I'm truly sorry that I've make him worry.
I really shouldn't do that...coz i know that he really loves me a lot and he has nvr even hurt my feelings deeply or intentionally except for the little2 thgs that can be forgiven...
So.. I shld have not make some that loves you worry ryte?
Thinking that you might leave them?? How can i do that to someone who tries hard to please me.
Maybe i'm juz stressed abt work and then makes me think abt marriage and his lack of savings...
I know that its only a plot...But he looks like very stressed out abt the matter & keeps blaming himself...
I'm really sorry baby.. I promise that I will love you more.
That's a promise. I will love you for my whole life.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
I will swear that those who look down on me will regret it later... Those who presevere will always be the one most successful in life. If i ever succeed one day, then... Haizz.. Wah lau weh..
Hate these type of ppl and the way they work.
Aft so long, i still feel that i can't understand them. Is it the typical chinese way of doing things like savings their own backside.
Only they both can understand each other. One thg i know.. when she say that i must learnt.. Is that i've got my own way of doing thgs and i won't do it like others do it...
Haha... Only someone like J will think it that way and only a person like her who will look up to somebody like S. Thanks anyway.. The only lesson that I've learnt her is that ppl can be selfish and egoistical. The world is full of these ppl. I hope i will meet somebody truly nice later on and share my sentiments in life.....
Hate these type of ppl and the way they work.
Aft so long, i still feel that i can't understand them. Is it the typical chinese way of doing things like savings their own backside.
Only they both can understand each other. One thg i know.. when she say that i must learnt.. Is that i've got my own way of doing thgs and i won't do it like others do it...
Haha... Only someone like J will think it that way and only a person like her who will look up to somebody like S. Thanks anyway.. The only lesson that I've learnt her is that ppl can be selfish and egoistical. The world is full of these ppl. I hope i will meet somebody truly nice later on and share my sentiments in life.....
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I really hates it when Nadyia said that i shld just forget it abt the cpf thingy...
But i'm not her... Its not abt the money issue... its abt the moral & integrity of a mly muslim boss/employer who did not conduct a proper business and even wants to hold back a meager sum of money from his employee cpf which he had already deducted frm the employee's pay...
Furthermore it's my first full time job.. n i dun think he shld do that to me. :(
I really admire this Azren guy (my colleague) same like how i admire Abg Fadoli.
That is how a true man has to acts. Must plan everythg for the future & work hard to save money. I cans see that he's working hard towards his future & saving harder. Even just now he was already enquiring with hdb for a flat & taking up loans n bank loans. He knows that he's gonna get married in 2 yrs time and he was planning for everythg... everythg... His fiancee shld be lucky to get a husband like him. :)
Even Kamal & Sham is working hard & saving hard for their upcoming marriage. N they r all younger than Wan. Why r they thinking maturely but Wan is not?
That's the prob with my bf that will arise when you r being too pampered by your parents n everythg in your first marriage is being sponsored by your parents except for the duit hantaran. It means trouble for the second marriage. Really big trouble.
Its very diff with my bf. He nvr plans n nvr do anythg for the future. He said that we're gonna get married in 2 yrs time. Its not a long time for a couple n what he only knows is to talk.
I'm not saying that he's a bad guy.. But sometimes i find it dissapointing if the only thg that he thinks n talks abt is sex. N when i meant planning abt the future is not planning abt just the sex thg!
Sometimes i think & think whether did i get the right guy??
I shld think that sex is the only thg in his mind n everytime what's on his mind is that the planning on when to meet me so that he can do that things n aft that it's all back to square one.
I do give him hints & scenarios sometimes but he just doesn't get it.
I dunno what did he do with his first marriage (n who planned it). But all i can say is that for an experience guy in this marriage thg, he does not looks so experience at all.
I can see that Bobby is going thru what my bf is going thru in his first yr of marriage. But maybe Bobby's situation is a bit diff coz Bobby is more patience type of guy so they didn't quarell often like Wan & his ex wife.
I really dunno wat to say.. I'm kind of sick & tired of it actually.. but i just kept quiet.
Maybe its not the right thg to do..but i really dunno how to bring up the subject. I dun want him & other ppl to think that i'm so desperate.
I'm really not desperate to get married coz i'm still young but i just dun think that this is the right way for a guy to behave when he knows that he wanna get married in 2 yrs or less n he's always sakit & all.. It's not wrong for him to feel that way but it is just appropriate for him to feel that way aft we r married so that there r no more restrictions.
Such a dilemma. :(
Pls dun make me give up this r'ship.
But i'm not her... Its not abt the money issue... its abt the moral & integrity of a mly muslim boss/employer who did not conduct a proper business and even wants to hold back a meager sum of money from his employee cpf which he had already deducted frm the employee's pay...
Furthermore it's my first full time job.. n i dun think he shld do that to me. :(
I really admire this Azren guy (my colleague) same like how i admire Abg Fadoli.
