Quoted from the book: What SMART COUPLES know.

Relationship success is dependent both on what you do as well as on who you are.
Think about this:

1) Would your relationship run more smoothly if you sharpened your ability to read and understand your partner's feelings?

2) Would you feel better if you could show your partner that you're tuned in to him/her?

3) If you two had more positive than negative interactions, and were more opmtimistic abt the r'ship, would thgs improve?

4) Would it improve thgs for the two of you if you read your partner's "signal" more accurately?

5) Would thgs be better if you could both clearly identify and then appropriately express your own emotions?

6) Would things change for the better if the two of you showed more emphathy and compassion for each other?

7) Would it feel better if you admired and valued each other more?

Well, of course everyone want these thgs in their r'ship. Be assured that you can have thgs this way by using your EQ.

Nine Components of EQ:

1) Being Self Aware and having self knowledge.

2) Knowing, understanding, regulating and managing your emotions and expressing them appropriately.

3) Emphathizing and being attuned to others, esp your partner and dealing with them effectively.

4) Maintaining hope, positive thinking and an attitude of optimism.

5) Keeping distress from swamping your ability to think - Being able to override negative emotions.

6) Maintaning enthusiasm and persistence in the face of frustration or setbacks.

7) Maintaning a sense of self efficacy.

8) Delaying gratification and controlling or resisting your impulses.

9) Being Self Motivated.

Examples of Maturity:

1) Being patient, civil and kind.

2) Facing unpleasantness without bitterness

3) Being dependable

4) Maintaning personal integrity

5) Accepting responsibility for the outcome of your decisions

6) Displaying humility and the ability to say "I'm Sorry" or "I was Wrong"

7) Handling frustration and settling differences in non-destructive ways

8) Taking ownership or accountability of your actions.

Who Am I? The Beginning of the Journey

Nature Vs Nurture

Personalities are determined 50% by early life experiences and 50% by genetic heritage/physiology.

Early life effects on personality:

1) Alcoholism of one or both parents

2) Physical, emotional or sexual abuse

3) Emotional or physical neglect

4) Death of a parent/parents

5) Emotional or mental illness of one or both parents

6) Role reversals and "parentification" of a child

7) Overindulgence

8) Unclear limits or boundaries

9) Rigid, controlling or excessively strict atmosphere

10) Lack of love and affection

If you had a secure, stable, loving parents in a safe, appropriate environment, this is likely to have a positive effect on your personality formation.

Early attachment between yourself and early childhood influences your emotional expectations and major impact on your marriage and other adult relationships.

Anxious-ambivalent, Avoidant and Secure categories.

Self-Disclosure:

Sharing yourself with your partner.
Do you have trouble describing your behavior or personality accurately and naming your feelings?

Reasons for these (Check it if its true):

1) You may simply be unable to confide in your partner because you lack the language and awareness to describe yourself and your inner experiences.

2) You may be afraid to disclose because you have had painful experiences in sharing with others who had betray your trust.

3) You may feel its none of your partner's business.

4) You may have been brought up not to expose your dirty laundry to public.

5) You may experience a general discomfort with vulnerability.

Positive Vs Negative thinking:

Positive thinkers make a better marital partner and positive thinking has a major effect on your emotional and physical health and the overal outcome of your life.

Friendship and Companionship

* Confiding and self disclosing with a sense of trust

* A willingness to be vulnerable

* Sharing of affections

* Spending time together and being companions

* Showing emotional support

* Being loyal and defending your partner in his/her absence

* Being tolerant and accepting of each other's friends

* Engaging in regular CONVERSATIONS

* Accepting each other's uniqueness

* Communicating appreciation and expressing kindness and being courteous to each other

* Being honest but with careful criticism

LOVE: Taking Pleasure in Another's Happiness

Self-Esteem: CAN I LOVE YOU IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME?

