I dunno what I'm feeling now...
Instead of being happy for me...
Somebody asks me juz now...
"WHY AM I SO DESPERATE TO GET MARRIED?"
Why do I really wanted to get married SO early? Is 24 too early?
Is there such a question exists in my dictionary?
And what I dun understand is... it comes from a married person...
And she is forced to be married... And don't really wanna be married...
Nowadays.. Couples are likely to be forced to be married or terpaksa married...
And I'm not in both categories...
Am I really too clueless?
She keeps on saying abt negative thgs abt marriage (mayb its what she's experiencing now)... Literally like wanted me to chg my mind?
I've done lots of thinking and I've read lots of books...
Me and him had alwayz talk thgs out together...
I've heard n seen lots of experiences...
So what am i lacking? How is it that i'm not ready for marriage?
What is MARRIAGE?
Its alwayz been something that I dream of...
Like practically everthg that I could wish for...
You wld really really really want for a guy to love & protect you...
For the rest of your life...
Start a happy family of your own... Juz continue to live life the way that you want...
Helping others... Seek fulfillment in life...
I dunno hw I got it.. But maybe its from the unhappiness that I experience during my late childhood n almost all my teens yrs and having a happy & beautiful dream is somethg that I really look forward too... (I'm crying as I write this)
Its somethg that I really want... And I hope that I could marry as early as 21...
So that the 21 yrs that I've wasted living in a life that I do not seek...
Will be compensated with the life aft the marriage... Which will be a happy one...
Now I'm already 3 yrs late... But I nvr complain...
I'm still thankful that God met me with somebody that I love and comfortable with not too late...
And the most important is to find your dream guy that you wanna get married with...
And Ridzwan Bin Salim.. He... Is the dream guy... that exists in my life.....
And if my dream guy had already appeared in front of me, is it so wrong for me to want to get married??
I'm so upset right now... I literally cannot write properly with tears in my eyes...
Ppl are making my life so difficult... And all I ever wanted is to get married to someone that I love... Its that such a hard thg to do?
Its better than living in a life of sin... Such as couples co-habiting together...
Ppl doesn't really know me.. What am i feeling? Only I, know myself well...
I really don't get it why ppl doesn't believe in me... keep on hoping to see me fail, wanting me to make a mistake, to regret my decision... But I WONT regret what I've chosen...
I will ALWAYS choose to be married over anythg else... Over career, over a modelling contract, over a celebrity status, over anythg... Provided its with the right guy...
If I'm convinced that he is the one for me, then why shld ppl worry?
There are bounds to be problems aft marriage.. Every marriage will go thru it... But I will do anythg for my marriage to be almost perfect...
I will endure practically everythg that will come in my way...
Even if one fine day, I have to face the most dreaded thg, his ex wife, I will admit to reality... that is my fate... N i won't run away from it... If his mum dun really like me, I will try to make her like me... If his relatives talk bad abt me, I cld still choose to ignore them....
If we had no money to survive, I will find a way to make money, try to control, eat rice n egg everyday... Dats fine with me...
Even if I do not know anythg, lacking in somethg, I willl try to improve myself, do almost everythg that I can do, will try my very best... To be an almost perfect wife.
Even if ppl will always talk.. I will try to close both ears.. pretend not to listen... Dun mind other people's business...
As long as I could wake up, every single day with Ridzwan Bin Salim, beside me....
*Time at 1230 am on 20th of March 2009.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
I really really hate it when he make that kind of tone early in the morning.
Really spoil my mood for the day. I sms him so nicely.. And even if he's so slow to get the msg, then juz drop it till later... Nie tak, nk agitated early in the morning....
Ckp bkn2... mcm aku tk tau, dia tu cepat agitated padahal benda actually tkda pape...
N all b'coz of dat stupid ring.. N no need to bring his mum in the subject lah..
Aku pon tk tau lah mcm mana kalau both side mcm lain2 pendapat. Geram!!!
Dis is all wan's fault. Dia tk tau nk handle situation n nvr understands dats y keadaan jadi mcm gini.
Dia as the person who's getting married, hw cld he be so so blur??
At least he must initially got an idea on what to expect kan??
Stupid!! Geram sey!! Spoil the mood for everythg!!!
Really spoil my mood for the day. I sms him so nicely.. And even if he's so slow to get the msg, then juz drop it till later... Nie tak, nk agitated early in the morning....
Ckp bkn2... mcm aku tk tau, dia tu cepat agitated padahal benda actually tkda pape...
N all b'coz of dat stupid ring.. N no need to bring his mum in the subject lah..
Aku pon tk tau lah mcm mana kalau both side mcm lain2 pendapat. Geram!!!
Dis is all wan's fault. Dia tk tau nk handle situation n nvr understands dats y keadaan jadi mcm gini.
Dia as the person who's getting married, hw cld he be so so blur??
At least he must initially got an idea on what to expect kan??
Stupid!! Geram sey!! Spoil the mood for everythg!!!
Monday, March 16, 2009
I'm so happy nowadays...
There's nothing more that I could wish for other than this...
