Hi Blog,

Today is the last day of 2009...
Sorry that I didn't blog much lately...
Been a very busy year.
I have to finalise my berkats.. Room decor yg susah sgt nk dpt...
After so many, at last settle on teacup and saucers..
And then skali tkda box pulak..And box is like extra 50 cents...
Abeh bila dah decide nak, abeh tkleh dpt pulak... confusion...
Sorry.. I've got no mood to write today.. I'm sick and alone on new years eve!!
So.. Happy New Year 2010!!
Its the year of my wedding too...5 more mths to go... :)
Hope that the new year wld bring more happiness, more gd health, more blessings, more wealth for me... :)

Hi Blog,

As expected, I felt sick today.. And took MC.
Mr Henry was not happy with me and make me a bit difficult.. :(
And then Cynthia took half day coz of her eyes...
I guess Mr Henry wld not be happy... I must boost up in Jan for my bonus... :)
Btw, next two days wld be a new year.. And its 2010!
Wheww.. time flew so fast... Guess for this year.. I hate to make new resolutions...
Coz my losing weight had been on the list for a few years already.. LOL!!
But I guess, I had to curb some of my bad habits such as being late for work and taking cabs.. Dats extremely bad work ethics man!!
And try to lose some weight for the wedding...
Of course, in 2010, I wanted to be a great wife too.. LOL!!
Hmmm.. The rest is as per normal I guess...

Although loneliness had always been a friend of mine...
I'm leaving my life in your hands...
People say I'm crazy and that I am blind...
Risking it all in a glance...
And how you got me blind is still a mystery...
I can't get you out of my head...
Don't care what is written in your history...
As long as you're here with me...

I don't care who you are...
Where you're from, what you did.. as long as you love me...

Every little thing that you have said and done...
Feels like its deep within me...
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run...
It seems like we're meant to be.....

Today I had my first experience attending a wedding chinese reception at Amara Hotel...
For Uncle Leong's son... Hmm... its very enriching and romantic...
But very expensive... Terkopak duit... First2 nk kasi less.. Abeh takut malu...
But overall, its quite nice... compare to mly wedding, the atmosphere is diff...
Dunno what to expect at my wedding next year...

Dear blog...
I'm getting busier and lazier to update now...
And guess what??
Its already 6 more mths to go... And I have not diet...
And i'm getting scared... I have booked most of the necessary thgs already...
Left with the small2 thgs such as berkats and cards...
Life is wan is really unpredictable and he's very lazy... sometimes cld make me mad...
I've started class.. and seems like I'm not cut to do accts...?
Feels like quitting.. padahal dah malas coz the wedding is keeping me busy...

Today I had a big scare... And Wan kat hospital...
I thought its somethg serious.. but turns out he's only depressed...
I've always known that he got this anxiety problem...
I just don't know how bad it is... Turns out that i'm right...
I really hate it when he's admitted to hospital.. coz I dun want him to think abt his ex wife being a nurse... Esp in NUH or TTSH... Hate it a lot...
Once I hate a person, I wld hate them forever...

Hari nie aku dapat bebual lama dgn mak wan...
Psl hantaran and wedding...
And... aku sedih knape even mak dia pon tk think so highly of him?
And especially in his ex wife case... Wan tk portray kan yg he's in the right...
So happy lah pompuan tu...
aku kesian jgklah dgn nasib tunang aku... Aku just hope that aft this, he wld just follow what I do, and insyallah.. his life wld be better... Our lives wld be better...
Amin...

I'm so stressed right now...
Mana nk fikir psl rumah, psl diri sendiri, psl wedding...
Psl duit... n now... he max out his credit card again!!!!
Mintak maaf but the damage is done.. Now i have to sort out his pay too...