Self love =Great Self esteem

Signs of Insecurity:

1) Defensiveness
2) Jealousy
3) Possessiveness
4) Unwillingness to be accountable
5) Attitude of blaming
6) Competitiveness
7) Passiveness
8) Need for control
9) Desire to win
10) Erratic emotionality

Supporting your partner's autonomy:

* Respecting your partner's point of view
* Encouraging choice and initiative
* Communicating in a non controlling ways
* Offering positive feedback
* Allowing space or time alone for his/her personal pursuits

Individuals with good self esteem:

- Feel confident in most situations
- Comfortable in being alone
- Are not overly dependent upon others
- Are hopeful and optimistic
- Are capable experiencing intimacy
- Know and their personal power
- Experience joy in life
- Enjoy the successes of others
- Are able to forgive
- Are not critical and judgemental of others
- Can identify and correct their mistakes
- Can relate to their "inner selves"
- Avoid ppl pleasing and caretaking
- Are compassionate but avoid pitying

How parents influential adult influence you:

1) The feelings of others are very important, or feelings of others does not matter.

2) It can be rewarding to be close to people or dangerous to be close to people.

3) Everyone feelings are important, even yours or my feelings matter more than yours.

4) Life can be a challenge but we can handle it or life is too difficult.

5) Listen to your heart and emotions as well as thoughts or use your head not your heart.

ETC

Characteristics of person addicted to alcohol or drugs:

1) Inappropriate acting out
2) Impulsivity
3) Intolerance and Impatience
4) Lack of motivation or ambition
5) Giving up easily
6) Blaming others
7) Hopelessness
8) Excessive anger
9) Unpredictability
10) Insensitivity or obliviousness to feeling of others

Common examples of things of high EQ you could practise with your partner:

- Can you tell me what you're feeling right now?
- Can you help me understand why you did it that way?
- What are/were you intending?
- Can you please clarify what you mean?

Learn to listen - Most important ingredient in emphathy and attunement.

Listening with the ears and soul:

- Are you able to focus your full attention on the other person?
- Can you listen to critiscisms of yourself?
- Can you listen for feelings?
- Do you find listening to feelings uncomfortable?
- Are you able to stay genuinely focused and attentive and not just pretend to listen?
- Do you acknowledge what your partner is saying even if you disagree with it?
ETC

Being heard means being taken seriously.
It satisfies our needs... to feel connected to others...
The listener helps to confirm our common humanity...
The need to be known... understood and accepted by someone who really listens is meat and drink to the human heart...

Today is a bad bad monday... Monday blues today...

First: I am still mad at Wan. This is worst.

Second: I am late today and even later coz I can't deposit my money in all the deposit machines!! I am puzzled...

Third: Joanna tried and she can't transfer thru internet banking too.

Fourth: I dun feel hungry today. Luckily its not too bz at work.

Fifth: My money seems missing.. but its juz me who spends too much in such a little time.

Sixth: M1 barred my outgoing calls and smses just b'coz of a few outstandings!! Geram.

Seventh: Wan alwayz nk act as if nothing had happened!! Geram!!

Eight: Found out that POSB had terminate my acct juz b'coz i dun have minimum balance for 3 consecutive months. And they only manage to deduct one dollar!!!

Nineth: My giros are all affected!! And I dun wanna pay extra!!!

Tenth: I look ugly today with one eye swollen, jerawat at nose yg tk kecik2 and tudung tk betol!!

But... one single lining is that.. my BONUS is nearer and nearer... hehe...
Amin...

Is he really the one for me?
I'm so confuse right now... and I dun wanna make the wrong choice...
Its already march...