It felt so blissful... Another a yr more to go before I cld become his wife...
To start a brand new life together... Is there anythg more that is missing??
I've found my other half.. And he loves me very much... It feels so blessed...
Thk you Allah...
Yippee!!
There's nothing more that I could wish for other than this...
It felt so blissful... Another a yr more to go before I cld become his wife...
To start a brand new life together... Is there anythg more that is missing??
I've found my other half.. And he loves me very much... It feels so blessed...
Thk you Allah...
Yippee!!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Today... is one of the happiest day in my life...
Wan... he suddenly so interested on asking me questions abt wedding...
Hmm... weird kan.. Alih2 tanya psl mak andam...
So i guess dat his mum had agreed!
Kalau tk, tkkan his mum nk rekemen kan jiran dia...
N then siap bwk catalogue lage.. I've nvr felt the happiest...
Tak sangka like so fast... Now must work hard n plan everythg smoothly...
At last.. my dream has come true!!! Amin...
Now I cld sleep peacefully at night...
Wan... he suddenly so interested on asking me questions abt wedding...
Hmm... weird kan.. Alih2 tanya psl mak andam...
So i guess dat his mum had agreed!
Kalau tk, tkkan his mum nk rekemen kan jiran dia...
N then siap bwk catalogue lage.. I've nvr felt the happiest...
Tak sangka like so fast... Now must work hard n plan everythg smoothly...
At last.. my dream has come true!!! Amin...
Now I cld sleep peacefully at night...
Monday, March 9, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Quoted from the book: What SMART COUPLES know.
Relationship success is dependent both on what you do as well as on who you are.
Think about this:
1) Would your relationship run more smoothly if you sharpened your ability to read and understand your partner's feelings?
2) Would you feel better if you could show your partner that you're tuned in to him/her?
3) If you two had more positive than negative interactions, and were more opmtimistic abt the r'ship, would thgs improve?
4) Would it improve thgs for the two of you if you read your partner's "signal" more accurately?
5) Would thgs be better if you could both clearly identify and then appropriately express your own emotions?
6) Would things change for the better if the two of you showed more emphathy and compassion for each other?
7) Would it feel better if you admired and valued each other more?
Well, of course everyone want these thgs in their r'ship. Be assured that you can have thgs this way by using your EQ.
Nine Components of EQ:
1) Being Self Aware and having self knowledge.
2) Knowing, understanding, regulating and managing your emotions and expressing them appropriately.
3) Emphathizing and being attuned to others, esp your partner and dealing with them effectively.
4) Maintaining hope, positive thinking and an attitude of optimism.
5) Keeping distress from swamping your ability to think - Being able to override negative emotions.
6) Maintaning enthusiasm and persistence in the face of frustration or setbacks.
7) Maintaning a sense of self efficacy.
8) Delaying gratification and controlling or resisting your impulses.
9) Being Self Motivated.
Examples of Maturity:
1) Being patient, civil and kind.
2) Facing unpleasantness without bitterness
3) Being dependable
4) Maintaning personal integrity
5) Accepting responsibility for the outcome of your decisions
6) Displaying humility and the ability to say "I'm Sorry" or "I was Wrong"
7) Handling frustration and settling differences in non-destructive ways
8) Taking ownership or accountability of your actions.
Who Am I? The Beginning of the Journey
Nature Vs Nurture
Personalities are determined 50% by early life experiences and 50% by genetic heritage/physiology.
Early life effects on personality:
1) Alcoholism of one or both parents
2) Physical, emotional or sexual abuse
3) Emotional or physical neglect
4) Death of a parent/parents
5) Emotional or mental illness of one or both parents
6) Role reversals and "parentification" of a child
7) Overindulgence
8) Unclear limits or boundaries
9) Rigid, controlling or excessively strict atmosphere
10) Lack of love and affection
If you had a secure, stable, loving parents in a safe, appropriate environment, this is likely to have a positive effect on your personality formation.
Early attachment between yourself and early childhood influences your emotional expectations and major impact on your marriage and other adult relationships.
Anxious-ambivalent, Avoidant and Secure categories.
Self-Disclosure:
Sharing yourself with your partner.
Do you have trouble describing your behavior or personality accurately and naming your feelings?
Reasons for these (Check it if its true):
1) You may simply be unable to confide in your partner because you lack the language and awareness to describe yourself and your inner experiences.
2) You may be afraid to disclose because you have had painful experiences in sharing with others who had betray your trust.
3) You may feel its none of your partner's business.
4) You may have been brought up not to expose your dirty laundry to public.
5) You may experience a general discomfort with vulnerability.
Positive Vs Negative thinking:
Positive thinkers make a better marital partner and positive thinking has a major effect on your emotional and physical health and the overal outcome of your life.
Friendship and Companionship
* Confiding and self disclosing with a sense of trust
* A willingness to be vulnerable
* Sharing of affections
* Spending time together and being companions
* Showing emotional support
* Being loyal and defending your partner in his/her absence
* Being tolerant and accepting of each other's friends
* Engaging in regular CONVERSATIONS
* Accepting each other's uniqueness
* Communicating appreciation and expressing kindness and being courteous to each other
* Being honest but with careful criticism
LOVE: Taking Pleasure in Another's Happiness
Self-Esteem: CAN I LOVE YOU IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME?
