanna do braces!!!*

Kadang2 aku pelik lah dgn diri aku...
Apa lage rahsia Wan yg aku nk korek2 nie?
Apa lage benda buruk yg aku expect nk terkeluar?
Smp kdg2 ntah kat mana2 aku alih2 search kan nama dia...
In hope for what?
For more dirty secrets?
Then what?
I could safely asks for a break up?
Even though it's really in front of my eyes dat i'm the one who's doing the bad thgs in dis r'ship? Is it because I dun feel secure wif him?
So is it my fault or his?

Aku pon tk tau apa yg aku nak nie sebenarnya?
I'm lucky enough to hav a guy who loves me wholeheartedly.
Point blank ckp, he really loves me. The whole world could see dat.
N he won't ever, ever leave me... ever.
So I could live happily ever after n no divorce.
So.. apa lage yg aku nak? Apa lage yg aku tk happy psl dia?
Apa lage yg aku carik?
Lelaki mcm mana yg aku nak?
Jodoh apa yg aku really hope kan dtg?
Org mana yg aku still waiting?

Kalau tk happy, asal aku gi accept dia?
Asal aku memandai ckp aku leh accept duda anak satu?
Apa yg aku nampak in him dat time?
Then.. is it dat i'm lying to myself n to him?
Do I really love him?
Could I bear dissapoint somebody who loves me?
Does he deserves all these after what he's gone thru?
Do I deserve all these after wat I've gone thru?

From young... Or teenagers I had alwayz known that I'm special.
I'm got a different set of thinking from others.
I've alwayz wanted a different kind of life, a different kind of dreams, somthing that is untouchable but I still tried to reach it.

I wanted to touch ppl lives, do something meaningful, not the kind of way normal ppl live their life. But alas, I've got a normal family so I guess it's kind of unreachable and wan's family is also kind of the same with my family so I guess my life would kinda be the same. Unless, if Wan's agree to make some changes in his life with me.

That'll be great isn't it? Hehehe....

I just hope that I will have a happy & meaningful life.
And even though others doesn't believe in me, I will still strive very hard to achieve what I dreamt of.

Last wk had been a bad week... Alwayz crying when I talk to him.
Dunno wats wrong wif me.. Juz felt so dissapointed wif him. Even salah kecik pon boleh jadi besar?? Knape sey.. Susah lah... Rindu mmg tetap rindu especially klau dh tk jumpa for a long long time... Haizz?? Ntahlah...

People alwayz think that I dream too much.
But dere's nothing wrong in dreaming ryte??

Anyway who said that a dream could not become reality??
Who told you that dreams should alwayz be a dream.

I've alwayz seek inspirations from ppl who are successful with their own efforts.
N I inspire to be like them some day.

I hate it when ppl doesn't believe in me. Its the same as my dad, nenek and all the others.

I think I will be going crazy if i stayed showtec long.
I dread seeing her face everyday... Gosh!
Everythg will be my mistake. Hate it.
Dear God.. Pls help me.. I really need a new job!!

What a sad & gloomy day for me.
Sharon is alwayz enjoying herself & "torturing" me.
In reality, she doesn't know wats a hard life really is.

My bonus is far, far away. Haizzzz...
5 and half more months to go. :(

I completely do not understand why ppl do not want to admit their mistakes.

It's obviously her mistakes and she wanted to shift the blame on other people and let out her unhappiness. Even the boss thinks she is wrong so that means she is really wrong.

And do you really have to gossip in chinese abt the person who's obvious abt it even though she does not understand chinese??

It really makes me so damn mad!! Why do I have to take all the blame when she is the one who shifts all the work to me??!

I really hate her. N i'm stuck in this job for dunno how long.
Haizz... Dat's life.

Smlm... dia tanya aku whether dia nie jahat sgt ke?
Apa yg dia dah buat smp aku tk suka dia? I dunno why... It's kind of sad really.
But I felt that what sins I have made to God, since I got a guy like him?

Actually..... It's quite true that he nvr did anythg directly hurting towards aku.
And I know dat he loves me... But sometimes his actions are infuriating.
Sometimes, i juz felt that I can't accept his actions sometimes.
The heartache will forever be with me, since I don't have such nasty pasts for him to be heartaching over.
It does seems like he doesn't deserves me but overall he's actually not dat bad of a person.
Maybe he's extremely weak, but he's not bad.

Kalau dia loves aku, he wld forgo the hotel thg and be a gd guy and save the money rather than spend it and then end up have to withdraw frm the joint account.
When he knows dat money is a very important thg to me...

And I really don't like him to keep quiet. But since he said, wat I said is all true, then I guess that he don't have anythg more to say...

Kdg2... aku rasa aku sendiri yg contradicting, since I believe that humans make mistakes, he made mistakes, then why did I feel geli/jijik if he tells me stories abt the past??

Psl... dia yg sendiri melebih2 cerita kdg2 buat aku geli... yucks.
Pada aku he likes to talk abt his first ex... n the thgs dat he did (like following her blindly)n dat makes me more angry and hates him more. N she's not even a sweet young thg.

Maybe it's all my mistakes. I overestimates my own weakness.

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