Today was a really really really sad day for me.
And Wan proves that he might not be worth it for me anymore.
Why wld he do that anyway? Playing the mp3 like he doesn't care, tknak layan aku bebual while i'm sadden with the news.
Did he loves doing that? Did he thinks that by doing that I wld love him more?
Abeh knape if he's the one who's angry, he shld drag it long while i'm angry for a short period of time only?
Why does he thinks that his mum likes me and consent to this marriage when
everybody can see that she's not.
Why? Why must this thg be happening to me??
Why does he likes to make me sad? I cried like crazy sia, the worst of all since i've known him, my eyes are swollen, i have a splitting headache...
And he doesnt makes life easier for me, he doesnt share my burden, he juz let it be...
I shld have known it... coz he simply doesnt care abt others.
As long as it does nt affects him, its fine with him... doesnt matter if i'm suffering inside.
Now what am i supposed to do?
Everythg is not going as what i think it shld be... sad... :(

One often wonders what is life all abt.

For me... its all abt happiness.. and love.

These are the two most important thgs in life.

Humans does nt live long... and so long as we are feeling happy and contented far more than sad or hatred or any unpure thots and feelings, at least half of our life, it's gd enough.. so that we could die in peace.

Why shld we think much abt all our probs every single day?

We are only making ourself more unhappy.

Juz let nature take it course.

When you do not have a choice and are force with an unhappy childhood, or are fated to be born into nt so happy/gd families... you shld not let failure brings u down.

And become what you are already born into.. and then let another child be born into the same kind of thg that you went thru.. and it will go all thru generations.


U muz try as u might, to seek the happiness that you really deserve.

Build a new life that you deserve. You might fail once or twice, but do not give up.

Do not care what other ppl think, as long as u, urself believe in what u do.

Live life like you wanted it to be... close one eye to thgs that you do not wish to see or hear.

I believe that with perserverence, there will be a reward.

And I hope that I too cld perservere and be rewarded.

Please have some faith in us and let us seek our own happiness...

I hope everybody will stop it.
Amin.

I must do sumthg to chg my life.
Life is hard and everybody is not supportive of me.
I really hate this life...

I dun wanna be normal. I wanna be outstanding.
I want to be successful.
Pls God.. Help me. Just help me and I promise I will be a gd servant to you.
I will help others.

Dear God...

I didn't meant to feel this way and I didn't even meant to be angry.
I only want him to understand & be responsible.
But I guess that he's not. He did not learn.
Anyway I dun wanna talk to him, say somethg not nice and make him upset.
Coz I knw that even if anythg, he loves me a lot.

I dun really mind he bought the mp3 as long as he knows what he have to do.
Mana lage important kan??
Cld he spend the rest of his life with his mp3?
Still in a few yrs benda tu akan rosak or go out of trend.

If his mum still make excuses, that means dia tk restu and then i will just take it as its not meant to be.

This past weeks had been hectic...
Slalu jumpa dia.. kita tk gaduh...
Tapi maybe the impact that his mum gives the red light is affecting me... Us...

N then valentines day.. I bought for him cookies (heart shape box) frm Famous Amos...
I feel kind of sad though...
He shld have make an effort... Even if he do not wanna buy me the watch kan...
He cld but somethg else... not necessarily expensive...
Still smp skrg pon tkda... mcm tkda initiative...
Not that memorable lah dis yr... last yr is the best.

At last jgk may nikah... Tk sangka jodoh dia dh tiba.. Dgn Man jgk...
Walaupon suasana sedih.. nt as expected...
Semoga berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat...
Nasib aku ntah bila lage...

Its kind of hectic... n that day we plan for our wedding carefully...
Write it in paper.. spend nearly 2 hrs plus...
I hope he knows hw to deal with his mum.. Mcm mana nk yakinkan his mum...
I hope all is not wasted...
Of course lah aku very very sad kalau his mum doesnt believe in us... In me.
Like aku tk ikhlas love wan...
Yupz... mmg aku muda... but i'm more mature... n we r comfortable with each other...
Aku tk expect wan to be a perfect bf... but he's already a great bf...
So what else do i ask for?
We cld communicate and accommodate each other. Like A Soulmate.