Self love =Great Self esteem
Signs of Insecurity:
1) Defensiveness
2) Jealousy
3) Possessiveness
4) Unwillingness to be accountable
5) Attitude of blaming
6) Competitiveness
7) Passiveness
8) Need for control
9) Desire to win
10) Erratic emotionality
Supporting your partner's autonomy:
* Respecting your partner's point of view
* Encouraging choice and initiative
* Communicating in a non controlling ways
* Offering positive feedback
* Allowing space or time alone for his/her personal pursuits
Individuals with good self esteem:
- Feel confident in most situations
- Comfortable in being alone
- Are not overly dependent upon others
- Are hopeful and optimistic
- Are capable experiencing intimacy
- Know and their personal power
- Experience joy in life
- Enjoy the successes of others
- Are able to forgive
- Are not critical and judgemental of others
- Can identify and correct their mistakes
- Can relate to their "inner selves"
- Avoid ppl pleasing and caretaking
- Are compassionate but avoid pitying
How parents influential adult influence you:
1) The feelings of others are very important, or feelings of others does not matter.
2) It can be rewarding to be close to people or dangerous to be close to people.
3) Everyone feelings are important, even yours or my feelings matter more than yours.
4) Life can be a challenge but we can handle it or life is too difficult.
5) Listen to your heart and emotions as well as thoughts or use your head not your heart.
ETC
Characteristics of person addicted to alcohol or drugs:
1) Inappropriate acting out
2) Impulsivity
3) Intolerance and Impatience
4) Lack of motivation or ambition
5) Giving up easily
6) Blaming others
7) Hopelessness
8) Excessive anger
9) Unpredictability
10) Insensitivity or obliviousness to feeling of others
Common examples of things of high EQ you could practise with your partner:
- Can you tell me what you're feeling right now?
- Can you help me understand why you did it that way?
- What are/were you intending?
- Can you please clarify what you mean?
Learn to listen - Most important ingredient in emphathy and attunement.
Listening with the ears and soul:
- Are you able to focus your full attention on the other person?
- Can you listen to critiscisms of yourself?
- Can you listen for feelings?
- Do you find listening to feelings uncomfortable?
- Are you able to stay genuinely focused and attentive and not just pretend to listen?
- Do you acknowledge what your partner is saying even if you disagree with it?
ETC
Being heard means being taken seriously.
It satisfies our needs... to feel connected to others...
The listener helps to confirm our common humanity...
The need to be known... understood and accepted by someone who really listens is meat and drink to the human heart...
Relationship success is dependent both on what you do as well as on who you are.
Think about this:
1) Would your relationship run more smoothly if you sharpened your ability to read and understand your partner's feelings?
2) Would you feel better if you could show your partner that you're tuned in to him/her?
3) If you two had more positive than negative interactions, and were more opmtimistic abt the r'ship, would thgs improve?
4) Would it improve thgs for the two of you if you read your partner's "signal" more accurately?
5) Would thgs be better if you could both clearly identify and then appropriately express your own emotions?
6) Would things change for the better if the two of you showed more emphathy and compassion for each other?
7) Would it feel better if you admired and valued each other more?
Well, of course everyone want these thgs in their r'ship. Be assured that you can have thgs this way by using your EQ.
Nine Components of EQ:
1) Being Self Aware and having self knowledge.
2) Knowing, understanding, regulating and managing your emotions and expressing them appropriately.
3) Emphathizing and being attuned to others, esp your partner and dealing with them effectively.
4) Maintaining hope, positive thinking and an attitude of optimism.
5) Keeping distress from swamping your ability to think - Being able to override negative emotions.
6) Maintaning enthusiasm and persistence in the face of frustration or setbacks.
7) Maintaning a sense of self efficacy.
8) Delaying gratification and controlling or resisting your impulses.
9) Being Self Motivated.
Examples of Maturity:
1) Being patient, civil and kind.
2) Facing unpleasantness without bitterness
3) Being dependable
4) Maintaning personal integrity
5) Accepting responsibility for the outcome of your decisions
6) Displaying humility and the ability to say "I'm Sorry" or "I was Wrong"
7) Handling frustration and settling differences in non-destructive ways
8) Taking ownership or accountability of your actions.
Who Am I? The Beginning of the Journey
Nature Vs Nurture
Personalities are determined 50% by early life experiences and 50% by genetic heritage/physiology.
Early life effects on personality:
1) Alcoholism of one or both parents
2) Physical, emotional or sexual abuse
3) Emotional or physical neglect
4) Death of a parent/parents
5) Emotional or mental illness of one or both parents
6) Role reversals and "parentification" of a child
7) Overindulgence
8) Unclear limits or boundaries
9) Rigid, controlling or excessively strict atmosphere
10) Lack of love and affection
If you had a secure, stable, loving parents in a safe, appropriate environment, this is likely to have a positive effect on your personality formation.