That is how a true man has to acts. Must plan everythg for the future & work hard to save money. I cans see that he's working hard towards his future & saving harder. Even just now he was already enquiring with hdb for a flat & taking up loans n bank loans. He knows that he's gonna get married in 2 yrs time and he was planning for everythg... everythg... His fiancee shld be lucky to get a husband like him. :)
Even Kamal & Sham is working hard & saving hard for their upcoming marriage. N they r all younger than Wan. Why r they thinking maturely but Wan is not?
That's the prob with my bf that will arise when you r being too pampered by your parents n everythg in your first marriage is being sponsored by your parents except for the duit hantaran. It means trouble for the second marriage. Really big trouble.
Its very diff with my bf. He nvr plans n nvr do anythg for the future. He said that we're gonna get married in 2 yrs time. Its not a long time for a couple n what he only knows is to talk.
I'm not saying that he's a bad guy.. But sometimes i find it dissapointing if the only thg that he thinks n talks abt is sex. N when i meant planning abt the future is not planning abt just the sex thg!
Sometimes i think & think whether did i get the right guy??
I shld think that sex is the only thg in his mind n everytime what's on his mind is that the planning on when to meet me so that he can do that things n aft that it's all back to square one.
I do give him hints & scenarios sometimes but he just doesn't get it.
I dunno what did he do with his first marriage (n who planned it). But all i can say is that for an experience guy in this marriage thg, he does not looks so experience at all.
I can see that Bobby is going thru what my bf is going thru in his first yr of marriage. But maybe Bobby's situation is a bit diff coz Bobby is more patience type of guy so they didn't quarell often like Wan & his ex wife.
I really dunno wat to say.. I'm kind of sick & tired of it actually.. but i just kept quiet.
Maybe its not the right thg to do..but i really dunno how to bring up the subject. I dun want him & other ppl to think that i'm so desperate.
I'm really not desperate to get married coz i'm still young but i just dun think that this is the right way for a guy to behave when he knows that he wanna get married in 2 yrs or less n he's always sakit & all.. It's not wrong for him to feel that way but it is just appropriate for him to feel that way aft we r married so that there r no more restrictions.
Such a dilemma. :(
Pls dun make me give up this r'ship.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Its really sad & heartbreaking to see and it's really bothering me a lot on people with low moral issues such example is Wan, his EX WIFE and his first EX... Being 32, 33, 34.. they are all much more older than me but the thgs that they had learnt in life is so limited.. Sumthg which i cannot connect at all. Why is there such things happening in our malay society??
I still find that his ex wife is still okay compared to his ex. Even though the role as a wife is not acceptable to me but to compare her with his ex which obviously targets a married man such as Wan so that she could have free housing, FREE SEX, free money n even free assistant to help her sell the pills.. Hahaha what a joke!
Why ppl get married in the first place if marriage vows are not taken seriously and when its obvious that there is no intention of settling down yet.
Should at least give consideration on the emotional pain and fustration inflicted on both parties and esp to the children, when both parties are out fooling around.
Parents should be a role model to their child.What will it be like if on one hand you are teaching your children about moral values, while on the other, you are doing the exact opposite...
Upset lah wif this kind of ppl.. when i see his daughter face, i felt so guilty n pitied her for having such parents. I hope they both had changed for the better with a better partners to guide them... Amin.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
I pray that i will be a beautiful successful woman one day with a caring & loving husband and a happy family of her own...
Can do some charity works, donations, holidays... n everthg that i can ever dream of... Like Angelina Jolie...
To have a fulfilling life in such a short life of a human being...
To enjoy life as it is..
To take each day as it is...
That's basically what i wish for the future...
Can do some charity works, donations, holidays... n everthg that i can ever dream of... Like Angelina Jolie...
To have a fulfilling life in such a short life of a human being...
To enjoy life as it is..
To take each day as it is...
That's basically what i wish for the future...
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I came across this blog entry at anakmelayu today:
"If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she couldn't take it anymore...
If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of your life; if you let her go, she couldn't go back to being herself anymore... (VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, Except in front of the person who she love the most, she becomes weak.. (VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, only when she loves you the most, she put down her ego. Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you please hold her hands firmly, she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please dont give her up, maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life. When she cry rite in front of you, when she cry bcoz of you, Look into her eyes, Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?
Think... . Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity, Infront of you, And bcoz of you? She cry not because she is weak, She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity, She cry, Because crying silently is no longer possible, the pain, hurt, n agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside..."
It makes me think of an incident ard March 2006 when i was still a very stupid & silly girl so blindly in love and that's the only time that I've ever cried in front of a guy (So badly pulak tu..).
At that time.. We are on the verge of a breaking up and i dunno why i was so very very sad and i cannot even slept the night before when he told me he wanna broke up with me and the tears really cannot stop from falling.. After that, every single day i juz continue wif my life.. N i dun even feel like meeting/kenal2 wif other guys.
It juz feels weird when guys wanna get to know you and u r still hung up over one particular guy. Am i crazy or wat?
A week later, he suddenly said that he wanna meet up wif me and to finish some unsettle business.. Suddenly, when we meet up, it felt strange as if we r some kind of strangers.. I dun really know what to talk to him n what to expect...