This week... bingit wk with my nenek... slalu tk faham...
I meant makin tua.. u shld be more relax n happy... not stress urself up more kan...
N then tk faham yg aku nie byk benda nk buat before aku 25..
Nie termsk educate wan mcm mana nk ckp dgn mak dia!!!
Stress tau aku... no support... except for frenz... Radea...
Still, bahu yg memikul lage susah...
Then busu n mak busu nk balik... I hav to prepare for the worst & endure...

Hopefully... this friday aft he talk, his mum will give us the green light!!!
Itu ajelah satu2 nya permintaan & doa aku...
Amin!!!

I will not make the same mistakes that you did.........
I will not let myself Cause my heart so much misery..........
I will not break the way you did,You fell so hard..........
I've learned the hard way.........
To never let it get that far.....

Because of you... I never stray too far from the sidewalk.....
Because of you... I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt...
Because of you... I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me...
Because of you... I am afraid......................

I lose my way...
And it's not too long before you point it out....
I cannot cry....
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes....
I'm forced to fake.. A smile, a laugh everyday of my life....
My heart can't possibly break....
When it wasn't even whole to start with....

Because of you...
I never stray too far from the sidewalk....
Because of you...
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt...
Because of you... I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me...
Because of you... I am afraid...

I watched you die.. I heard you cry every night in your sleep...
I was so young... You should have known better than to lean on me...
You never thought of anyone else... You just saw your pain...
And now I cry in the middle of the night...
For the same damn thing....

Because of you... I never stray too far from the sidewalk.....
Because of you... I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.
Because of you... I try my hardest just to forget everything.
Because of you... I don't know how to let anyone else in...
Because of you... I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty.
Because of you... I am afraid....
Because of you..........................

Its hard for me to write down my feeling now...
Coz i've got so much to say...
I'm thinking of where does all these problems arises?

The answer:
N it stems from him and his selfishness, nt to ask his parents to meet my family.

Literally, to be honest, I've been waiting since late last year. N he kept on delaying it n act like nothing had happened. Everythg that he wishes for must go on. But my wish, he doesn't care.
N then he will start to say thgs/lines that wld hurt me... Like "you lah yg nk cepat sgt..", "u tk faham my parent.." n so on... N i wld hav to keep quiet n keep everythg to myself although it pains me.

I really2 am dissapointed with that n everytime i kept on getting upset n thinking y do i get a guy like him? Dats my only hope.
Knape dia tk understand? N then just b'coz of this one prob it will lead to others and unhappiness between us. But the unspoken prob will always be this.

The thg is just simple, if he doesnt wanna remarry and his parents dun wanna accept another daughter in law, then no need to bother finding a new one. Putting all responsibilities on her.
Giving hopes and dashing it. I really am hurt by him.

That day he and me had a heart to heart talk...
Abt religion and performing our duty as a muslim...
And we both agreed that we do not perform our duty well b'coz of we r not satisfy with our lives now and keep on committing sins... So jiwa kita tk tenang...

Well, he did agree that marriage cld solve the prob...
But y did he acts like dis alwayz?
I dun gain anythg much frm the marriage...
Juz the freedom to do my thgs at my own pace...

Aku hope dia sedar yg he's wrong... his method his wrong...
I dun blame his mum, but his attitude make it worst for his mum to believe him.

Dear Blog,

First of all.. I wanted to say that I'm really happy today... I get to mit my frenz and radea...
Its enough for me... Coz I know that there r ppl out there besides him who cld make me happy.
Its already too much for me to handle.

I've also talked to Dewi and learnt that thgs cannot go on this way...
She said that she if were me, she wld have leave the guy a long time ago...
Why am I not suprised? Since a lot of ppl have already said that obviously...

N I'm really sad that what I heard, rang true to my ears.
He's really nt someone who deserves to be loved.
He cld only hurt and make empty promises...

Mayb if I let it go now... It won't be too late...
I know what his thinkings are... Everythg is fine as long as everythg is fine.

Because he everythg is fine as long as his life goes smoothly.
But he cannot think frm his point of view only.
He cannot think based on his feelings only.
Because as a couple, you are supposed to be equal.