Early attachment between yourself and early childhood influences your emotional expectations and major impact on your marriage and other adult relationships.
Anxious-ambivalent, Avoidant and Secure categories.
Self-Disclosure:
Sharing yourself with your partner.
Do you have trouble describing your behavior or personality accurately and naming your feelings?
Reasons for these (Check it if its true):
1) You may simply be unable to confide in your partner because you lack the language and awareness to describe yourself and your inner experiences.
2) You may be afraid to disclose because you have had painful experiences in sharing with others who had betray your trust.
3) You may feel its none of your partner's business.
4) You may have been brought up not to expose your dirty laundry to public.
5) You may experience a general discomfort with vulnerability.
Positive Vs Negative thinking:
Positive thinkers make a better marital partner and positive thinking has a major effect on your emotional and physical health and the overal outcome of your life.
Friendship and Companionship
* Confiding and self disclosing with a sense of trust
* A willingness to be vulnerable
* Sharing of affections
* Spending time together and being companions
* Showing emotional support
* Being loyal and defending your partner in his/her absence
* Being tolerant and accepting of each other's friends
* Engaging in regular CONVERSATIONS
* Accepting each other's uniqueness
* Communicating appreciation and expressing kindness and being courteous to each other
* Being honest but with careful criticism
LOVE: Taking Pleasure in Another's Happiness
Self-Esteem: CAN I LOVE YOU IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME?
Self love =Great Self esteem
Signs of Insecurity:
1) Defensiveness
2) Jealousy
3) Possessiveness
4) Unwillingness to be accountable
5) Attitude of blaming
6) Competitiveness
7) Passiveness
8) Need for control
9) Desire to win
10) Erratic emotionality
Supporting your partner's autonomy:
* Respecting your partner's point of view
* Encouraging choice and initiative
* Communicating in a non controlling ways
* Offering positive feedback
* Allowing space or time alone for his/her personal pursuits
Individuals with good self esteem:
- Feel confident in most situations
- Comfortable in being alone
- Are not overly dependent upon others
- Are hopeful and optimistic
- Are capable experiencing intimacy
- Know and their personal power
- Experience joy in life
- Enjoy the successes of others
- Are able to forgive
- Are not critical and judgemental of others
- Can identify and correct their mistakes
- Can relate to their "inner selves"
- Avoid ppl pleasing and caretaking
- Are compassionate but avoid pitying
How parents influential adult influence you:
1) The feelings of others are very important, or feelings of others does not matter.
2) It can be rewarding to be close to people or dangerous to be close to people.
3) Everyone feelings are important, even yours or my feelings matter more than yours.
4) Life can be a challenge but we can handle it or life is too difficult.
5) Listen to your heart and emotions as well as thoughts or use your head not your heart.
ETC
Characteristics of person addicted to alcohol or drugs:
1) Inappropriate acting out
2) Impulsivity
3) Intolerance and Impatience
4) Lack of motivation or ambition
5) Giving up easily
6) Blaming others
7) Hopelessness
8) Excessive anger
9) Unpredictability
10) Insensitivity or obliviousness to feeling of others
Common examples of things of high EQ you could practise with your partner:
- Can you tell me what you're feeling right now?
- Can you help me understand why you did it that way?
- What are/were you intending?
- Can you please clarify what you mean?
Learn to listen - Most important ingredient in emphathy and attunement.
Listening with the ears and soul:
- Are you able to focus your full attention on the other person?
- Can you listen to critiscisms of yourself?
- Can you listen for feelings?
- Do you find listening to feelings uncomfortable?
- Are you able to stay genuinely focused and attentive and not just pretend to listen?
- Do you acknowledge what your partner is saying even if you disagree with it?
ETC
Being heard means being taken seriously.
It satisfies our needs... to feel connected to others...
The listener helps to confirm our common humanity...
The need to be known... understood and accepted by someone who really listens is meat and drink to the human heart...
Monday, March 2, 2009
Today is a bad bad monday... Monday blues today...
First: I am still mad at Wan. This is worst.
Second: I am late today and even later coz I can't deposit my money in all the deposit machines!! I am puzzled...
Third: Joanna tried and she can't transfer thru internet banking too.
Fourth: I dun feel hungry today. Luckily its not too bz at work.
Fifth: My money seems missing.. but its juz me who spends too much in such a little time.
Sixth: M1 barred my outgoing calls and smses just b'coz of a few outstandings!! Geram.
Seventh: Wan alwayz nk act as if nothing had happened!! Geram!!
Eight: Found out that POSB had terminate my acct juz b'coz i dun have minimum balance for 3 consecutive months. And they only manage to deduct one dollar!!!
Nineth: My giros are all affected!! And I dun wanna pay extra!!!
Tenth: I look ugly today with one eye swollen, jerawat at nose yg tk kecik2 and tudung tk betol!!
But... one single lining is that.. my BONUS is nearer and nearer... hehe...
Amin...
First: I am still mad at Wan. This is worst.
Second: I am late today and even later coz I can't deposit my money in all the deposit machines!! I am puzzled...
Third: Joanna tried and she can't transfer thru internet banking too.