But out of sudden, he hug me and starts to kiss me at his fav spot and we r sitting at our fav spot and it juz seems so familiar n i starts thinking that hw am i gonna live without him.. n i really felt like crying when he said that he really missed me a lot this 1 wk.. I was so happy n so sad at that time that the tears start flowing a little by little and when he noticed that his shoulders r wet and he asked me whether i'm crying or not...
I was so embarassed n tried to cover but i failed terribly and started to cried uncontrollably like a baby!!!
I was really so overwhelmed by emotions coz I really do love him a lot at that time.
And i really can't imagine myself being with somebody else... So we patch up...
But its no use coz less that two months later we broke up completely and i was me who give him the FINAL ans.
When i give him the final sms, i didn't feel anythg coz i really thot that he's gonna explains himself.. but turns up that he's so cruel and the reality starts to sink in later at nyte when i realised that he's really gonna break up.
I cried myself to sleep and all the days after.. I was suffering for months...
Everytime my friends (guys & gerls) called me and we brought up the topic, i will cry. It was like so bad.. I dunno why he had that effects on me!! Stupid!!
Up until from that moment, until now... I dun think i have ever loved/cried for anybody else as much as i does it for him.
And gradually, dats why i began to hate him so much coz he's making me suffer by making me love him so much.
I must learnt to let go of all these memories n accept the reality that me and him r not meant to be together and there r really someone who loves me a lot too.. More than him?
Pls, pls haseenah... wake up n come back to reality.
"If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she couldn't take it anymore...
If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of your life; if you let her go, she couldn't go back to being herself anymore... (VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, Except in front of the person who she love the most, she becomes weak.. (VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, only when she loves you the most, she put down her ego. Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you please hold her hands firmly, she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please dont give her up, maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life. When she cry rite in front of you, when she cry bcoz of you, Look into her eyes, Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?
Think... . Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity, Infront of you, And bcoz of you? She cry not because she is weak, She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity, She cry, Because crying silently is no longer possible, the pain, hurt, n agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside..."
It makes me think of an incident ard March 2006 when i was still a very stupid & silly girl so blindly in love and that's the only time that I've ever cried in front of a guy (So badly pulak tu..).
At that time.. We are on the verge of a breaking up and i dunno why i was so very very sad and i cannot even slept the night before when he told me he wanna broke up with me and the tears really cannot stop from falling.. After that, every single day i juz continue wif my life.. N i dun even feel like meeting/kenal2 wif other guys.
It juz feels weird when guys wanna get to know you and u r still hung up over one particular guy. Am i crazy or wat?
A week later, he suddenly said that he wanna meet up wif me and to finish some unsettle business.. Suddenly, when we meet up, it felt strange as if we r some kind of strangers.. I dun really know what to talk to him n what to expect...
But out of sudden, he hug me and starts to kiss me at his fav spot and we r sitting at our fav spot and it juz seems so familiar n i starts thinking that hw am i gonna live without him.. n i really felt like crying when he said that he really missed me a lot this 1 wk.. I was so happy n so sad at that time that the tears start flowing a little by little and when he noticed that his shoulders r wet and he asked me whether i'm crying or not...
I was so embarassed n tried to cover but i failed terribly and started to cried uncontrollably like a baby!!!
I was really so overwhelmed by emotions coz I really do love him a lot at that time.
And i really can't imagine myself being with somebody else... So we patch up...
But its no use coz less that two months later we broke up completely and i was me who give him the FINAL ans.
When i give him the final sms, i didn't feel anythg coz i really thot that he's gonna explains himself.. but turns up that he's so cruel and the reality starts to sink in later at nyte when i realised that he's really gonna break up.
I cried myself to sleep and all the days after.. I was suffering for months...
Everytime my friends (guys & gerls) called me and we brought up the topic, i will cry. It was like so bad.. I dunno why he had that effects on me!! Stupid!!
Up until from that moment, until now... I dun think i have ever loved/cried for anybody else as much as i does it for him.
And gradually, dats why i began to hate him so much coz he's making me suffer by making me love him so much.
I must learnt to let go of all these memories n accept the reality that me and him r not meant to be together and there r really someone who loves me a lot too.. More than him?
Pls, pls haseenah... wake up n come back to reality.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I'm so happy that i got my first bonus... N i will try hard not to spend it in one shot...
I'm still thinking whether i should just save it for my marriage, take up a driving license, do my braces or just shop a lot?
Hmm... must think carefully... I wanted to do braces but seems like very painful like that...
But they say that it can make the face/jawline more sharper leh...
Maybe i could try losing some weight first and see how.. but still having a nice teeth beats all...
Yeah.. i'm a very vain gerl & a perfectionist.. so i want everythg nice in life...
But still, i won't forget the poor & unfortunate..
I'm still thinking whether i should just save it for my marriage, take up a driving license, do my braces or just shop a lot?
Hmm... must think carefully... I wanted to do braces but seems like very painful like that...
But they say that it can make the face/jawline more sharper leh...
Maybe i could try losing some weight first and see how.. but still having a nice teeth beats all...
Yeah.. i'm a very vain gerl & a perfectionist.. so i want everythg nice in life...