N... It's alwayz him who's making the mistake.
He wld just nvr learn.

Why do I feel that it's all empty promises?
Why do I feel that he's not trying hard enough?
Why do I feel like hes not doing enough?

Why do I feel like he's faking it every single moment?
Why do I feel like he's lying through his teeth?
Why do I feel like he's such a failure?

Why do I feel this way?
Why am i thinking this way?
Why do I feel like he's not good enough?

Why does he question that he have to save more?
Why does he thinks that it's wrong?
Why is he being so calculative?

Why does he always feel that he's right?
Why does he always have to break my heart?

Hi Blog,
As you know... the reason why i'm here so late is because I'm upset today.
I'm very upset with him and his attitude.
He nvr cares abt my feelings...........

The prob is that....
I felt embarassed to admit it in front of everyone....
But my dream had always been to become somebody's wife...
I felt that it's such a great thing to be a wife. To have somebody beside you.
And maybe.. A mother too someday...
Dat will be my greatest achievement.

N i guess that he doesn't share my sentiments.
This is really a sad, sad world..
Ppl doesn't value r'ship as much.

Do they think that a partner is just a partner for plasure and sex?
Can't they think beyond that?
The emotional values that the r'ship holds?

I'm really sad do you know that.. He always take things so lightly coz he was a husband once and he didn't enjoy it.. Not with the right soulmate of course...
It really pains me. And his mum does not make thgs easier for me....
I guess he really love his life now.. So he didn't mind to take it easy.
But I have so many thgs to do, to achieved... N marriage will be a stepping stone.
But no.. He didn't understand that. He only cares abt himself.

I guess when you are couple, you have to learn not to be selfish and think of only yourself. N you must compromise and the greatest thg is for you to see your partner happy. But he doesn't see it that way..

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic. Maybe I'm delusional.
But........................

I still hope that there's somebody out there who understands my plight.

IF really there is somebody better for me out there, pls let him find me. Amin..

Why do I feel like I hate Ridzwan today?
Now everything will be like the old time.

I knw it's an entirely his fault but I can't help feel its entirely his fault.

I'm so happy to get that extra $300 from my boss.
It relieved me a lot... So I am grateful. But I still dislike the ppl.
Why do I have to work with people when I could work alone?
I hope I will be successful...

This year.. I will be 23... Seems like old...
N from what I've learnt from the recent events that's happening...
I just think that money makes the world goes around.
Ppl befriend others with money and status.
Even for such a small company like Showtec.
Mr Henry is excluded because he is the boss...

Without money, ppl will not do favours for others.
Since I'm just nothing in their eyes... like no value (money), it doesn't matter if i'm hurt, i'm tired, i'm angry, i'm sad.. So if I make it big someday, I hope these ppl are still alive to see me succeed.
Amin...

Disini, sedikit penerangan mengenai perkataan 'nusyuz' dari hukum ugama:

Nusyuz ialah isteri yang derhaka atau ingkar kepada suami tanpa alasan yang munasabah mengikut hukum syarak.

Sebab-sebab terjadinya nusyuz ialah:
· Isteri keluar dari rumah tanpa pengetahuan atau tanpa izin daripada suaminya. · Isteri menolak ajakan suami ke tempat tidur.
· Isteri bersikap kasar terhadap suaminya.
· Isteri tidak mengikut perintah suami yang tidak bertentangan dengan ajaran Islam. · Apabila disuruh menutup aurat dia enggan berbuat demikian.
· Enggan tinggal serumah dengan suami.
· Keluar rumah tanpa keizinan suami.
· Enggan menunaikan kewajipan sebagai seorang Islam, seperti mendirikan solat dan sebagainya.
· Menjauhkan diri daripada suami.
· Enggan memenuhi kemahuan suami kecuali yang ditegah dan tidak mencurahkan sepenuh kasih sayang kepada suami.
· Tidak memelihara kehormatan.
· Tidak menjaga amanah suami.
· Tidak merahsiakan perhubungan suami isteri.