Dear blog...
Life is full of mystery u know...
And today.. I had a shock of my life...
U know who i met today? Its HANIS.
Yeah.. my god daughter... and she's a big girl now...
It all started this morning.. when this sarifie guy came...
I saw him brought someone... But I did not looked up..
Coz I actually do not want to look at him... Coz of the past..
what he did... I heard sharon asked him "u bring ur daughter uh?"
First time nampak dia bwk.. n then after that he asked her to salam aku...
Bila aku angkat muka.. I had a shocked... Its like a dream...
How could she be in front of me??? N this is her dad???
Aku tergamam.. n aku try to ask her nama dia lage.. N its the same name...
N aku then ckp nie ur daughter? Then he said YES!!! Oh my god...
After that dia pon balik.. N then aku was in daze.. aku blom puas tgk hanis n nk tanya khabar dia.. So in split decision n kejar dia... Nasib dpt jumpa dia kat bwh...
N then bebual2 sikit.. I was so happy.. But fie... dia spoilt aku nya happiness...
So stuck up like he thought I wanted to take his daughter away..
N then knape dulu tk jaga btol2??? N i know his daughter way before I know him...
N after I broke up... when i search for hanis.. And all the while bpk dia is just beside me.... What a twisted thg kan??
Isshhh.. geram sey aku... geram... Tapi tkpe... janji dpt jumpa dia jap... N then balik pulak terjumpa kwn ite lama.. hopefully lah no more suprises lage..

Dear blog...
Today I took leave for my fiancee's birthday...
Aku mmg maseh marah towards him... Tapi biasalah...
Marah2 sayang... N skali aku lupa yg pagi aku ada counselling service...
Hehe.. Tk sangka betol yg aku pegi counselling...
The counsellor is nice and handsome... Faham akan masalah aku..
N wan pulak tk percaya.. Masa baru2 jumpa of course lah maseh ada tension but the whole day was very fun.. And we love each other so much...
There is no turning back now... Gd news yg the HDB had approved our appeal and we got our HLE today... Yahoo..!!!
Now hopefully we got our flat pulak!!! Amin.... Amin....
Please... please... we really really need a flat... Amin...

My fiancee is very cruel... He doesn't care about me anymore.
I don't even know if he really loves me or not...
He makes me feel sad & cry everyday..
He does not appreciate all the thgs that I had done for him.
And he does not want to reply to my messages. And he did not wanna call me.
He is so rude that he did not even say thk you for the birthday gift that I picked.
He is like a completely diff person than the one that I love.
Wats the point in living anyway? I might as well just die tomorrow.

I am really sad & dissapointed today... Coz of him.
I was actually kind of good mood today and I look forward to see him later and to pass him the present.. But everything went downhill when he didn't call me.
And I had to find him instead to hear a bad news!!! Called his office and his home.

Okay fine... I know that he's probably sick n on mc... But why can't he just call me?
Why must wait for me to call him?
He could just called me after he called his workplace or something... N I dun even know whether he's really sick or not... He seems fine yesterday...
Dunno he's lying thru his teeth or not.. even just to pass the thg also he did not want.
N he got the cheek to ask me to go there to his house!! Is it delivery service or wat? Slalu aje asyik nk kena dtg umah dia!! Makes me so mad.. Feels like throwing away his present!! N I had to leave it in the office..
All my efforts are wasted.. N i really felt like taking a cab home n just go to sleep!! Instead i spend my last few penny at Causeway Point!!! Dat calms me down a little.

Today I had some free time so I decided to search for my fiancee's present...
I was actually in a lazy mood to shop.. but i felt like eating the cold storage chicken n my feet brought me to Metro... Actually my initial plan was to buy him a key chain with the letter R. I bought it for someone a few yrs back.. n i really like it coz it has some description on it too. But i juz thought that it may be too small.. So i started to try n see what is the belt price (the ones that he likes).
But it turns out to be quite expensive, for a belt.. N i'm really not too sure which one that he likes... So I source out other thgs.. N i remember what he told me abt his beg..
N then I found a few perfect one.. I'm really scared that he won't likes it.. So i tried to choose somethg similar to the ones that he usually used. The beg is not cheap... So I hope that I make the right choice. And after it was wrapped, i turns out to be so big.. Bigger than the original planned key chain which I could hide in my room. The keychain, btw, is no longer there... So dissapointed.
And then I decided to meet him tomorrow to passed him as an advance present... But to be opened on his birthday instead. Actually he left his hp at work.. So, when he called me, I told him that kalau dah confirm, cannot cancel coz the thg is quite big and I dun want to bring it back n forth... He said okay n promised me not to OT...

Today is our 2nd year anniversary!!
I'm so happy today.. Coz 2 yrs is a really big deal to me...
We had gone thru ups and downs so much...
And I'm happy that we could make it thru.. We did not get each other a present...
Coz both had little money.. and i thot i should get him something for his birthday..
We didn't do anything much today.. except for maybe choose a dressing table for the wedding.. Coz my mood was spoilt coz he commented on my stomach n abt hari raya..
but actually coz i was feeling bloated already... n the pain had already started for my menses.. which is due today.. but so far nothing comes out...
Not such a great day for anniversary... But its okay...