Fourth: I dun feel hungry today. Luckily its not too bz at work.
Fifth: My money seems missing.. but its juz me who spends too much in such a little time.
Sixth: M1 barred my outgoing calls and smses just b'coz of a few outstandings!! Geram.
Seventh: Wan alwayz nk act as if nothing had happened!! Geram!!
Eight: Found out that POSB had terminate my acct juz b'coz i dun have minimum balance for 3 consecutive months. And they only manage to deduct one dollar!!!
Nineth: My giros are all affected!! And I dun wanna pay extra!!!
Tenth: I look ugly today with one eye swollen, jerawat at nose yg tk kecik2 and tudung tk betol!!
But... one single lining is that.. my BONUS is nearer and nearer... hehe...
Amin...
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Today was a really really really sad day for me.
And Wan proves that he might not be worth it for me anymore.
Why wld he do that anyway? Playing the mp3 like he doesn't care, tknak layan aku bebual while i'm sadden with the news.
Did he loves doing that? Did he thinks that by doing that I wld love him more?
Abeh knape if he's the one who's angry, he shld drag it long while i'm angry for a short period of time only?
Why does he thinks that his mum likes me and consent to this marriage when
everybody can see that she's not.
Why? Why must this thg be happening to me??
Why does he likes to make me sad? I cried like crazy sia, the worst of all since i've known him, my eyes are swollen, i have a splitting headache...
And he doesnt makes life easier for me, he doesnt share my burden, he juz let it be...
I shld have known it... coz he simply doesnt care abt others.
As long as it does nt affects him, its fine with him... doesnt matter if i'm suffering inside.
Now what am i supposed to do?
Everythg is not going as what i think it shld be... sad... :(
And Wan proves that he might not be worth it for me anymore.
Why wld he do that anyway? Playing the mp3 like he doesn't care, tknak layan aku bebual while i'm sadden with the news.
Did he loves doing that? Did he thinks that by doing that I wld love him more?
Abeh knape if he's the one who's angry, he shld drag it long while i'm angry for a short period of time only?
Why does he thinks that his mum likes me and consent to this marriage when
everybody can see that she's not.
Why? Why must this thg be happening to me??
Why does he likes to make me sad? I cried like crazy sia, the worst of all since i've known him, my eyes are swollen, i have a splitting headache...
And he doesnt makes life easier for me, he doesnt share my burden, he juz let it be...
I shld have known it... coz he simply doesnt care abt others.
As long as it does nt affects him, its fine with him... doesnt matter if i'm suffering inside.
Now what am i supposed to do?
Everythg is not going as what i think it shld be... sad... :(
Thursday, February 26, 2009
One often wonders what is life all abt.
For me... its all abt happiness.. and love.
These are the two most important thgs in life.
Humans does nt live long... and so long as we are feeling happy and contented far more than sad or hatred or any unpure thots and feelings, at least half of our life, it's gd enough.. so that we could die in peace.
Why shld we think much abt all our probs every single day?
We are only making ourself more unhappy.
Juz let nature take it course.
When you do not have a choice and are force with an unhappy childhood, or are fated to be born into nt so happy/gd families... you shld not let failure brings u down.
And become what you are already born into.. and then let another child be born into the same kind of thg that you went thru.. and it will go all thru generations.
U muz try as u might, to seek the happiness that you really deserve.
Build a new life that you deserve. You might fail once or twice, but do not give up.
Do not care what other ppl think, as long as u, urself believe in what u do.
Live life like you wanted it to be... close one eye to thgs that you do not wish to see or hear.
I believe that with perserverence, there will be a reward.
And I hope that I too cld perservere and be rewarded.
For me... its all abt happiness.. and love.
These are the two most important thgs in life.
Humans does nt live long... and so long as we are feeling happy and contented far more than sad or hatred or any unpure thots and feelings, at least half of our life, it's gd enough.. so that we could die in peace.
Why shld we think much abt all our probs every single day?
We are only making ourself more unhappy.
Juz let nature take it course.
When you do not have a choice and are force with an unhappy childhood, or are fated to be born into nt so happy/gd families... you shld not let failure brings u down.
And become what you are already born into.. and then let another child be born into the same kind of thg that you went thru.. and it will go all thru generations.
U muz try as u might, to seek the happiness that you really deserve.
Build a new life that you deserve. You might fail once or twice, but do not give up.
Do not care what other ppl think, as long as u, urself believe in what u do.
Live life like you wanted it to be... close one eye to thgs that you do not wish to see or hear.
I believe that with perserverence, there will be a reward.
And I hope that I too cld perservere and be rewarded.
Please have some faith in us and let us seek our own happiness...
I hope everybody will stop it.
Amin.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Dear God...
I didn't meant to feel this way and I didn't even meant to be angry.
I only want him to understand & be responsible.
But I guess that he's not. He did not learn.
Anyway I dun wanna talk to him, say somethg not nice and make him upset.
Coz I knw that even if anythg, he loves me a lot.
I dun really mind he bought the mp3 as long as he knows what he have to do.
Mana lage important kan??