Akibat daripada perbuatan nusyuz ialah:
· Isteri hilang haknya sebagai isteri.
· Suami tidak lagi bertanggungjawab memberi nafkah kepadanya.
· Isteri tidak berhak mendapat layanan dan keadilan daripada suaminya.
· Isteri tidak boleh membuat tuntutan daripada suaminya.

Enough reason for me not to feel guilty if I did nt talk/make conversation to her later part in life.
She's definitely not a role model and someone to look up to. Haha...
Too bad, she got a mum like her.

Yoohoo...
Today is my last day of sch!!!
Hopefully i will get As for my exams...
Amin...

My life is okay i guess... But it's still mundane...
I dunno when will I get my big break to achieve sumthg in this life...?
I just need a little boost... Sumthg to make me proud of myself...

Work-wise... it's still okay... But no chance to really prove myself in this Showtec.
Although life here is not so bad... but I feel like I just need sumthg more...
Esp since I'm nt even married yet.

But i think I've decided what I wanna do... If lets say he kept quiet and he nvr tell his family to come meet mine this March 2009, I will save my bonus and continue to take my advanced diploma... I can't just wait for him all my life.

So March will be my breaking point.. I will give him latest till April. He nvr said anythg then might I well I go ahead with it.
He juz dun get it when I ask him.. I can't be so straightforward kan.. I'm still a gerl.
He needs to give me a direction and I will know hw to plan my life.
He just cannot leave me hanging while he enjoyed his life.

And some more, he's the one yg tk tau hw to plan his life properly.. N pls dun complain when u're nearing forty and baru nk ada a child with me.
Everythg is not my fault.

God, pls show me the light... Amin...

I have sort out the probs with him on new year's eve...

And it continues that he totally depends on me.
And he don't know hw to take care of himself.
He just simply cannot live alone.

SO what can i do? I had to forgive him again no matter what happens.
It's nt really his fault lah... I dunno whose fault is it...
I just hope that he will learn more in 2009.
I will take care of him more and at the same time, i will make sure that he learn.

I just hope that he is normal and we could live a normal live together. Amin...

My New Year 2009 Resolutions:

1) To be more organize in my everyday life.
2) Be more punctual and early riser.
3) To lead live more healthily and look young alwayz.
4) To be more in love with my boyfriend and to treasure each other.
5) To have a more fulfilling great career.
6) To continue and upgrade myself.
7) To be a more respectful person.
8) To be someone's fiancee in March 2009.... hehe.

Since so much had happened this year... my ups and downs with him...
This is the final straw. You wld nvr change. I just knew it.
You really broke my heart. Coz everythg is nt going as planned.
Now, i wld let everythg go your way.

Tomorrow wld be the final day we met for 2008 and also for a long long time.
I won't stay here and sit ard and do nothing.. Just waiting for him....
I kept evrythg coz I thought since its nt long to our marriage, i will juz be good for nw and get married and be a good wife.

I've decided that since he's gonna be this way... For what do i stick to this mundane life while he do as he pleases?
I won't meet him for most of 2009, we save pelan2 and i cld just concentrate on my damn life and do the thgs that I want..
I hope that I can achieve what I want in this life... Amin...

My mood is dampened today.
Coz she's back to work today instead of 1 week of leave.. Why can't i at least have some peace for a wk?
I hate this world... its so unfair... haizzz...

Now she's making a big fuss abt boss msging her...

Sometimes i think Sharon is too evil.. she even wants to email everybody when the china gerl made a mistake and I can't believe that Joanna still wanna supports her.

I was so mad today... he actually had taken out lots of money from our joint acct...
He told me that he won't do it again...
Why did he do it? N he told me that budget lari? What kind of budget??