But still, i won't forget the poor & unfortunate..
Virginity:
Saving oneself for one's husband is considered one of the most traditional values in the olden days and i believe this still holds today, especially more so when promiscuity is so rampant and ONS and numerous sex partners is common.
In fact, i feel that being virgin is a strong belief that one have to holds to, when most ppl around are non-Vs.
Choosing to give up one's virginity is a major turning point of a girl's life hence it does tell a lot about the girl and for a guy who they are marrying to.
Coz a virginity is something special, a gift you bequeath upon someone special whom you decide worthy.
Saving oneself for one's husband is considered one of the most traditional values in the olden days and i believe this still holds today, especially more so when promiscuity is so rampant and ONS and numerous sex partners is common.
In fact, i feel that being virgin is a strong belief that one have to holds to, when most ppl around are non-Vs.
Choosing to give up one's virginity is a major turning point of a girl's life hence it does tell a lot about the girl and for a guy who they are marrying to.
Coz a virginity is something special, a gift you bequeath upon someone special whom you decide worthy.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I've learnt that sometimes in life... you have to be contented with what you have and not dwell on the past for a person's mistake.
Yeah i have to admit that I cannot accept his past.
But I must learnt to forget and be thankful that I found someone who loves me so very much amidst all his past mistakes...
I just hope that he won't repeat the same things and treasure his life more rather than leave it wasted doing wasted thgs...
Maybe It's God wishes for him to meet me.. someone so diff yet similar in some ways. As long as we can live happily ever after... I can learnt to love him more day by day... Amin...
Yeah i have to admit that I cannot accept his past.
But I must learnt to forget and be thankful that I found someone who loves me so very much amidst all his past mistakes...
I just hope that he won't repeat the same things and treasure his life more rather than leave it wasted doing wasted thgs...
Maybe It's God wishes for him to meet me.. someone so diff yet similar in some ways. As long as we can live happily ever after... I can learnt to love him more day by day... Amin...
Monday, March 10, 2008
Monday, 10/03/2008:
I feel really bad that i think so badly of him & accuse him of taking the pills... I feel bad that i am feeling this way... Whereas, i know that he's an emotionally unstable person... N we always argue abt the pill nowadays...
But, i really can't help it... Coz whenever something like this happens, i can't help but feel that why am i the one who have to pick up the pieces of his past?
Yeah lah... coz when he already had his fun with all the girls (his exs) or the other way round, i'm the one who have to bear all these consequences.
Plus, i kept on thinking on why do i have to lead the way that he is used to (like going to the hotel)... N when they (his exs) all had their fun n leave him with no money n debts (his exs & ex wife), i am still the only one girl who sticks with him despite him having absolutely nothing in his life?
But i know that he's trying really hard for me... I know that he's working so hard for me too... N i know that he loves me.
Am i stupid or what to stick by him? No? Or... Maybe coz i pity him so much? Or.. Maybe coz i did love him? I dun really know the answer....
I kept on thinking... All the money that was spend when he go to the hotels in the past(which is a lot), i think will be enough for my hantaran sey... :(
So now, whenever i'm facing somethg like this... I assure myself that God has written the fates for me to meet him so that i can help him and set his life straight...
Maybe true love is all abt making sacrifices ryte? So i have to sacrifice my whole life for him.
But, sometimes i feel that i'm not strong enough and ppl will always want a husband who can guide & cares for them ryte? Not the other way round.....
Now i have to pity myself before i pity him. But still i won't give up and will live my life to the fullest and hoping that i can achieve something in my life.
THE END.
I feel really bad that i think so badly of him & accuse him of taking the pills... I feel bad that i am feeling this way... Whereas, i know that he's an emotionally unstable person... N we always argue abt the pill nowadays...
But, i really can't help it... Coz whenever something like this happens, i can't help but feel that why am i the one who have to pick up the pieces of his past?
Yeah lah... coz when he already had his fun with all the girls (his exs) or the other way round, i'm the one who have to bear all these consequences.
Plus, i kept on thinking on why do i have to lead the way that he is used to (like going to the hotel)... N when they (his exs) all had their fun n leave him with no money n debts (his exs & ex wife), i am still the only one girl who sticks with him despite him having absolutely nothing in his life?
But i know that he's trying really hard for me... I know that he's working so hard for me too... N i know that he loves me.
Am i stupid or what to stick by him? No? Or... Maybe coz i pity him so much? Or.. Maybe coz i did love him? I dun really know the answer....
I kept on thinking... All the money that was spend when he go to the hotels in the past(which is a lot), i think will be enough for my hantaran sey... :(
So now, whenever i'm facing somethg like this... I assure myself that God has written the fates for me to meet him so that i can help him and set his life straight...
Maybe true love is all abt making sacrifices ryte? So i have to sacrifice my whole life for him.
But, sometimes i feel that i'm not strong enough and ppl will always want a husband who can guide & cares for them ryte? Not the other way round.....
Now i have to pity myself before i pity him. But still i won't give up and will live my life to the fullest and hoping that i can achieve something in my life.