Cld he spend the rest of his life with his mp3?
Still in a few yrs benda tu akan rosak or go out of trend.
If his mum still make excuses, that means dia tk restu and then i will just take it as its not meant to be.
I didn't meant to feel this way and I didn't even meant to be angry.
I only want him to understand & be responsible.
But I guess that he's not. He did not learn.
Anyway I dun wanna talk to him, say somethg not nice and make him upset.
Coz I knw that even if anythg, he loves me a lot.
I dun really mind he bought the mp3 as long as he knows what he have to do.
Mana lage important kan??
Cld he spend the rest of his life with his mp3?
Still in a few yrs benda tu akan rosak or go out of trend.
If his mum still make excuses, that means dia tk restu and then i will just take it as its not meant to be.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
This past weeks had been hectic...
Slalu jumpa dia.. kita tk gaduh...
Tapi maybe the impact that his mum gives the red light is affecting me... Us...
N then valentines day.. I bought for him cookies (heart shape box) frm Famous Amos...
I feel kind of sad though...
He shld have make an effort... Even if he do not wanna buy me the watch kan...
He cld but somethg else... not necessarily expensive...
Still smp skrg pon tkda... mcm tkda initiative...
Not that memorable lah dis yr... last yr is the best.
At last jgk may nikah... Tk sangka jodoh dia dh tiba.. Dgn Man jgk...
Walaupon suasana sedih.. nt as expected...
Semoga berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat...
Nasib aku ntah bila lage...
Its kind of hectic... n that day we plan for our wedding carefully...
Write it in paper.. spend nearly 2 hrs plus...
I hope he knows hw to deal with his mum.. Mcm mana nk yakinkan his mum...
I hope all is not wasted...
Of course lah aku very very sad kalau his mum doesnt believe in us... In me.
Like aku tk ikhlas love wan...
Yupz... mmg aku muda... but i'm more mature... n we r comfortable with each other...
Aku tk expect wan to be a perfect bf... but he's already a great bf...
So what else do i ask for?
We cld communicate and accommodate each other. Like A Soulmate.
This week... bingit wk with my nenek... slalu tk faham...
I meant makin tua.. u shld be more relax n happy... not stress urself up more kan...
N then tk faham yg aku nie byk benda nk buat before aku 25..
Nie termsk educate wan mcm mana nk ckp dgn mak dia!!!
Stress tau aku... no support... except for frenz... Radea...
Still, bahu yg memikul lage susah...
Then busu n mak busu nk balik... I hav to prepare for the worst & endure...
Hopefully... this friday aft he talk, his mum will give us the green light!!!
Itu ajelah satu2 nya permintaan & doa aku...
Amin!!!
Slalu jumpa dia.. kita tk gaduh...
Tapi maybe the impact that his mum gives the red light is affecting me... Us...
N then valentines day.. I bought for him cookies (heart shape box) frm Famous Amos...
I feel kind of sad though...
He shld have make an effort... Even if he do not wanna buy me the watch kan...
He cld but somethg else... not necessarily expensive...
Still smp skrg pon tkda... mcm tkda initiative...
Not that memorable lah dis yr... last yr is the best.
At last jgk may nikah... Tk sangka jodoh dia dh tiba.. Dgn Man jgk...
Walaupon suasana sedih.. nt as expected...
Semoga berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat...
Nasib aku ntah bila lage...
Its kind of hectic... n that day we plan for our wedding carefully...
Write it in paper.. spend nearly 2 hrs plus...
I hope he knows hw to deal with his mum.. Mcm mana nk yakinkan his mum...
I hope all is not wasted...
Of course lah aku very very sad kalau his mum doesnt believe in us... In me.
Like aku tk ikhlas love wan...
Yupz... mmg aku muda... but i'm more mature... n we r comfortable with each other...
Aku tk expect wan to be a perfect bf... but he's already a great bf...
So what else do i ask for?
We cld communicate and accommodate each other. Like A Soulmate.
This week... bingit wk with my nenek... slalu tk faham...
I meant makin tua.. u shld be more relax n happy... not stress urself up more kan...
N then tk faham yg aku nie byk benda nk buat before aku 25..
Nie termsk educate wan mcm mana nk ckp dgn mak dia!!!
Stress tau aku... no support... except for frenz... Radea...
Still, bahu yg memikul lage susah...
Then busu n mak busu nk balik... I hav to prepare for the worst & endure...
Hopefully... this friday aft he talk, his mum will give us the green light!!!
Itu ajelah satu2 nya permintaan & doa aku...
Amin!!!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I will not make the same mistakes that you did.........
I will not let myself Cause my heart so much misery..........
I will not break the way you did,You fell so hard..........
I've learned the hard way.........
To never let it get that far.....
Because of you... I never stray too far from the sidewalk.....
Because of you... I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt...
Because of you... I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me...
Because of you... I am afraid......................
I lose my way...
And it's not too long before you point it out....
I cannot cry....
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes....
I'm forced to fake.. A smile, a laugh everyday of my life....
My heart can't possibly break....
When it wasn't even whole to start with....
Because of you...