And then after the great outing...
He ignored me for three days.. because he only work n sleep...
which makes me mad... because we got no time to talk at all...
And I got something urgent to talk... N he sleeps!!
What make it worst is that when aku skola... and aku ckp dgn dia jgn tido dulu n then he sleeps.. So, on thursday.. he makes ammend n ckp nanti balik kerja dia jumpa aku...
So mood aku pon dah okay balik.... Skali guess what? Tgh aku semangat2... Terus nak jumpa dia at kedai kopi bukit gombak... And then dia alih2 ckp yg kwn dia fairuz tu ada...
Aku pon a bit peng.. Coz aku nk bebual dgn dia.. but dia ckp kwn dia dah kat situ from 5+ so aku thot bdk tu dah nk balik.. So aku lambat2 sikit.. Skali smp aku tgk mcm tgh rancak bebual.. And no chance at all to balik... Haizz.. Nasib.. Nasib... Aku mcm marah tau... Nasib Fairuz nie okay jgk... Tapi dia mcm suka bebual n tknak balik... sambung nya sambung smp kul 9+ and nasib bergerak jgk.. N then wan nk marah aku coz balik nk naik cab!! Padahal aku sebenarnya nk bebual dgn dia.... n then baru aku dpt tau yg dia sebenarnya ada pegi sumwhere... mcm tipu aku gitu coz tk bilang.. nampak sah dah muka guilty.. Boring!!!
Kalau nk kata,, aku mmg the most faithful gf yg ada.. So mmg no prob at all utk sape2 yg stead dgn aku.... Then balik ingat nk bebual kat tepon.. n aku ckp jgn tido.. but dia tido lage!!

Today.. I had a very happy day...
I already do most of the cleaning yesterday.. n go pasar.. n today, i wanted to go out with Wan.... Tapi ada masalah since Radea ajak aku teman kan dia go dat high tea.. But I can't coz its exactly tgh2 n Wan pulak kerja mlm... And aku really nk spend a peaceful time dgn Wan... but was kind of dissapointing when what you get is a guy playing with the ipod. That is not my fiancee... And we watch the sorority row movie which is not that thrilling at all...
But after dat, when we got to another place... things changed and i know that we both had missed each other much... :)
And our pizza did not came. :(
But today is overall a great day and i went back happy...

I know that its kind of bad... But today gotta be one of my relief n happiest day...
They are going back to Dubai!!!
I really2 feel that I've been gone thru so much these past one month....
N this is the day...it finally comes...
I feel so bad... As a human, I do make mistakes... I'm sorry aqueelah... I wanted to treat u nice... the same as all my siblings n cousins...
But... its very very difficult... I hope that when u're older, u wld understand whats going on between me n ur mum... I will make amends for it...
Same goes to nieshah... coz afterall... i'm still a normal human being.. I can't afford to be nice to ppl all the time.. I'm nt an angel... Coz I have feelings too...
N anyway.. ptg aku go Kaki Kaki for the foot reflex.. still very painful u know... m then aft dat jumpa radea... mkn KFC... aku bilang dia there's also gd news.. Dewi dah dpt a baby girl!!
N aku ingat nk singgah umah epah.. tapi dia senyap je.. So aku pon tk jadi lah...
Wan lage senyap.. buatkan aku marah je.. tapi nasib aku tau yg dia not feeling well...
Kadang2 risau jgk asal dia asyik nt feeling well aje... Haizz...

Today i met wan.. he's actually supposed to work pagi...
But he text me in the morning saying that he actually forgot that dia ada 2 days course...
So now dia dah missed satu n today dia kena balik...
Aku suroh dia balik rupanya dia tk balik... Dia gi main game smp ptg..Aku balik..
N we go to dhoby ghaut... to redeem my so-called prizes.. Luckily... aku dpt lepas.. no need to stay for one & half hr... hehe..
Prize pon bknnya betol.. then we eat bk n went back...
Masa dlm train tu lah.. ada salah faham psl anak dia.. N aku was really sad...
Aku pon tk tau whether worth it or not.. Coz i married him not to become a stepmum...
Dia salah faham.. I dun hav anything against he daughter... N...
I like children.. but not spoilt children...
I just hope that everythg would went well after marriage...
I really dun feel like having a tortured life even after marriage...
If not, why wld ppl get married at all kan?? N typical of him... He would just sleep it off while i keep on crying & thinking abt the matter...
Typical. Very typical...