THE END.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Closed off from LOVE...
I didn't need the pain...
Once or twice was enough... And it was all in vain...
Time starts to pass...
Before you know it, you're frozen...
But something happened... For the very first time with you...
My heart melts into the ground...
Found something true...
And everyone's looking around...
Thinking that I'm going crazy...
But I don't care what they say...
I'm in LOVE with you... They try to pull me away...
But they don't know the truth...
My heart's crippled by the vein...
That i keep on closing... You cut me open and I......
Keep bleding.. Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
I keep bleeding.. I keep, keep, bleeding LOVE...
Keep bleeding... Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
You cut me open...
Trying hard not to hear.. But they talk so loud...
Their piercing sounds fill my ears...
Try to fill me with doubt... Yet i know that the goal...
Is to keep me from falling...
But nothing's greater... Than the rush that comes with your embrace...
And in this world of loneliness...
I see your face.. Yet everyone around me...
Thinks that i'm going crazy... Maybe, maybe...
But I don't care what they say... I'm in LOVE with you...
They try to pull me away... but they don't know the truth...
My heart's crippled by the vein... That I keep on closing...
You cut me open and I....
Keep bleeding.. Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
I keep bleeding... I keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
And it's draining all of me...
Oh, they find it hard to believe...
I'll be wearing these scars... For everyone to see...
I didn't need the pain...
Once or twice was enough... And it was all in vain...
Time starts to pass...
Before you know it, you're frozen...
But something happened... For the very first time with you...
My heart melts into the ground...
Found something true...
And everyone's looking around...
Thinking that I'm going crazy...
But I don't care what they say...
I'm in LOVE with you... They try to pull me away...
But they don't know the truth...
My heart's crippled by the vein...
That i keep on closing... You cut me open and I......
Keep bleding.. Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
I keep bleeding.. I keep, keep, bleeding LOVE...
Keep bleeding... Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
You cut me open...
Trying hard not to hear.. But they talk so loud...
Their piercing sounds fill my ears...
Try to fill me with doubt... Yet i know that the goal...
Is to keep me from falling...
But nothing's greater... Than the rush that comes with your embrace...
And in this world of loneliness...
I see your face.. Yet everyone around me...
Thinks that i'm going crazy... Maybe, maybe...
But I don't care what they say... I'm in LOVE with you...
They try to pull me away... but they don't know the truth...
My heart's crippled by the vein... That I keep on closing...
You cut me open and I....
Keep bleeding.. Keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
I keep bleeding... I keep, keep bleeding LOVE...
And it's draining all of me...
Oh, they find it hard to believe...
I'll be wearing these scars... For everyone to see...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY:
What makes people happy?
1) Having purpose - which means doing something in your life that has meaning for you.
2) Having hope - which means you have something to look forward to.
Even if your current circumstances are difficult, if you have hope that your effort will be rewarded and that thgs will improve, you can find happiness.
Happy ppl accept themselves as they are, so they can have a peace of mind.
And last but not least... Having someone to love...
"Happy people make a decision to be happy in spite of their problems..." :)
What makes people happy?
1) Having purpose - which means doing something in your life that has meaning for you.
2) Having hope - which means you have something to look forward to.
Even if your current circumstances are difficult, if you have hope that your effort will be rewarded and that thgs will improve, you can find happiness.
Happy ppl accept themselves as they are, so they can have a peace of mind.
And last but not least... Having someone to love...
"Happy people make a decision to be happy in spite of their problems..." :)
Friday, February 15, 2008
14th Feb 2008:
Today i'm so very happy and very suprised to get a bouquet of flowers/bear/chocs from him... Nvr expected it lor... Coz he's juz not that type... N some more its my first time to get this suprised...
I nearly died of heart attack coz i thot it was from someone else... haha...
Then ppl at Showtec were all asking me abt it... So paisey lor...
He already give me an mp3 as a present the day before... Plus a swensens treat..
That already costs a lot of money...
Yeah lor... I do believe that he loves me lots & lots more... more than anyone else...
But, why do i always doubt him?? Stupid of me ryte? Always kept on thinking of that damn guy.. I promise to love him more than ever after this...
Love you dear!!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL!!!
Today i'm so very happy and very suprised to get a bouquet of flowers/bear/chocs from him... Nvr expected it lor... Coz he's juz not that type... N some more its my first time to get this suprised...
I nearly died of heart attack coz i thot it was from someone else... haha...
Then ppl at Showtec were all asking me abt it... So paisey lor...
He already give me an mp3 as a present the day before... Plus a swensens treat..
That already costs a lot of money...
Yeah lor... I do believe that he loves me lots & lots more... more than anyone else...
But, why do i always doubt him?? Stupid of me ryte? Always kept on thinking of that damn guy.. I promise to love him more than ever after this...
Love you dear!!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL!!!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Friday, 18/01/08:
I've already know that its a bad sign if i've been sick for so long.
There is something bothering me.. and i can't just let it go.
And now to add to the list of ppl against my r'ship with him is Auntie!
I thought she supported him but aft she met him... It seems that she changes her mind.