I never stray too far from the sidewalk....
Because of you...
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt...
Because of you... I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me...
Because of you... I am afraid...
I watched you die.. I heard you cry every night in your sleep...
I was so young... You should have known better than to lean on me...
You never thought of anyone else... You just saw your pain...
And now I cry in the middle of the night...
For the same damn thing....
Because of you... I never stray too far from the sidewalk.....
Because of you... I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.
Because of you... I try my hardest just to forget everything.
Because of you... I don't know how to let anyone else in...
Because of you... I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty.
Because of you... I am afraid....
Because of you..........................
I will not let myself Cause my heart so much misery..........
I will not break the way you did,You fell so hard..........
I've learned the hard way.........
To never let it get that far.....
Because of you... I never stray too far from the sidewalk.....
Because of you... I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt...
Because of you... I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me...
Because of you... I am afraid......................
I lose my way...
And it's not too long before you point it out....
I cannot cry....
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes....
I'm forced to fake.. A smile, a laugh everyday of my life....
My heart can't possibly break....
When it wasn't even whole to start with....
Because of you...
I never stray too far from the sidewalk....
Because of you...
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt...
Because of you... I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me...
Because of you... I am afraid...
I watched you die.. I heard you cry every night in your sleep...
I was so young... You should have known better than to lean on me...
You never thought of anyone else... You just saw your pain...
And now I cry in the middle of the night...
For the same damn thing....
Because of you... I never stray too far from the sidewalk.....
Because of you... I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.
Because of you... I try my hardest just to forget everything.
Because of you... I don't know how to let anyone else in...
Because of you... I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty.
Because of you... I am afraid....
Because of you..........................
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Its hard for me to write down my feeling now...
Coz i've got so much to say...
I'm thinking of where does all these problems arises?
The answer:
N it stems from him and his selfishness, nt to ask his parents to meet my family.
Literally, to be honest, I've been waiting since late last year. N he kept on delaying it n act like nothing had happened. Everythg that he wishes for must go on. But my wish, he doesn't care.
N then he will start to say thgs/lines that wld hurt me... Like "you lah yg nk cepat sgt..", "u tk faham my parent.." n so on... N i wld hav to keep quiet n keep everythg to myself although it pains me.
I really2 am dissapointed with that n everytime i kept on getting upset n thinking y do i get a guy like him? Dats my only hope.
Knape dia tk understand? N then just b'coz of this one prob it will lead to others and unhappiness between us. But the unspoken prob will always be this.
The thg is just simple, if he doesnt wanna remarry and his parents dun wanna accept another daughter in law, then no need to bother finding a new one. Putting all responsibilities on her.
Giving hopes and dashing it. I really am hurt by him.
Coz i've got so much to say...
I'm thinking of where does all these problems arises?
The answer:
N it stems from him and his selfishness, nt to ask his parents to meet my family.
Literally, to be honest, I've been waiting since late last year. N he kept on delaying it n act like nothing had happened. Everythg that he wishes for must go on. But my wish, he doesn't care.
N then he will start to say thgs/lines that wld hurt me... Like "you lah yg nk cepat sgt..", "u tk faham my parent.." n so on... N i wld hav to keep quiet n keep everythg to myself although it pains me.
I really2 am dissapointed with that n everytime i kept on getting upset n thinking y do i get a guy like him? Dats my only hope.
Knape dia tk understand? N then just b'coz of this one prob it will lead to others and unhappiness between us. But the unspoken prob will always be this.
The thg is just simple, if he doesnt wanna remarry and his parents dun wanna accept another daughter in law, then no need to bother finding a new one. Putting all responsibilities on her.
Giving hopes and dashing it. I really am hurt by him.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
That day he and me had a heart to heart talk...
Abt religion and performing our duty as a muslim...
And we both agreed that we do not perform our duty well b'coz of we r not satisfy with our lives now and keep on committing sins... So jiwa kita tk tenang...
Well, he did agree that marriage cld solve the prob...
But y did he acts like dis alwayz?
I dun gain anythg much frm the marriage...
Juz the freedom to do my thgs at my own pace...
Aku hope dia sedar yg he's wrong... his method his wrong...
I dun blame his mum, but his attitude make it worst for his mum to believe him.
Abt religion and performing our duty as a muslim...
And we both agreed that we do not perform our duty well b'coz of we r not satisfy with our lives now and keep on committing sins... So jiwa kita tk tenang...
Well, he did agree that marriage cld solve the prob...
But y did he acts like dis alwayz?
I dun gain anythg much frm the marriage...
Juz the freedom to do my thgs at my own pace...
Aku hope dia sedar yg he's wrong... his method his wrong...
I dun blame his mum, but his attitude make it worst for his mum to believe him.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Dear Blog,
First of all.. I wanted to say that I'm really happy today... I get to mit my frenz and radea...
Its enough for me... Coz I know that there r ppl out there besides him who cld make me happy.
Its already too much for me to handle.
I've also talked to Dewi and learnt that thgs cannot go on this way...
She said that she if were me, she wld have leave the guy a long time ago...