Aku bgn dgn good mood today....
Coz aku boleh keluar senang.. Uda dah smp!!
Aku pon kejutkan Athirah...
N we play laptop outside... Aman & damai...
Nanti aku nk keluar dgn wan pegi umah makcik dia n umah angah...
Rupanya ingatkan panas hingga ke petang.. rupanya hujan di tgh hari...
Kau imagine lah... Aku dahlah tk mkn breakfast...
N dia mata merah... terus nk hentam aku...
Aku pagi dah tlg sidai kain.. abeh lepas tu dia boleh nk msk dlm bilik suroh aku lage cuci pinggan mangkuk kat tangki!!
Ewah.. ewah... dia yg mkn tadi.. nk suroh aku.. Ingat aku maid dia ke pe...
Dlm byk2 org.. mesti nk suroh aku ke pe.. dia yg lage tua ke pe... apa mesti aku je yg buat??
N knape dia tk boleh buat sendiri ke?? N bila aku hegeh2.. terus dia msk dlm bilik aku lage lah!!!
Dia ckp nanti aku nk buat laz minute... dah nk keluar.. tk buat kerja pape.. yelah... punya peng lah aku... nk attack aku bila org tkda kat dlm bilik!!
Aku mmg sengaja tknak buat.. Coz ikutkan aku nya degil nie.. mmg aku won't/refuse to take orders from her. Sedangkan family aku sendiri aku leh defy tau.. Apa kan lage dia...
N aku sengaja buang sampah kat luar n nangis... pastu msk dlm... maki2 under my breathe...
Such a fucking bitch kan?? Asal ehk dpt makcik mcm gini?
Terus mood aku spoil the whole day.. Tgk Aqueelah pon aku marah...
Abeh pastu kena tgk anak wan lage... Satu image yg susah aku nk telan...
N she doesn't even seems like she like me wearing tudung.
Then bwk anak dia dtg umah angah.. n everybody was saying like dat is my daughter n nk kena ungkit sumer kisah2 lama... Do i look like i care abt kamal n his wife?????????????
Do I Care???????? Dahlah benci aku just to hear abt the names...
Aku pon tk tau lah... Just not my day lah today...
Aku rasa aku dah nearly nk go into depression...
Dapat laki pon yg tk supportive.. N thinks of himself je...
Tk tau dilemma seorang perempuan tu mcm mana... Consider he's lucky lah dpt stress free kahwin dgn aku.. Aku yg sorg kena byk worries...

I'm so excited today!!
Today first time dpt jalan raya dgn Wan & My friends from school...
So happy.. dpt kenal kan dgn tunang lah katakan...
Coz aku tk jemput dorang pe masa aku tunang...
Then smlm dpt tau yg May nya wedding is today... So terkelam kabut lah aku sikit...
Tapi aku sebenarnya happy dpt escape mak busu.. haha...
So.. pagi mak wan dah pakai kereta nk pegi check up kat poly...
N then aku dah kejut wan.. dia pon naik kereta amek aku...
Aku dah really excited... Sempat beli stepper exercise machine from Ebay.
Org dia hantar kat umah..
Then bila wan dah smp.. Aku ingat nk suroh dia singgah.. tapi psl dah lambat.. so tk payah lah...
Terus isi minyak n go to Simei nya wedding...
From there terus pegi umah fifi at Pasir Ris.. N as usual... comments2 yg aku tknak dgr...
Tapi tkpelah.. Major mistake.. aku terbiarkan wan sorang kat luar... Lupa lak yg dia first time...
Then terus proceed to next house... Abeh bila dh ptg, dah pening kepala pulak.. Benci aku kalau dah pening smp gitu... Then terus by the time nk smp umah kiya je... Aku dah tk tahan.. n aku dgn wan pon terpaksa balik... Tk continue...
Tapi kita bkn balik terus.. Cuma rest jap, beli teh tarik n then singgah umah parents dia pulak.
Baru terus gi umah abah. Balik nearly after midnight.... So tired....
Tgh tunggu uda & athirah dtg je...