I'm more worried coz...
Old ppl must know more than us... And she already said that when she met him at Bobby's wedding the other day, she can see that our face doesn't match as husband & wife (as in tkda iras that meants kita tkda jodoh..).
She only told me that's what she can see coz she already experience her 2 children going thru divorce n she told me that when at that pt of time she also told them the same thg and they still insist to get married and now they end up in a divorce.
But, she did told me to bring him to see my grandma and if my grandma is okay with him, she won't say anythg coz she insists that old ppl knows the best.
And why my 2nd sis is so against it...
My auntie is also against it... (Although she does not express it)...
Even his ex wife told him that she pity his FUTURE WIFE for marrying a guy like him. Somethg is definitely fishy here ryte?
As for me...
I kept feeling that i'm so stupid if i stay in a r'ship that doesn't makes me happy at all.. (Yeah, i'm definitely truly feels unhappy now!)
I'm bothered abt his past. I'm scared of the future.
Yeah its true that ppl can accept a divorcee.. And be happy with them.
But not:
A divorcee with lots of missing pieces in his life.
A divorcee with lots of things to clear and lots of probs to settle ryte.
A divorcee who somedays acts normal but other days acts weirdly.
And he doesn't even bother to convince me AT ALL that everythg is not true.
Doesn't even bother to reply to my anniversary wish. Yg the 2nd wish tu i can at least forgive him for not replying coz he's still sick.
But last nyte? There is no excuse ryte...
I have made a decision that i won't marry him as long as i'm not convince that he's the one for me.
I really hope Allah will give me a sign. Please... Just a sign.
I do not want to make a decision that i will regret all my life.
To be stuck in an unhappy marriage... that's the worst!!
Aft i've let out my feelings, i hope i will feel much more better.
I've already know that its a bad sign if i've been sick for so long.
There is something bothering me.. and i can't just let it go.
And now to add to the list of ppl against my r'ship with him is Auntie!
I thought she supported him but aft she met him... It seems that she changes her mind.
I'm more worried coz...
Old ppl must know more than us... And she already said that when she met him at Bobby's wedding the other day, she can see that our face doesn't match as husband & wife (as in tkda iras that meants kita tkda jodoh..).
She only told me that's what she can see coz she already experience her 2 children going thru divorce n she told me that when at that pt of time she also told them the same thg and they still insist to get married and now they end up in a divorce.
But, she did told me to bring him to see my grandma and if my grandma is okay with him, she won't say anythg coz she insists that old ppl knows the best.
And why my 2nd sis is so against it...
My auntie is also against it... (Although she does not express it)...
Even his ex wife told him that she pity his FUTURE WIFE for marrying a guy like him. Somethg is definitely fishy here ryte?
As for me...
I kept feeling that i'm so stupid if i stay in a r'ship that doesn't makes me happy at all.. (Yeah, i'm definitely truly feels unhappy now!)
I'm bothered abt his past. I'm scared of the future.
Yeah its true that ppl can accept a divorcee.. And be happy with them.
But not:
A divorcee with lots of missing pieces in his life.
A divorcee with lots of things to clear and lots of probs to settle ryte.
A divorcee who somedays acts normal but other days acts weirdly.
And he doesn't even bother to convince me AT ALL that everythg is not true.
Doesn't even bother to reply to my anniversary wish. Yg the 2nd wish tu i can at least forgive him for not replying coz he's still sick.
But last nyte? There is no excuse ryte...
I have made a decision that i won't marry him as long as i'm not convince that he's the one for me.
I really hope Allah will give me a sign. Please... Just a sign.
I do not want to make a decision that i will regret all my life.
To be stuck in an unhappy marriage... that's the worst!!
Aft i've let out my feelings, i hope i will feel much more better.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
01/01/2008 Tuesday.
I think i must be going crazy now...
Much more crazier than before.
Coz despite of what the ppl ard him are saying abt him & his dark past (which i dunno how to react when hearing the NEWS), i'm still sticking by his side till today...
Maybe it's just that i dun have the heart to tell him.
And i dun wanna brought up the subject to him in case it creates more probs between us that can arise frm this whole damn complicated situation.
So i juz kept quiet & acts extra happy. Haha!
Plus, i've already promised his family to take care of him.. forever?
Now, its the other way around pulak..
So, i have decided to give him another chance for 2008.
Coz maybe life has been unfair towards him.
Maybe he did that thgs coz he's not even aware of the situation.
Maybe he did not even remember what he did in the past...
That's why i'm so happy yesterday coz i was hoping that we can start a new beginning together.
My resolution for 2008 is for me to be happy always, cry lesser & earns lots & lots of money for my future.
I hope that i'm able to love him more than my love towards him now...
Coz i'm definitely convinced that he loves me more than i do. :(
Sometimes when i look at him, i still wonder whether is he really my jodoh?
And why did God pick him out of all as my jodoh?
And as for what i know, everythg happens for a reason...
And if di-takdirkan he will be my jodoh later on & become my husband...
I will have to accept him with all my heart.
I will not write a blog anymore in case if one day he reads it.