Apparently today we are nt okay because of the thgs he said to me and aft that the thgs that i said to him...
It was really dissapointing actually...
Mayb I did expect to much from him... Like what he used to be and what he is now, is million times better... But r still nt gd enough for me...
Am i too cruel to him? I knw that he was dissapointed....
He said that his dreams was shattered... i'm sorry abt it...
I didn't meant to say those hurtful thgs...
I guess he's a weak guy afterall... even before I really left him, he had already do trouble for himself.

When you feel your hearts guarded,
And you see the breaks starting,
When the clouds are far departed,
U'll be right here with me,
[Darkchild & Brandy]B rock...Darkchild..
We back..U'll be right here with me[Bridge]Y
ou'll be right here with meoh, oh [x16]You'll be right here with me[Verse 1]

When your life is going to fast,off the train tracks
I can slow it down, ohjust when you think your bout to turn back
'Stead you might crash
I'll be your ground, oh[Chorus]

Oh when you feel your hearts guarded,
And you see the brakes started,
And when the clouds above Departed,
You'll be right here with me,

And when your tears are dry from cryin,
And when the worlds turned silent,
So when the clouds above Departed,
You will be right here with me,Oh oh [Repeat x10]
I will be right here with you...
you'll be right here with me[Repeat][Verse 2]

When your trapped and there's just no key,
And you can't breathe,I breathe for you,
The fire's got you down on both knees,
And the walls are closing in but I will,
Break it through,And when you feel alone,
I'm a be at home,
Whenevers comes and go,
You know I got you,[Chorus]

Oh when you feel your hearts guarded,
And when you see the brakes started,
And when the clouds above Departed,
You'll be right here with me,
(You'll see the sun)
And when your tears are dry from crying, crying,
And when the worlds turned silent...silent,

So when the clouds above Departed,
You will be right here with me,[Bridge]
I will be here right beside you,
Every step you take (yea),
I will be your strength your shelter,
Shield you from the rain.....

he's doing it again!!
if he's nt making me mad... he's making me worried....
why can't he just let me be happy?
what does he wants in life?????
why does he gets nervous when i'm angry with him??
i do love him for god's sake! so pls dun do this to me okay..

I'm extremely sad with Ridzwan ryte now...
I've already known that this r'ship is doom from the start...
Why did i perservere? U cannot change the nature of a person...
So many ppl warn me abt it... N i refuse to listen...
I only saw the surface... I nvr saw the true colours...
The fact is that he nvr changed.

It's nearing 2009... Yippee!!
I'm so happy... It will be a new era for me.
N we r still so in love... Dats a gd sign...
I hope that we'll be together forever...

I will blog later for my resolutions and the 2008 closing.

Meanwhile, I'm on leave today so I will juz enjoy the day with him...

I love my dear coz he bought me the twilight book & the feet spa on the other day when he got his bonus... That's really nice of him...
It was an enjoyable saturday... But.. U knw that whenever he made mistakes, I wld alwayz forgives him... Mayb that I'm too generous... but I can't stay mad at him for too long and that goes the same for him... Although he told me that I rarely made him angry... Haha...
I'm truly a brilliant gerl coz any guys who were with me seldom get mad at me except those who are petty that they can't get me.. Hehe...
In a way, I think that I'm like Bella in Twilight... except that I'm less stubborn... :)

Have you ever loved somebody so much...
It makes you cry... Have you ever needed something so bad...
You can't sleep at night...

Have you ever tried to find the words...
But they don't come out right... Have you ever, have you ever...
Have you ever been in love...
Been in love so bad...
You'd do anything to make them understand...
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away...
You'd give anything to make them feel the same...
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart...
But you don't know what to say...
And you don't know where to start...
Have you ever found the one You've dreamed of all of your life...
Just about anything to look into their eyes...
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to?

I think I've already found him... But I don't wanna make it seem that it's only in the beginning that we feel this way towards each other....
To say that we light up each other's life n to stay forever this way till the end of time....

I love you, Ridzwan Bin Salim.