Why am I not suprised? Since a lot of ppl have already said that obviously...
N I'm really sad that what I heard, rang true to my ears.
He's really nt someone who deserves to be loved.
He cld only hurt and make empty promises...
Mayb if I let it go now... It won't be too late...
I know what his thinkings are... Everythg is fine as long as everythg is fine.
Because he everythg is fine as long as his life goes smoothly.
But he cannot think frm his point of view only.
He cannot think based on his feelings only.
Because as a couple, you are supposed to be equal.
N... It's alwayz him who's making the mistake.
He wld just nvr learn.
First of all.. I wanted to say that I'm really happy today... I get to mit my frenz and radea...
Its enough for me... Coz I know that there r ppl out there besides him who cld make me happy.
Its already too much for me to handle.
I've also talked to Dewi and learnt that thgs cannot go on this way...
She said that she if were me, she wld have leave the guy a long time ago...
Why am I not suprised? Since a lot of ppl have already said that obviously...
N I'm really sad that what I heard, rang true to my ears.
He's really nt someone who deserves to be loved.
He cld only hurt and make empty promises...
Mayb if I let it go now... It won't be too late...
I know what his thinkings are... Everythg is fine as long as everythg is fine.
Because he everythg is fine as long as his life goes smoothly.
But he cannot think frm his point of view only.
He cannot think based on his feelings only.
Because as a couple, you are supposed to be equal.
N... It's alwayz him who's making the mistake.
He wld just nvr learn.
Why do I feel that it's all empty promises?
Why do I feel that he's not trying hard enough?
Why do I feel like hes not doing enough?
Why do I feel like he's faking it every single moment?
Why do I feel like he's lying through his teeth?
Why do I feel like he's such a failure?
Why do I feel this way?
Why am i thinking this way?
Why do I feel like he's not good enough?
Why does he question that he have to save more?
Why does he thinks that it's wrong?
Why is he being so calculative?
Why does he always feel that he's right?
Why does he always have to break my heart?
Why do I feel that he's not trying hard enough?
Why do I feel like hes not doing enough?
Why do I feel like he's faking it every single moment?
Why do I feel like he's lying through his teeth?
Why do I feel like he's such a failure?
Why do I feel this way?
Why am i thinking this way?
Why do I feel like he's not good enough?
Why does he question that he have to save more?
Why does he thinks that it's wrong?
Why is he being so calculative?
Why does he always feel that he's right?
Why does he always have to break my heart?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Hi Blog,
As you know... the reason why i'm here so late is because I'm upset today.
I'm very upset with him and his attitude.
He nvr cares abt my feelings...........
The prob is that....
I felt embarassed to admit it in front of everyone....
But my dream had always been to become somebody's wife...
I felt that it's such a great thing to be a wife. To have somebody beside you.
And maybe.. A mother too someday...
Dat will be my greatest achievement.
N i guess that he doesn't share my sentiments.
This is really a sad, sad world..
Ppl doesn't value r'ship as much.
Do they think that a partner is just a partner for plasure and sex?
Can't they think beyond that?
The emotional values that the r'ship holds?
I'm really sad do you know that.. He always take things so lightly coz he was a husband once and he didn't enjoy it.. Not with the right soulmate of course...
It really pains me. And his mum does not make thgs easier for me....
I guess he really love his life now.. So he didn't mind to take it easy.
But I have so many thgs to do, to achieved... N marriage will be a stepping stone.
But no.. He didn't understand that. He only cares abt himself.
I guess when you are couple, you have to learn not to be selfish and think of only yourself. N you must compromise and the greatest thg is for you to see your partner happy. But he doesn't see it that way..
Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic. Maybe I'm delusional.
But........................
I still hope that there's somebody out there who understands my plight.
IF really there is somebody better for me out there, pls let him find me. Amin..
As you know... the reason why i'm here so late is because I'm upset today.
I'm very upset with him and his attitude.
He nvr cares abt my feelings...........
The prob is that....
I felt embarassed to admit it in front of everyone....
But my dream had always been to become somebody's wife...
I felt that it's such a great thing to be a wife. To have somebody beside you.
And maybe.. A mother too someday...
Dat will be my greatest achievement.
N i guess that he doesn't share my sentiments.
This is really a sad, sad world..
Ppl doesn't value r'ship as much.
Do they think that a partner is just a partner for plasure and sex?
Can't they think beyond that?
The emotional values that the r'ship holds?
I'm really sad do you know that.. He always take things so lightly coz he was a husband once and he didn't enjoy it.. Not with the right soulmate of course...
It really pains me. And his mum does not make thgs easier for me....
I guess he really love his life now.. So he didn't mind to take it easy.
But I have so many thgs to do, to achieved... N marriage will be a stepping stone.
But no.. He didn't understand that. He only cares abt himself.
I guess when you are couple, you have to learn not to be selfish and think of only yourself. N you must compromise and the greatest thg is for you to see your partner happy. But he doesn't see it that way..
Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic. Maybe I'm delusional.
But........................
I still hope that there's somebody out there who understands my plight.
IF really there is somebody better for me out there, pls let him find me. Amin..
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