Coz i won't have him knowing all my thoughts & what's inside my mind anymore.
It doesn't matter if i'm the one suffering & worrying alone.
No matter what, i must know him more than he knows me.
This blog is supposed to be a private thing.
Unless if there is really a need to then i will write but only abt happy thgs.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!
May the new year brings more happiness & prosperity to this world.
I think i must be going crazy now...
Much more crazier than before.
Coz despite of what the ppl ard him are saying abt him & his dark past (which i dunno how to react when hearing the NEWS), i'm still sticking by his side till today...
Maybe it's just that i dun have the heart to tell him.
And i dun wanna brought up the subject to him in case it creates more probs between us that can arise frm this whole damn complicated situation.
So i juz kept quiet & acts extra happy. Haha!
Plus, i've already promised his family to take care of him.. forever?
Now, its the other way around pulak..
So, i have decided to give him another chance for 2008.
Coz maybe life has been unfair towards him.
Maybe he did that thgs coz he's not even aware of the situation.
Maybe he did not even remember what he did in the past...
That's why i'm so happy yesterday coz i was hoping that we can start a new beginning together.
My resolution for 2008 is for me to be happy always, cry lesser & earns lots & lots of money for my future.
I hope that i'm able to love him more than my love towards him now...
Coz i'm definitely convinced that he loves me more than i do. :(
Sometimes when i look at him, i still wonder whether is he really my jodoh?
And why did God pick him out of all as my jodoh?
And as for what i know, everythg happens for a reason...
And if di-takdirkan he will be my jodoh later on & become my husband...
I will have to accept him with all my heart.
I will not write a blog anymore in case if one day he reads it.
Coz i won't have him knowing all my thoughts & what's inside my mind anymore.
It doesn't matter if i'm the one suffering & worrying alone.
No matter what, i must know him more than he knows me.
This blog is supposed to be a private thing.
Unless if there is really a need to then i will write but only abt happy thgs.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!
May the new year brings more happiness & prosperity to this world.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
IS LOVE JUST AN ILLUSION?
28/12/2007 Friday:
Its nearly the ending of 2007...
I had came across a very good blog today from a guy's perspectives of love...
I will copy & paste it here:
If true love exists, why do we fall in & out of love? If we are now ‘in love’ with someone new, does that mean our past relationships were just lies, or products of our minds?
I believe that while some love relationships are genuine, others are merely illusions supported by our beliefs.
A gal may convince herself she is in love with a guy because he happens to satisfy her criteria of an ideal partner. Likewise, a guy may believe he loves a gal because he is lonely and longs for a love relationship.
So how do you tell if yours is for real? Only YOU can answer that.
Can you stop loving a person and love another? Yes, definitely.
Does that make you a fickle person? Not necessarily.
Love, as in any relationship, has its upswings and downswings, and quite often, it fails.
You may stop loving the person completely or you may choose to quit the relationship, even if feelings still exist. Perhaps staying on would have destroyed whatever love is left. Perhaps continuing the relationship will only ruin your future. So you quit the relationship. But did you quit on LOVE?
I’ve been through a few failed long-term relationships. One was doomed because I was naïve. Another got nipped in the bud because SHE was naïve. Third one went bust because the illusion it was based on could no longer be sustained. A forth crashed because time revealed the ‘love’ to be nothing more than a close friendship. *sigh*
If true love does exist, how could we love one person after another? I admit I loved every single one of my ex-es, albeit each differently. I still think of them & wish them well. But my heart remains mine to give. And I have.
To the one I pray will be my true companion, who will walk life’s winding road with me till death do us part.
So.. now it makes me wonder if i had 4 ex-es, do i love all of them?
The answer is a definite NO.
I've only truly love a person only (going to two if it includes my current guy) and aft that it was only a mutual feeling of Like+Sayang+Blinded.
Then hw abt all the other guys who claimed to love me?
That's when i have to be smart & differenciate between Love with Lust.
Guys will always wanna get to know/be in a r'ship with a gal with a great body & if she comes with a beautiful/sweet/pretty face & fair skin then its consider a bonus.
So does that means that they Love me?
Definitely no ryte... As if i'm that stupid.
I'm not a bimbo okay... But yes, i used to be a fool.
Coz i've always hope & dreamt of r'ship sort of like the fairytales & romance novels/dramas/movies.
So when i'm face with cold truth abt the real deal with r'ships in the real world...
I'm a bit taken aback. And sumtimes i can feel that i'm completely disgusted with men that are totally into sex.
But, when i think again, sex is actually a great thing for bonding & chemistry between couples but it's only when both parties truly love each other & not doing it half heartedly.
Dats why i'm always reluctant to go on first dates & only went out as far as one date with most guys.
Because i know that they will only lust after me and that is not Love.
How many handsome, boyish, gd looking matreps have i gone out with?
A LOT! And they are highly sought after by other gerls i'm sure.
But. Most of these types are not the type to fall in love.
Or rather they just want a trophy gf that can satisfy their lust.
One fine example is Zali. I think he considers me a trophy gf that he can show off to his frenz plus i'm like so stupid to continue & stay with gd for nothing guy like him ryte.
That's why i often wonder why people who made a sacred vow during marriage can break their promise so easily...
Do they take it so un-seriously? Or did they simply choose the wrong ones?
But why during the courtship, they didn't realized that they are not meant to be together? Why realized it aft marriage?
It is such a complicated thing ryte?
Plus if u hav made a grand wedding & such.. When ur relatives & frenz had all known abt it... Its not like u're in r'ship where not everyone will know abt it. And you will be embarassed & it will affect your future r'ship in a lot of ways.
"After a divorce, i can see that at least one party will suffer more that the other.
And all i can say is that it takes a lot of patience & encouragement & definitely true love for someone to be with a divorcee."
I will write abt my 2008 resolutions in my next entry. :)
Its nearly the ending of 2007...
I had came across a very good blog today from a guy's perspectives of love...
I will copy & paste it here:
If true love exists, why do we fall in & out of love? If we are now ‘in love’ with someone new, does that mean our past relationships were just lies, or products of our minds?
I believe that while some love relationships are genuine, others are merely illusions supported by our beliefs.
A gal may convince herself she is in love with a guy because he happens to satisfy her criteria of an ideal partner. Likewise, a guy may believe he loves a gal because he is lonely and longs for a love relationship.
So how do you tell if yours is for real? Only YOU can answer that.
Can you stop loving a person and love another? Yes, definitely.
Does that make you a fickle person? Not necessarily.
Love, as in any relationship, has its upswings and downswings, and quite often, it fails.
You may stop loving the person completely or you may choose to quit the relationship, even if feelings still exist. Perhaps staying on would have destroyed whatever love is left. Perhaps continuing the relationship will only ruin your future. So you quit the relationship. But did you quit on LOVE?
I’ve been through a few failed long-term relationships. One was doomed because I was naïve. Another got nipped in the bud because SHE was naïve. Third one went bust because the illusion it was based on could no longer be sustained. A forth crashed because time revealed the ‘love’ to be nothing more than a close friendship. *sigh*
If true love does exist, how could we love one person after another? I admit I loved every single one of my ex-es, albeit each differently. I still think of them & wish them well. But my heart remains mine to give. And I have.
To the one I pray will be my true companion, who will walk life’s winding road with me till death do us part.
So.. now it makes me wonder if i had 4 ex-es, do i love all of them?
The answer is a definite NO.
I've only truly love a person only (going to two if it includes my current guy) and aft that it was only a mutual feeling of Like+Sayang+Blinded.
Then hw abt all the other guys who claimed to love me?
That's when i have to be smart & differenciate between Love with Lust.
Guys will always wanna get to know/be in a r'ship with a gal with a great body & if she comes with a beautiful/sweet/pretty face & fair skin then its consider a bonus.
So does that means that they Love me?
Definitely no ryte... As if i'm that stupid.
I'm not a bimbo okay... But yes, i used to be a fool.
Coz i've always hope & dreamt of r'ship sort of like the fairytales & romance novels/dramas/movies.
So when i'm face with cold truth abt the real deal with r'ships in the real world...
I'm a bit taken aback. And sumtimes i can feel that i'm completely disgusted with men that are totally into sex.
But, when i think again, sex is actually a great thing for bonding & chemistry between couples but it's only when both parties truly love each other & not doing it half heartedly.
Dats why i'm always reluctant to go on first dates & only went out as far as one date with most guys.
Because i know that they will only lust after me and that is not Love.
How many handsome, boyish, gd looking matreps have i gone out with?
A LOT! And they are highly sought after by other gerls i'm sure.
But. Most of these types are not the type to fall in love.
Or rather they just want a trophy gf that can satisfy their lust.
One fine example is Zali. I think he considers me a trophy gf that he can show off to his frenz plus i'm like so stupid to continue & stay with gd for nothing guy like him ryte.
That's why i often wonder why people who made a sacred vow during marriage can break their promise so easily...
Do they take it so un-seriously? Or did they simply choose the wrong ones?
But why during the courtship, they didn't realized that they are not meant to be together? Why realized it aft marriage?
It is such a complicated thing ryte?
Plus if u hav made a grand wedding & such.. When ur relatives & frenz had all known abt it... Its not like u're in r'ship where not everyone will know abt it. And you will be embarassed & it will affect your future r'ship in a lot of ways.
"After a divorce, i can see that at least one party will suffer more that the other.
And all i can say is that it takes a lot of patience & encouragement & definitely true love for someone to be with a divorcee."
I will write abt my 2008 resolutions in my next entry. :)
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
I am truly grateful to you for giving my boyfriend back to me.
Thank you!
But.. i'm kinda dissapointed to hear another story from him..
Everytime its a different story that dissapoints me.
I think its best that i don't hear anymore stories from his past that can affects the r'ship.
Thats all.
We shld all look forward to the future.
Thank you!
But.. i'm kinda dissapointed to hear another story from him..
Everytime its a different story that dissapoints me.
I think its best that i don't hear anymore stories from his past that can affects the r'ship.
Thats all.
We shld all look forward to the future.
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